In the dark, in the back of the van
by swisstony
Summary: Follow up 2 The Bomb and I see the night, but I'm lost outside of you...I'm rubbish at summaries: D BETA SisiDraig
1. Chapter 1

**Firstly thanks 2 SisiDraig 4 being my BETA if this is ne good it's all down 2 her…**

**Secondly 2 ne one who reads this and is new 2 my fics or the board u kinda have 2 read my other two fics **_**The Bomb**_** and **_**I see the night, but I'm lost outside of you **_**as this is a sort of follow up 2 the plot in those stories…so read them so u know what's going on if u feel like it: D**

**N e way hope u enjoy: D**

There's nothing now.  
Vince feels nothing. Everything is numb, from his head down to his toes it's all just an empty void of space. He sits on the end of his mattress his legs tucked up underneath him, his limbs slowly losing feeling the longer he just sits there. It's been days but to him it feels like moments, time doesn't have any meaning, its all just pain. He's surrounded by a stale and cold army of tea mugs. Vince stopped eating, he hasn't eaten anything since that night. He can feel himself growing weak every bone in his body is exposed sticking out through his pallid skin. They make him drink through, Leroy practically sits on him until he's had just a little sip, but it's only ever a little sip never enough to quench his thirst his mouth is always dry.  
This is nothing like the first time when he lost Howard, he'd felt like a part of him had died but there'd been hope. He'd had hope that everything would work out for them in the end he'd never given up…but now all the hope had been extinguished, there was no coming back from this.  
Vince sleeps a lot, the pain goes away when he sleeps he loses himself in the memories. When he wakes up he forgets for the briefest of moments, his mind plays cruel tricks on him as it replays all the times he didn't wake up in Howard's warm strong embrace. The sound of water running tells Vince that Howard is in the shower or on the loo, the clank of plates lie to him that Howard is in the kitchen having breakfast. But its all just lies Howard hasn't let Vince sleep in, he isn't having a shower, he's not in the kitchen he's gone, that's the real reason the space next to him is so cold, he's just gone and everything, _everything_ is over.  
Vince hears a muffled knock on the door and then Leroy appears.  
'Alright mate,' He shifts awkwardly in the doorway dancing from one foot to the other, this is all too real for him.  
'Someone's 'ere to see you.'

Naboo stood in the doorway, he's never had to struggle before to keep his emotion from his face but he's struggling now, he's never seen anything so desperate before. A thought slips inside his head, but he pushes it away as quickly as it appeared.  
_'It would have been better if they'd both just…'_  
Vince is sitting on his bed wearing a pair of y-fronts and a vest that's at least three sizes too big for him, it hangs off his rapidly diminishing frame. He's covering his face with his hands and his hair looks like he hasn't touched it for a long time; it's all messy and tangled.  
Naboo is glad Bollo isn't with him, he isn't sure what the ape would have done if he'd seen his Precious Vince in such a state. Vince never looks up it's like he's been frozen. Naboo moves across the room closing the door behind him. He pauses for a moment, he's never been in Vince's room before. It's a surprise, there's elements that the tiny shaman had expected like the faces of the glam rock, punk, electro stars staring out at him from the walls but there's a map of Australia above the bed and various other objects he must have collected on his travels. There are also a hell of a lot of photos of him and Howard, there's a really early one of them from school that Naboo has never seen before and then loads of vomit inducing couply ones. Its like history has been re-written like Vince and Howard went straight from school and then they were a couple and everything else has just disappeared but it hasn't, the reason why there are no pictures from the Zoo or them at college or living in the flat is because Howard had decided to cut Vince's head out of all of them in a fit of peak.  
Naboo sits down on the bed.  
'It used to smell like him…now it just smells like me.' Vince whispered his voice muffled from between his hands. Naboo guesses that the vest Vince is wearing is one of Howard's ugly old ones. He defiantly needs to have a wash. Naboo never had a speech prepared, he just knew that his friend had needed him but now he feels lost swept away in the current of deep, dark, foreign waters.  
'Why?' Vince whispered feeling the gap in their conversation. 'Why, why, why did they take him away from me again?' Vince's voice was horse and raspy.  
Naboo reached out pulling one of Vince's hands away from his face gripping it tightly in his own, he looked away. It felt strange, he'd never really held anyone's hand before. It was all very alien to him. Vince started to cry again and Naboo squeezed his digits tighter.  
'I wish it had been me…I wish I was the dead one, Howard…' He sobbed.  
'…Howard would have been alright without me.' Naboo knows that's not true. Vince has overestimated Howard, if it had been the other way around Naboo knows he'd have been sending his best robes off to the dry cleaner to get them ready for another funeral. Vince is the strong one he just doesn't see it.

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_Howard.' Vince's familiar voice cracked down the end of the receiver, Howard grunted in response. There was a long pause each one listening to the sound of the other one's breathing._  
_'Howard,' Vince began again after a long world weary sounding sigh._  
_'What?' Howard's revolve had snapped._  
_'Are you still angry with me?' There was another long pause, while the older man tried to work out whether he really was still as angry as he had been a few hours earlier._  
_'Don't be angry with me Howard, I said I was sorry.'_  
_'That's not the point though is it, Littleman?'__  
__Vince muttered something under his breath. It was just low enough so that Howard couldn't work out the actual words being used but_ _loud enough so that he knew it was an unhappy Vince complaining._  
_'That's it, I'm putting the phone down don't call me again tonight. I'll see you in the morning.'_  
_'No! No, no, no Howard don't hang up I'm sorry. I really am sorry this time, I was sorry before but I really mean it now.' Against his better judgement and the sound of Vince's whining he stayed on the line._  
_'Love you.' Vince purred. Howard wasn't stupid and he wasn't naïve, he knew all too well that the other man was trying to wrap him around his little finger. It was of course working but he wasn't about to let Vince know that._  
_'Don't start all that, Sir.'  
'But I do love you Howard, I hate it when you hate me.' Howard was pretty sure Vince was pouting. He sighed again his head losing the battle with his heart._  
_'I don't hate you. It's just, it's just we really needed that money we were so close to making this month's total and then you go and…you go and fritter it all away on rubbish.'  
'It was not RUBBISH! I need clothes Howard, I can't go around in rags like you!' They were heading in the direction of another argument, ghosting over the footsteps of their previous one that day._ _'I don't go around in rags, Sir. I understand that you need clothes, I understand that,' He swallowed hard._ _'…but don't you think you have enough? Half the things you buy you never wear more than once and the rest have still got tags on them. _

_The pressure was building up inside Howard was suddenly released in a faint chuckle. 'I'm insane.' he finished softly, 'for putting up with you'. He couldn't stay cross at Vince for long, they'd been through too much, __**he'd **__been through too much and, in the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter that much._  
_'I'm sorry I let you down, I did try honestly I did.' Vince informed him weakly, Howard chuckled again the tone noticeably changing._  
_'I know, look it doesn't matter we'll try again next month.'_  
_'Do you think we'll lose that flat, now?' Vince questioned sheepishly._  
_'Defiantly, but who needs a flat that's close to where we both work almost in the centre of Dalston, has great transport links, is big tidy and cheap who needs that? We'll just have to lower our standards and settle for an out of town box instead. I don't mind a two hour commute into the city everyday if you don't.' A wide grin spread over his features at the sound of Vince's laughter._  
_'Shit we're rubbish at this.'  
'No, __**you're **__rubbish at this Littleman.' Howard corrected him, Vince just giggled in response._  
_The silence that fell between them a third time was easy and relaxed punctuated every now and then by the sound of glossy pages being flipped over._  
_'You know what Howard,' Vince mused. Howard was only half listening to the pearl of Cheekbone wisdom, which he was about to be exposed to.  
'…I've got one hell of a tromboner.' He sat up suddenly spluttering the lukewarm cup of tea he'd been drinking all down the front of his roll neck._

'_.What?' Howard coughed and Vince just laughed.  
'Where did you learn that word?' Howard has a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, taking his phone with him he goes to check something. Vince's laughter only increased at the sound of his desperate rustlings._  
_'Vince!'_  
_'It's funny the things you can find under peoples beds.' The younger man informed him casually._  
_'I've changed my mind, I do hate you.' Vince broke down then and the phone crackled and popped at the sound of his uncontrollable giggling fit.  
'Seriously though Howard, how much did they pay you?' A mixture of annoyance and embarrassment welled up inside the older man, why hadn't he just burned that bloody magazine? Vince and Bollo were the two people, well, one shallow futuristic twat and ape he hoped would never see it. This was it, Vince was never going to let it drop. This would haunt him forever._  
_'Nothing I was drugged.'_  
_'Nothing? Christy Howard and you say I'm crap with money.' Howard raised his eyebrow leaning his back against the frame of his bed, defeated. 'You are crap with money. Anyway I doubt they would have paid me.'_  
_'The camera work is pretty shit but you're hot, really you are Howard.'_  
_'I'm going to strangle you when I see you.' Howard warned trying his hardest to sound ominous._  
_'I wish you would,' Vince whispered softly, the tone of his voice changing suddenly, all the humour being sucked from the conversation replaced with something else.  
'I wasn't taking the piss before and I do have a…tromboner, how come you never do any of that stuff for me?' Howard shifted awkwardly eyeing his real trombone, which sat gleaming at him from the corner of the bedroom._  
_'You don't like Jazz.'  
Vince snorted._ _'So, how much Jazz were you playing in these pictures?'_  
_Howard couldn't actually remember, he scratched the back of his neck and grunted._  
_'Yea that's what I thought, so are you coming over then or what?' The Jazz Maverick, for the briefest of moments, thought about refusing but really who was he kidding._  
_'Yeah alright then, what about Leroy and Sue?'  
'I don't think they're gonna appreciate your modelling as much as me.' Vince teased._  
_'Vince.'_  
_'They're out. Oh and Howard bring the trombone.'_  
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'_That one I'm going to call Gary, that one I'm going to call Mick and that little one there I'm going to call,'_  
_'Let me guess,' Howard interrupted. '…David.' Vince looked up at him with an expression of utter disgust._  
_'David, David no-way! That one I'm going to call Jagger cus it's all jagged and stuff.'_  
_They were tangled together on the sofa, Vince laying sprawled out on top of Howard wearing sherbet yellow coloured t-shirt with the angst ridden physiognomies of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen emblazoned across his chest and a pair of blue and white y-fronts. Howard was clad only in his almost thread bare subdued muffin coloured dressing gown._  
_'Move your head a bit I can't see the telly.' Howard mused as he awkwardly tried to negotiate watching Antiques Roadshow over the top of Vince's head.  
'Urgh god Howard it's a good job all that food has made me…'__Vince paused searching for the word. He frowned a little as he glanced over in the direction of the Sunday dinner plates sitting, looking as if they'd been almost licked clean, on the coffee table opposite.__Whatever Vince had been about to say he lost interest, returning his attention back to Howard's broad bare chest tracing the outline of the scars with his fingers and his tongue, which pickled his skin__. Just as the credits had started to roll up __across the screen the front door of the flat had slammed shut and there'd been the sound of multiple footsteps stomping up the stairs. Vince quickly closed the front of Howard's dressing gown knowing how the Jazz Maverick felt about anyone except from him seeing his battered physique.  
'Alright Naboolio, alright Monkey man.' He grinned at Naboo and Bollo._  
_'You better not have been shagging on the sofa again.' Naboo warned darkly, before heading off in the direction of his bedroom his head hanging limply against his chest.  
'Did things not go well with the Shaman council?' Howard questioned pushing Vince up and off of him, crawling into a sitting position._  
_'Naboo got points on licence.' Bollo informed the pair as he padded into the kitchen filling up the kettle._  
_'I want a tea, loads of milk and six sugars.' Vince commanded from the sofa snatching the remote out of Howard's grasp flicking through the channels letting it rest on a repeat of Project Catwalk.  
'How many points?' Howard climbed off the sofa helping the ape with his tea making knowing that his skills left a lot to be desired.  
'Naboo lose licence got to take Northern line.'_  
_'I'm dying of thirst in 'ere!' Vince complained from the sofa._  
_'Maybe Precious Vince make own tea more often, maybe wouldn't be so…' Inwardly Howard was screaming, screaming for Bollo not to mention the whole 'fat' thing. Vince had put on a little weight, well not so much a little as quite a lot okay so he had the makings of a pot belly but he was still beautiful and to Howard it meant that the younger man was happy and relaxed enough to let himself go a bit. However Howard knew Vince would never cope with being told he was fat, actually hearing the words would have killed him, so he did the only thing he could think of and stamped on Bollo's foot._  
_'I'm sorry.' He whispered under his breath, feeling terrible, as he watched the ape double up in pain, and then afraid, as he saw the glare in Bollo's gaze. Taking his and Vince's cups he escaped back into the safety of the living room._  
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_Vince was standing in the kitchen just staring blankly at the floor when Howard found him._  
_'Littleman.' At the sound of Howard's familiar Northern lilt Vince suddenly burst into life opening the kitchen cupboards searching for something._  
_'Alright.' He grinned glancing over his shoulder; the smile never reached his eyes._  
_'Think I might crack out the special tea tonight.'  
'Vince.' Howard sighed as he leant his back against the work surface, slouching as he gazed at the younger man his features marred with concern.__  
__'I like your sister Howard,' He brushed his hand over Vince's shoulder, watching as he spooned a little too many leaves of his 'special tea' into one of the four cups and not enough into the others._  
_'…I wish she was my Mum.' Howard snorted._  
_'You know that would make me your Uncle.' This time they both looked at each other and the toothy smile Vince flashed did reach his eyes. Tucking the packet of 'special tea' discreetly behind an open box of Jaffa Cakes, Vince closed the cupboard. Making his way across the galley style kitchen, he pulled a half full bottle of milk out of the battered looking fridge. He ran one hand through his hair as he sloshed the milk into the cups._  
_'Is that enough milk for Jack?' Howard had cleared his throat nervously as he'd struggled to remember.  
'I ah, I'm not sure.'  
'Christy Howard I hope if we ever broke up you'd at least remember how I liked me flippin' tea.' Vince gave a breathy laugh, but neither of them found it funny, the younger man's insecurities were raw and exposed and bleeding out in his kitchen.  
'We're never going to break-up.' Howard reached out attempting to grip the younger man's hand but before he could Vince had pulled away and danced back over to the fridge replacing the milk back on its yellowed shelf.  
'Yeah, I bet that's what you told him in there.' Vince nodded in the direction of the open kitchen door the fairy lights flickering just into view from the living room. Neither of them attempted to laugh of his comment this time. Howard had known it had been a bad idea to introduce Vince to Jack. Naboo and Bollo had both warned him against it sighting how jealous the electro poof could get but he'd been foolish enough to believe he knew better; he'd been wrong. Vince had been in a funk for days asking him but never really asking him what was going on what had passed between them. It was the elephant in the room. Howard felt guilty about spending any time with Jack alone, even though they weren't spending 'time' time together, it was just work time but he still felt like he was having some kind of torrid affair._  
_'What's your problem?' He just blurted it out before he had the chance to properly filter his thoughts.  
'My problem,' Vince rested his hands on his hips his voice leaving his body in an indignant squawk. 'My problem is that you're obviously gay and you never told me! You lived with that French twat for a year and you never told me! You lived with him; you don't live with me,'_  
_'Whose choice is that?' Howard interrupted Vince mid-flow, keeping his voice down to a low angry whisper. Vince mumbled something in response, his features darkening as he began to__look distinctly sulky._  
_'Oh grow up, Vince!' Those words to Vince had felt like a body blow it was the one thing he was incapable of ever doing, growing up. He felt like a six year old cruelly imprisoned in the body of a thirty year old. Vince's bottom lip began to wobble, he wasn't much of a crier, he usually never got too deeply involved with anything to feel so sad that he needed to cry but suddenly he'd been crying, really crying, like a woman or something. He must have looked like a mess, he felt like a mess, his mascara rolling down his cheeks in long thick black trails._  
_'Oh Vince don't.' Howard's voice had sounded harsh at first but there had been a soft sympathetic undertone.  
'Vince don't cry, please.'  
Vince sniffed dramatically, Howard shuffled towards him pulling a tea towel of the kitchen counter as he moved.  
'I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the,' He sucked in his breath, he hated that word._  
_'…the whole me being a massive gayest thing but I thought it would have been a bit obvious.' Vince shrugged and let Howard dab his cheeks with the dry tea towel._  
_'I thought this was special.' He pouted._  
_'You soppy tart,' Howard smiled pulling Vince into his arms planting a kiss on his forehead._

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_He remembers the first time he ever saw their dream home. It was about three o'clock in the morning, drizzling and he had been pissed out of his brain pining an equally pissed Vince up against a shop window._  
_'Vince, no,' Howard had slurred as the younger man had uncoordinatedly tugged at his belt._  
_'Oh go on 'Oward, don't be boring.' Vince had pleaded his probing tongue slipping inside Howard's mouth, he'd tasted different a mixture of Flirtinis and a hint of sick. Generally Howard would have been appalled but he'd been too drunk to really care. The side of Vince's mouth had been sticky when he'd pulled away, not that he could pull away much with the younger man's legs wrapped around his waist.  
'Just a quickie yea, you can bum me this time.' Vince had grinned, breathless and excited as ever__._  
_'Vince no, I dunno,' Howard whispered always sounding more Northern when he's drunk.  
'Oh come on 'Oward no one's gonna see, ssshush.' He'd sloppily kissed him, grinding his hips against the older man's reluctantly growing hardness. Vince had reached out for his belt again pulling at it skilfully, without even breaking, or looking down from, their kisses. Howard had given in, not that he'd really put up that much of a fight; as if he'd ever put up much of a fight when it came to having sex with his best friend.  
'Alright, but in the doorway.' Vince had happily jumped down from his lap at the suggestion grabbing Howard by the collar of his jacket. He'd pulled him into the darkened doorway. It wasn't the first time they'd had sex outside or in public. They seemed to do it a lot in club toilets. Generally when Vince had been hyped from finishing a gig or a set, he'd started to get into DJing. They'd done it twice at the taxi rank and three times at the bus stop, and once even in the changing rooms in Topshop.  
It was a quickie and over quickly Vince had been over excited and Howard had been overly pissed and it had all ended in drunken laughter. When he'd been pulling his trousers back up and Vince had been shimming back into his skinny leopard print jeans Howard had seen it from the corner of his eye. The doorway they'd been hurriedly fucking in had been an estate agents and illuminated in the window under 'to let' was: __  
_**1 BEDROOM FLAT ON KINGSLAND ROAD E8 2ND FLOOR FLAT SPACIOUS LOUNGE WITH WOODEN FLOORS ALL THROUGH OUT GCHEATED SEP KITCHEN FULLY FITTED, LARGE DOUBLE BEDROOM  
SEP BATHROOM WITH SHOWER.**  
**IDEAL LOCATION FOR TRANSPORT  
10 MIN TO LIVERPOOL ST STATION  
AVAILABLE 17TH OCT 2008.**  
_'Vince, Littleman look at this.' He grabbed Vince and dragged him in the direction of the window. Vince had pulled out his phone and typed in the digits as fast as he could, faster than he had when Gary Numan had offered his home number._  
_'Come on small eyes,' Vince had pulled him back out of the doorway, wrapping his skinny arms around his waist as he had planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth._  
_'Howard they wont be open for hours we'll ring 'em first thing I promise, I'll even let you put the alarm on.' The smaller man batted his long lashes appealingly._  
_'Come on small eyes, come back to mine so I can have my wicked bumming way with you again.'_  
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_'Dun da la dun.'_  
_'Can I open my eyes now?' Howard questioned._  
_'No!' Bollo growled._  
_'Got to start beat again now.' The ape complained from behind the drum kit in the corner of the living room.  
'What's going on Howard?' Lester piped up. The three of them, Howard, Naboo and Lester, were seated on the sofa; the Shaman and the Jazz Maverick with their eyes closed.  
'Vince?'  
'No Howard, you've ruined my entrance now I'll have to start again.' Vince's head popped out briefly from behind the shimmering gold lame curtain which was erected across the open door of Howard's bedroom.  
'Get on with it yeah Vince.' Naboo fumed. Vince rolled his eyes and pointed in Bollo's direction the ape hastily began a drum roll, the electro poof ducking back behind the curtain once again._  
_'I present to you the new and improved mirror ball suit.' Mabel tugged the cord on the curtain and Vince suddenly sprung out his arms held high above his head, sucking in his breath waiting for a response._  
_'Precious Vince look…' But even Bollo lacked the corrected vocabulary to describe how the electro poof looked. Vince's eyes travelled from the expression of Bollo and Naboo resting expectantly on the one opinion that really mattered to him. Howard sat speechless. He hadn't failed to notice that Vince's pot belly had radically shrunk in the past month since Vince had been visiting his electro electrocise class three times a week and gone back on the dreaded GI diet. Howard didn't feel insecure, it had nothing to do with their relationship and everything to__ do __with a moron at one of Vince's gigs who'd called out in the middle of his set 'whose the fat tranny…'._  
_However Vince wasn't just thin, he seemed to literally glow, the sequins on his now gold version of the old mirror ball suit catching the light making him shimmer; he was perfect. Howard swallowed hard and sheepishly dragged one of the small brightly coloured sofa cushions over his lap. Vince flashed a toothy grin._  
_'And now I present to you this weeks must have accessory, the Little front man!' There was a short pause and Kitten suddenly jumped out from Howard's bedroom clad in a smaller identical version of Vince's suit. Bollo, Naboo, Mabel and Lester all exploded into excited applauding. Howard grinned sheepishly watching as the pair worked some moves, feeling distinctly disturbed by the fact that his five year old nephew was quickly turning into a mini version of Vince and worried that the stiffy he was concealing under the cushion, that wasn't normal or right.  
Everyone seemed to leave relatively quickly after Vince's unveiling; Lester was still on his nine o'clock curfew, Kitten had school in the morning and Bollo had, had a date with an Orang-utan he'd met online. The only people who'd been left in the flat were Vince, Howard and Naboo who'd passed out on the sofa while watching a repeat of Magpie Moments._  
_'Oww!' Howard cried as he walked straight into the foot of his own bed._  
_'Oh sorry.' Vince stifled a giggle, taking both hands he lead the older man carefully around one side of the bed.  
'Right.' There was the sound of rustling and then bed springs squeaking._  
_'You can take it off now.' Vince informed him motioning towards the tie that was wrapped around Howard's head acting as a makeshift blind fold._  
_'Was that really necessary?' Howard mused as he tugged the tie off, the sentence dying in his throat as his mouth suddenly went dry. Vince was lying in the centre of his bed looking as if he'd just stepped out of A Clockwork Orange completely naked, the only thing he was wearing was thick black elaborate eye make-up over one eye and a bowler hat covering his crotch._  
_'I know it ain't the mirror ball suit, but Howard there's no-way I'm letting you get your sperms anywhere near that thing, its flippin art and it took me ages to make.'  
_


	2. Just a sad pathetic moan

**Okay thanks 2 SisiDraig 4 being my fantastic BETA: D**

**Also thanks 2 Stars of Andromeda and BeckyRocks-x 4 reviewing n ne one else 4 reading: D**

**This is everything that lead up 2 Howard's death…lol…**

**I don't own this: D**

Vince is dozing, his head buried deep in the warmth of his pillow. He can feel the rays of winter sun hitting his face. He squints a little not ready or willing to fully succumb to the dawning day. The buzzing of Howard's alarm woke him up, stupid alarm, one day he's going to take the batteries out or throw it across the room or do something equally dramatic, one day. Doesn't it know that he has the makings of an epic hangover? Doesn't it know that he spent most of the previous night being sick on his own shoes? His shoes, his new shoes. One eye suddenly opens.  
'Shoes.' He mutters turning his head jabbing a still snoring Howard in the back with his elbow.  
'Huh…' Howard snorts, Vince can tell he's still half asleep.  
'Shoes, shoes, shoes!' He jabs and cries at the same time until he elicits more of a response than just a grunt.  
'Urgh, why is it so bright?' Howard turns his head so that they're looking at each other. His eyes are even smaller when he's tired, at that moment he'd defiantly win in a squint off against that berk Harold Boom. 'Why are my ears ringing?'  
Vince scrabbles across him grabbing the ringing alarm clock, which was just about to dance off the edge of Howard's dull looking bedside table.  
'It's this stupid thing. You should get one of those clock radio things or something; phat nu rave beats could wake us up every morning instead of that tuneless racket.' Vince thrusts the clock in his face.  
'Is that the real time?' Howard questions, pulling the object out of the younger man's hands, his eyes struggling to focus on the dial. Vince shrugs unhelpfully.  
'I'm late I've got to be at work in twenty minutes! How long has that thing been going off? Why didn't you wake me up, sir?' Vince rolls his eyes flopping back into the bed ignoring the flurry of questions. He fights to keep the smile from upturning the corners of his mouth, knowing that it will only get Howard more frustrated and annoyed with him. He'd think he was smirking but he's not. In reality he sort of likes stressy Howard, the way his face gets all red and the top of his head gets a bit sweaty, it reminds him a bit of Howard's sex face. Vince rests his hands behind his head, spreading out and taking up the whole bed whilst watching Howard as he awkwardly tries to hop back into his pyjama bottoms.  
'Howard relax, you're your own boss.'  
'Yes, no…look wait…there's a site inspection today I have to be there, I can't be late.' Eventually, Howard gives up on trying to put his trousers on and just slings his dressing gown over his shoulders before rushing out of the room escaping into the bathroom.  
'Vince, those better not be your shoes in my sink!' Naboo's voice rings out and Vince remembers his shoes.

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'You've gotta sort it out with Bollo.' Vince informs the tiny Shaman between mouthfuls of _Lucky Charms, _the milk sloshing in the cereal bowl as he jabs the spoon in Naboo's direction.  
'There's hair everywhere. Just tell him he can't bring that ginger trollop back here anymore.'  
'Vince.' Howard warns, trying to keep his voice down to a harsh whisper, nervously glancing over his shoulder towards Bollo's closed bedroom door. Vince just stares at him and shrugs. Naboo stares ominously quietly picking over the slices of his burnt fruit toast, he looks tired and paler than normal. The noise suddenly starts up again and Naboo visibly shudders, Howard switches on the kitchen radio turning the dial up as high as it will go without them having to shout.  
'I've had enough of this…' Vince complains bitterly, slamming his bowl down on the breakfast bar.  
'It's too early for monkey loving!' Naboo suddenly fixed him with a stare, which seemed to scream 'I'm sick of all of you, why don't you all just piss off and stop shagging in my home?' He's moody and tired.  
'Right I'm off.' Howard slips his jacket on, deciding that now is probably the best time to leave not wanting to get caught in the cross fire. Vince follows him to the stairs.  
'Why can't you put a tie on?' The younger man grumbles as he attempts to straighten the mess Howard has made of his tie. Howard just stands there saying nothing, letting Vince fiddle with it. He wants to pinch himself, part of him still can't quite believe how happy he is; Vince is straightening his tie, everything is perfect, nothing can spoil this.  
'Little man concentrate, remember we need to be at my sister's for eight, so I'm gonna pick you up at six, okay? Vince, are you listening what did I just said?' Vince finishes fixing Howard's tie, his tongue, which always creeps into the corner of his mouth when he's concentrating, slides back between his lips and he smiles up at Howard.  
'Six. Yeah, I heard.'  
Just when Howard thinks he's finished with him, Vince produces a glittery clothes brush from seemingly nowhere and starts brushing off the shoulders of his jacket.  
'Look more hair. I don't believe this, if Naboo isn't going to do anything about her, then I am.'  
'No, look Vince, it's just a bit of hair. I really don't think you should get involved.' But it was too late, the glazed stare in Vince eyes told the older man that's he'd already stopped listening to him.  
'I'm going to shave her.' Vince's subconscious thoughts leaked out of his mouth, Howard tried to let the subject die.  
'Do you want to go to the pub for lunch?' He asked once Vince had finished fussing with him. 'Can't, Naboolio's got me stock taking, he said I can't leave the shop 'till it's finished I think he thinks I'm gonna run off like last time.' Vince muses flashing a mischievous grin.  
'Oh,' Howard sighed slightly deflated. '…but we always have lunch together, I could come back to the shop…'  
'No, no don't worry Howard, Naboolio probably won't even give me a break in case I try to jammie open the loo window and jump out.' There's something wrong it all feels a bit rehearsed, he can tell when Vince is lying to him and Vince is most defiantly lying to him now.  
'But…'  
'Oh come on Howard, it ain't gonna kill us not having lunch together just this once.' Vince plants a quick peck on the side of Howard's mouth and practically pushes him head first down the stairs to get him out of the flat.  
'Love you!' He calls out after him.

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'I'm a monkey mess.' Bollo's words barely penetrate Vince's mind, he's too busy staring at his phone.  
'I try to break up with her.' The ape groans leaning against the shop counter propping himself up by his elbows. 'But sex is good.'  
At the mention of monkey sex Vince suddenly snaps back into reality ignoring his mobile.  
'Yea about that…' The bell above the shop door rings, rudely interrupting Vince before he can properly begin his rant. He looks up and smiles, his excitement almost bubbling over.  
'Alright.' He squeaks his voice cracking.  
'Poor Mabel.'  
'Alright Bollo, you look about as rough as I feel.' Mabel grins casting the ape a cheeky wink over the top of her designer bug eyed sunglasses.  
'You've got new hair.' Vince points out the obvious, stuffing his phone into the pocket of his jeans. If it's possible Mabel changes the cut and colour of her hair more frequently than Vince. Since her wedding, it's gone from blonde to red to chestnut and now it's a rich, dark chocolate _Keira Knightly_ style bob.  
'Oh thanks, do you like it?' She inquired patting the edges of her bob a little nervously, waiting for Vince's response.  
'Its genius, can I touch it?' Obediently Mabel hops up onto the shop counter leaning backward so he can touch her hair, even Bollo has a tug. Vince still doesn't believe that she's really Howard's sister, she's too stylish and she lets him touch her. Sometimes Vince thinks she lets him touch her a little bit too much. He knows she used to fancy him when they were at school, of course Howard doesn't know, he's as oblivious now as he was then.  
'How do you get it so soft?' Vince asks his voice close to something like wonderment.  
'Money.' Mabel informs simply. The moment the words have left her throat the door of the shop suddenly flings open and then suddenly slams shut, Mabel jumps nervously down from the desk.  
'We gonna go then? Only Kitten is still on half days and I've got to pick him up at one.' Her mood changes suddenly, she's jumpy Vince and Bollo can suddenly smell the nicotine and Vodka on her breath.  
'Yea. Bollo watch the shop, I'm going on my lunch.'  
'Did you get it?' Vince questioned, excitedly bouncing around Mabel. Letting the door of the shop close behind her, she shifted awkwardly.  
'Does Howard know about this?' She asked feeling like she was about to kick a puppy.  
'No, I'm surprising him.'  
'You know it's a lot of money don't you, Vince?' She realised she was using the same tone of voice she used on Kitten when it came to negotiating bedtimes. When had she turned into this thing…this Mother thing?  
'Yea, I've been saving for ages and the website Bollo found said this was the best one.' From the pocket of his impossibly tight jeans, Vince pulled out a crumpled looking piece of paper eagerly thrusting it in Mabel's face. She stared at it briefly before tugging it out of his hands, her small eyes drifting over the contents, she sighed.  
'I really think you should talk to Howard about this.'  
'No, look please Mabel please,' Vince whined. '…I was too skint to get Howard anything for Chrimbo and Valentine's Day is coming up.'  
She should have been immune to manipulation but the brand Vince peddled was particularly potent and she folded like soggy cardboard.  
'Give me the money.' Her voice escaped her slender form in a weary exasperated sigh. 'Genius!' He grinned, pulling the wad of four hundred euros out of his pocket where it had been nestled safely.  
'Why did you have to involve me in this again exactly?' As the money exchanged hands, Mabel didn't have the heart to tell him that he was at least another thousand euros short of the price tag.  
'I can't go in there it's like the Jazz Mecca.' Vince informed her, nervously glancing into the shop window, the Jazz paraphernalia glaring back at him making him feel distinctly itchy.  
'Oh and Mabel the case has got to have an angry muffin lining and…ohhh I want a personalized thing on the outside.'  
'An inscription?' She interpreted.  
'Yea, yea one of them.' He took her by surprise grabbing her suddenly whispering something into her ear.  
'Jesus Vince, you can't inscribe that on a saxophone, you know what Howard's like he'll freak out.' Vince giggled and shook his head.  
'It's two words.' He told her. Mabel paused replaying the sentence in her head.  
'Oh, that's kinda sweet.'  
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'We're so bloody late.' Howard complained grumpily under his breath as he pulled out of the parking space. Vince rolled his eyes twiddling the knobs on the camper van's radio, wishing he'd brought one of his completion tapes with him.  
'I said six, I said I'd pick you up as six! It's eight now, we should be there…now.'  
'Come on Howard, it's no big deal. It's just a dinner party thing, she's your sister. It's no big deal.' Howard adjusted himself in the driving seat, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel subconsciously to the rhythm of the radio. He didn't actually mind Gary Numan so much anymore. It always reminded him of Vince, not that it took much to remind Howard of Vince, his mind never wandered far from his lover.  
'How did it go, was the inspection thing okay?'  
'Yes we passed. It won't be long until all the structural stuff is completed, then you can have a go at all those internal things we talked about the other night.' He took his eyes off the empty road flashing a smile at Vince, who grinned back enthusiastically.  
'I've been thinking about that. Me and Leroy have been taking photos of all the clubs we go to, I've started a scrap book, I'll show it to you later.' Vince winked at him mischievously. Howard couldn't help but chuckle turning his attention back onto the neglected road.  
'You sound very organised, Little man.'  
It was then that it happened. Howard wasn't quite sure how exactly; one moment the road had been dark and empty, the next…something or someone seemed to move in front of the van. Howard swerved. The van lurched into the middle of the deserted road. It was too late. He was sure that he'd hit it, whatever _it_ was. He slammed his foot down hard on the brake, causing him and Vince to both be flung forwards in their seats. His heart pounding in his chest.  
'Are you alright?' Howard stuttered, mutely Vince nodded.  
'Did you see that?' He wasn't sure who his question was directed at. He replayed the moment again and again in his head, he was sure, more than sure, that it had been a person.  
'Howard.' Vince called out his name. In his shocked daze, Howard opened his door slipping out of his seat and into the cold night air.  
'Howard, what are you doing? Where are you going?' Vince frowned. He hastily unfastened his seat belt and jumped out of the vehicle, pulling his jacket tightly around his shivering form as he chased after the older man. Howard was standing in the middle of the road tracing his way back from the skid marks burnt into the tarmac.  
'It must be here?' He whispered under his breath.  
'Did you hit your head?' Vince asked reaching out for Howard's hand.  
'How many?' He waved his fingers around in Howard's face.  
'Three. And no I didn't hit my head.' The younger man glanced at the Jazz Maverick doubtfully.  
'Are you sure?'  
'Yes, look no I'm sure I didn't hit my head. Did you?' Vince shook his head and watched as Howard attempted to scan the darkened verges, which ran along the roadside.  
'I'm going to get the torch.'  
'Why?' Vince caught him by his sleeve and this time he refused to be shrugged off. He studied the Jazz Maverick's face with a mixture of concern and confusion.  
'I haven't gone wrong.' Howard soothed him. 'We hit something I just wanted to see if I could…'  
'We didn't hit anything, Howard.' Vince interrupted. Howard paused thinking back over the accident, he'd been sure but now everything seemed to be a little hazy in his memory.  
'It was ice.' Vince piped up, shivering a little as he spoke his teeth chattering.  
'It's freezing.' Howard pulled the smaller man protectively into his arms running his hands roughly over his back in a vain attempt to warm him up.  
'Go and sit in the van.'  
'No.' Vince frowned up at him. 'Let's go Howard, we're already really late. It's freezing out here and you've gone wrong let's just go please, I'm really hungry.'  
The more the Jazz Maverick thought about it, the harder it became to picture the event clearly in his head. Vince was probably right, it had probably been ice and he was tired. Tomorrow night he'd make it an early one, he'd curl up on the sofa with Vince, a bottle of wine and a duvet and watch a film or a documentary. Howard needed a rest.  
'Come on, you know you can't say no to me.' Vince chuckled dragging him in the direction of the van.  
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Vince liked Mabel's house, on the outside it looked like the sort of haunted mansion that could easily have appeared in a _Scooby Doo _cartoon, all turrets, gargoyles and creepy stained glass windows. The inside, however, was completely different it was like that woman's flat in that foreign film Howard had made him watch, _Amelie_. It was like Amelie's flat with loads of primary colours and tons of nick-knacks. Everywhere your eye rested, there was always something shiny and interesting to look at or touch and there was glitter, loads and loads of glitter, painted on the numerous door frames and the exposed floorboards. Everything shimmered and shone and it was a paradise for a magpie like Vince. He'd enjoyed growing up wild in the jungles of India under the dubious care of _Bryan Ferry _and a leopard but a small part of Vince wished that Mabel had really been his Mother and that he'd grown up in a house like that; he was more than a tiny bit jealous of Kitten.  
He held Howard's hand when they reached the front door, he was still concerned about his behaviour earlier, he was sure he must have hit his head.  
'Can I do it?' He excitedly asked, giving the Jazz Maverick's hand a tight squeeze.  
'Alright then.' Howard chuckled indulgently, Vince lets him go briefly pressing the doorbell before going straight back to hand holding again. There's a pause and the chorus of _Rock the Casbah _by _The Clash _rings out from the bell.  
'Genius!' Vince mutters, Howard shifts awkwardly it's one of those songs that's full of connotations, it dredges up a lot of old disturbing memories, it's one of Mabel's favourite songs. His parents always hated music, they still do probably, it was always banned from the house. He remembers all the fights that that silly song sparked and all the crying fits.  
The door suddenly opens and Mabel appears smiling and looking somewhat like a _Stepford wife _clad in a floral piny and a _New Look _1950's style black and gold dress. But with Mabel it's only ever somewhat, she never fully makes the transition into anything, like now her hair is a little messy and she has a cigarette hanging out of the corner of her scarlet mouth.  
'Is that one of them new _Luella _dresses?' Vince questions as he launches himself on her. Howard suddenly noticed Saboo who's been hovering in the hallway; he saunters up behind his wife. The hug lasts a little too long, but neither Vince nor Mabel acknowledge or are even aware of how inappropriate their behaviour is. Not that Howard thinks it's inappropriate he knows they're both clingy, tactile people, but he can tell from the look on Saboo's face; he's not happy.  
'Yep.' Mabel giggles, Vince moves past her and then Howard realises it's his turn.  
'Here.' He muses handing her a bottle of Vodka, rubbing her arm not wanting any really close contact.  
'Eeee, Howard it be me favourite.' Considering they were both born in Leeds in the same house, share the same genes and the same parents her jokey version of their native accent leaves a lot to be desired.  
'Howard…' Saboo glances at Vince, the Shaman has never been entirely sure about him, he always looks at Vince like he's dirty or he needs to immediately go and lock all his valuables away. '…Howard's friend.'  
Howard stares over at Vince who's just staring over at Saboo, he knows what he's thinking; he's thinking 'is that a cravat?' and 'are you really smoking a pipe?'  
'Saboo.' Mabel elbows the Shaman a little too hard in the stomach and he doubles over slightly winded.  
'Sorry we're late, Vince was getting ready.' Howard informed as he slipped out of his jacket.  
'Thanks blame me, it ain't got nothing to do with you having a spaz out.'  
They've only done the whole eating out thing a couple of times since they became a couple, mainly because they never seem to have enough money, all they can usually run to is a shared kebab on the way home from some pub or club. They have been to fancy restaurants; well, one fancy restaurant, Howard does occasionally let the moths out of his wallet. It had been a bit of a disaster, Vince had complained about the fact they'd had to drink wine instead of flirtinis and Howard had felt, considering how much the evening had cost, the portions had been beyond small.  
'I don't fucking believe this.' Tony Harrison moaned loudly, gazing at the empty chair next to him.  
'Oh I'm sorry Tony, Saboo said he sent you a text.' Mabel apologized, Saboo spluttered, soup spilling out of his mouth as he coughed, surprised by the mention of his name.  
'Did he now?' Tony Harrison fixed Saboo with an angry stare.  
'You're not on your own, Kirk hasn't got a date either.' She soothed, giggling softly. Kirk, who never said much at the best of times, just shrugged and smirked at the bright pink scrotum.  
'Date.'  
Tony Harrison's eyes widened and he inched a little closer to the empty space next to him.  
_'Howard.' _Vince whispered softly, leaning as close to Howard as he could without attracting too much attention. Howard paused from his eating.  
_'What is it?'  
_Vince glanced nervously down at his lap. _'She's touching me, Howard.' _He whispered, bobbing his head at Methuselah, who'd been unfortunately seated next to him.  
_'Little man.' _Vince had moved so close to Howard that at any moment he would have been sitting on his lap or trying to crawl inside of the older man.  
_'Howard, she's touching my cock.'_ Vince's voice reached a ridiculously high squealing pitch.  
'Move.' Howard ordered, the pair quickly swapping places. Vince breathed a sigh of relief and happily tucked into his rapidly cooling soup. Howard kissed the side of the younger man's head, he didn't think about what he was doing it just felt like the most natural thing in the world, but the sound of Tony Harrison's harsh laughter caused him to blush furiously.  
'No offence son,' Tony Harrison cackled. '…but you two ain't married are you?' He asked jabbing two of his many fuchsia coloured tentacles at the pair. Vince stole a quick look at Howard before frowning and shaking his head silently.  
'No, no we're not.' Howard coughed nervously, feeling like every eye in the room was suddenly directed at him.  
'You can tell. I was on Mrs Harrison four times a night before we got married and now look at us.' He motioned towards the empty seat.  
'Jesus Tony.' Mabel snorted into her wine.  
'It's true, love.' Tony Harrison continued.  
'In all fairness Tony Harrison, I think most of the reason why Mrs Harrison left you was because you had sex with that old Jazz man's head.' Dennis piped up. Methuselah huffed loudly, folding her arms tightly across her chest sneering at her husband.  
'Methuselah please, we discussed this…'  
'Well I'm happy I got married.' Mabel smiled resting her head on Saboo's broad shoulder.  
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A mixture of cannabis, laughter and _MGMT's Electric Feel _floated up from the living room. Things had been tense at dinner but after Methuselah had left, with a 'headache', everything relaxed; Vince and Mabel in particular. Vince, because he was no longer being sexually harassed and Mabel, because she basked in the attention of being the only girl in the room, Howard had noticed that she'd developed a bit of a 'Wendy' complex.

Once he finished tucking Kitten back into his bed, Howard stood back and admired the sleeping boy. He'd been the only one to spot him peering through the banisters, clutching his stuffed pink rabbit tightly against his chest.  
_'Uncle Howard, can you get Mummy?' _Kitten had asked, sleepily rubbing one eye. It wasn't that she wasn't up to the task, she wasn't that drunk or even that stoned but Howard had decided to nominate himself for whatever task his nephew had required of his Mother.  
_'Will I do?' _Howard had inquired. Kitten had paused for a moment before shrugging his shoulders.  
_'I'm a bit scared…' _The little boy informed eloquently, _'…I need the wee and Mummy or Daddy usually take me to the toilet when it's dark.'  
'I completely understand, Sir.'_ Kitten had giggled. _'I could take you to the toilet. You know I have changed your nappy.'  
'Ewww!' _Kitten frowned, his little snub nose had wrinkled at the very thought. _'Ummm okay, you can come with me but you have to stand outside, you can't come in.'  
_His little nephew had told him solemnly, before excitedly holding out his arms, letting Howard sweep him up into his grasp.  
_'Here we go back up the wooden hill.' _Howard had smiled as they'd climbed back up the stairs.  
_'Mummy calls it that.'_

'Did he wake up?' His sister's familiar voice snapped Howard back into the present.  
'He just wanted someone to take him to the toilet.' He watched as Mabel leaned carefully across her sleeping son planting a tender kiss on his forehead. He still felt guilty at moments like that, when he saw how much she loved Kitten and what a surprisingly good Mother she actually was. He remembered how she'd hidden her pregnancy from him for so long. She'd been right to hide it, back then Howard never would have believed that she was capable of living a life as stable as this, he would have made her have an abortion for sure.  
'We're up with him at least four times a night, Saboo thinks we should just have him in with us.' Mabel mused; tilting her head to one side she studied Howard for a few moments.  
'You look…' She grinned breaking off and then continuing. '…are you getting broody Howard T J Moon?' Howard suddenly blanched, violently shaking his head.  
'Because I don't think Vince has got the hips for it.' She teased, jabbing him in the ribs with her sharp dagger like elbow.  
'No, no it's nothing like that it's just…' Howard scratched the back of his head as he tried to articulate the way he was feeling.  
'…I want this. Not this exactly, not a baby, I do not what a baby, Sir…' He stuttered.  
'But I want a life, like this, with Vince.' Mabel nodded without Howard registering it, she moved closer to him.  
'Why do you ask him Valentine's Day? It's a bit cheesy but I bet Vince would love it.' He was suddenly aware that her chin was resting against his chest.  
'Ask him what?' Howard stared down at her.  
'Urgh Howard,' She frowned, slipping her wedding ring off her finger before pushing the expensive looking platinum band back on her slender digit.  
'You should ask Vince to marry you on Valentine's Day.'  
He suddenly went mute everything slotting into place; he _did _want to marry Vince.  
'Now, come on stop being so anti-social.'  
'Are you hugging me?' Howard questioned, frowning at the pair of spindly arms wrapped around his waist.  
'Bam, surprise Ninja cuddles.' Mabel chuckled.

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They staggered over the threshold of Vince's front door shedding clothes as they went.  
'Door. Howard. Door.' Vince mused breathlessly between sloppy hungry kisses. With his legs wrapped tightly around Howard's waist, Vince struggled with the buttons on his shirt, Howard kicked the front door closed behind them.

Sex with Howard is the best. Vince has never felt so close to anyone before, ever. He's never had that connection that makes everything feel real and meaningful. It's like they finally make that whole person that both of their separate personalities have always represented. For a moment in time they are that one person and its all bliss and pain and heat, slick wet perfect heat; sweat and ragged breaths, moans and cries, which seem to emanate from the depth of their one united soul.  
He shudders at the thought of what Vince likes to call in his head SBH (sex before Howard), not that he regrets any of his previous encounters, he had fun and some of them were really, really fantastic. It's just, he can't believe that he went without this, without Howard for so long, that Howard had always been within his reach and that he'd never grabbed him before. Vince wishes he had just grabbed him and tongued him when they'd been at school or at collage or in the zoo. He wishes that they'd always been doing this, that they'd never wasted so much stupid time dancing around the fact that they always should have been shagging. They were never really like other best friends, there was always a little too many pauses, things unsaid; unnamed. Things which always seemed to be hovering just out of view. Vince knows how much it used to bother Howard the way 'other people' would always refer to them as a couple, one of them always being the other one's girlfriend or wife, but even he can see it now what everyone else must have always seen, they never saw.  
When it all gets too much, when he feels like he's about to explode, he buries his incisors deep into Howard's shoulder claiming him, because he is his.  
Something woke Howard up. He doesn't remember what it was, he thinks it was probably Leroy and Sue coming back from another night on the tiles. He smiles at Vince who's fast asleep. He roles against him, wrapping his arm loosely over the other man's skinny waist. He's spooning him, Howard grins knowing how much Vince likes spooning, spooning and a bit of early morning nipple action. Howard leans over him, planting a kiss on one of Vince's pronounced cheekbones. He'll never wake up, Howard reassures himself before whispering against Vince's ear.  
'I love you my…' He swallowed and bravely finished his sentence. 'husband.'  
It was a word that sounded alien to his lips, but it feels strangely natural. Howard gently pulls away from Vince, he sat up in the bed reaching out in the darkness he pulled his trousers back on. He stumbled about for a moment. Finally, he found the vest he been wearing under his shirt and, slinging the material over his head, he slipped out of the room, closing the bedroom door softly behind him. Howard stifled a yawn as he wandered into the kitchen, the smell hit him first, it emanated from the bin bags that cluttered the back door and the collection of plates, which festered away in the sink.  
It was disgusting and there was no way he and Vince were going to live like this when they moved into together, no way Sir. It was all going to be clean, tidy and above all organised.  
He pulled the fridge door open and glanced inside, the contents stared blankly back at him; a six pack of beer, a lonely looking mouldy carton of strawberries and a half eaten _Mars _bar. Howard sighed as he reached out grabbing a half empty bottle of milk and searched the cupboards for something approaching a clean glass. It's then that he starts to think about earlier the accident, his mind runs over it, replaying the event. What had been foggy suddenly clears, there had been someone on the road. He knew them, Howard was sure of that. He only saw the face quickly, it had been a sudden flash but he'd known them. It had been…

Vince had been dreaming, his dreams were usually random and confusing and this one had been no different. It had been a really sunny day and he'd been lying on his back with his hands behind his head, gazing up at a flawless sky. The grass had been made, surprisingly, out of lime flavoured bootlaces and the flowers out of fizzy sherbet and _Love Hearts_. He'd felt happy and peaceful and then Howard had appeared. He'd been a shadow spoiling Vince's perfect sky; he'd smiled up at him lazily.  
_'Alright Howard.' _Vince had grinned as Howard had sat down next to him. He'd giggled suddenly.  
_'Don't laugh at me, Sir.' _Howard had frowned grumpily.  
_'What the hell are you wearing?' _Vince had gestured towards the white feathers and the bright orange beak his friend had been clad in.  
_'I'm a swan aren't I' _Howard had informed him with a dejected sigh.  
_'A swan, how do you mean? You look more like a duck to me.' _Vince had teased and moved, resting his head on Howard's feathery lap.  
_'Don't touch me.' _The older man had whispered weakly, Vince had ignored him shuffling, a mixture of lime bootlaces and _Love Hearts _into his mouth.  
_'Don't touch me!'_  
_'Owww!' _Vince had cried out as Howard had roughly pushed him away, the force of which had caused him to bite his tongue.  
'_Oww_' Vince had complained, clutching his mouth as he struggled to use the lacerated muscle '_Oww, I bit my tongue'_  
_'I told you not to touch me, I don't like it.'  
_Vince had tasted the familiar tang of iron as his mouth had filled up with blood; he'd fallen forward and spat sending a scarlet cascade spiralling across the lime bootlaces and _Love Hearts_. He'd spoilt everything, his blood making everything look ugly and fake.  
_'This is forever.' _Howard had warned him.  
The sound of a glass smashing caused Vince's eyes to suddenly shoot open. He sat up in bed, breathing hard and frowning. He didn't like it, everything felt different. He was scared but he wasn't sure why. Vince glanced over at Howard but he wasn't been there, his side of the bed was rumpled but empty.  
'Howard!' He called out, his voice still thick with sleep. 'Howard!'  
Vince crawled out of bed, unable to shake the uneasy feeling that sat heavily in the pit of his stomach. He stumbled out of his bedroom, still caught in that limbo between sleep and wake, not really sure if he was still dreaming.  
He felt a bit silly, his flat wasn't even that big. There were only three places Howard could have feasibly been; the toilet, the living room or the kitchen. Or, in a really long shot, he could have wandered into Leroy and Sue's room but Vince had only done that once himself, when he'd been sleep walking and Howard didn't sleep walk.  
For some reason, he felt like he _had _to find Howard and that he had to find him now; it suddenly felt like everything depended on his friend's location.  
Vince peered into the kitchen, he'd never been very good at seeing in the dark, which was strange because he spent most of his time up late at night and he usually didn't get out of bed until about twelve in the afternoon, but the fridge door had been slightly ajar and the thin strip of yellow light which poured from the gap was illuminating the shards of a smashed glass and something else…was that a foot?


	3. Limit to your love

**Thanks 2 Sisi 4 Betaing: D**

**Soz 4 the delay I've really struggled with this chapter not sure if it's still right, but shrug lol…**

**Okay the title of this chapter is the title of the Fiest song, I listened 2 it loads when I was writing this, I lurv her music…lol…**

**Thanks 2 InconspicuousBunny 4 the review: D**

**I don't own this: D **

'It's freezing out there, Little man.' Howard shivered brushing the snow from shoulders of his jacket, he'd run up the stairs excitedly. At the top of the stairs, he'd stopped suddenly, blinking at the sight which had greeted him. All the furniture had been pushed to the edge of the room and in the centre of the living room sat a large tent, it had looked at first glance almost exactly like the tent they'd shared out in the frozen wilds of the Arctic Tundra.  
_'Vince?' Howard called out, the confusion had been thick in the sound of his voice.  
There'd been the sound of a zip being brought down and then Vince's head had suddenly poked out of the tent flap._  
_'You're back....' Vince had grinned as he'd crawled out of the tent._  
_'Yeah.' Howard had frowned._  
_'What is all this, Little man?'  
When Vince had stood up Howard had noticed that he'd been wearing his old 'Glam Rock ski suit', it had been as tight and as shiny as ever and he'd still resembled a human coke can._  
_'This is for you,' Vince had bounded towards him, he'd reached out grabbing his hand and tugged him in the direction of the tent._  
_'…for us..' He continued. Howard had glanced around the room noticing that the fire had been lit, he hadn't even known that the fire actually worked._  
_'Did you do that Little man?'_  
_'Yeah, I have skills Howard Moon.' Vince had flashed him a broad smile and a cheeky wink and Howard had found himself chuckling.  
'I thought we could toast up some tasty marshmallows and stuff, later.' The younger man had exclaimed excitedly as he'd dashed back inside the tent._  
_'You know you didn't have to go to all this trouble.' Howard had smirked as he'd watched Vince's pert, 'Glam Rock ski suit' clad, pumpkin behind bobbing in and out of the flap as he'd rustled about inside the tent._  
_'I wanted too. I know how disappointed you were about us not being able to go away this weekend because of all the bloody snow, and I thought…' Vince paused briefly....  
'…I thought we could you know go away here. We could pretend we were out in the Tundra again.' He'd sprung back up onto his feet he'd been holding something long and furry in his hands._  
_'Is that my mink coat?' Howard had questioned amazed. Vince's handed it to him and he'd stared at it blinking as he'd ran the familiar fur through his fingers. It had been warm, soft and full of memories._  
_'Where did you get this? I thought I'd left it behind in the Zoo when we'd moved here?'_  
_'Na, I found it in one of my bin bags. You remember when some of our stuff got mixed up.' Howard slipped out of his jacket and had been just about pull on his old mink coat when Vince had caught him by his hand._  
_'I was thinking,' The younger man had mused his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth, Howard knew that look._ _'…it's a lot warmer here than it was in the Tundra.'_  
_'Yes, I ah suppose it is.' Vince had inched closer to him he'd run his fingers down the sides of the tie Howard had been wearing._ _'You'll get all hot and sweaty and…'Vince had continued enthusiastically until Howard interrupted him._  
_'Its bad for you, you can get very ill coming in from the cold and then getting,'  
Vince stopped him resting his fingers against Howard's mouth. 'warm.' Vince had finished with a meaningful whisper. Howard had visibly shuddered._  
_'You better take your clothes of then.' Vince had giggled letting Howard go moving backwards. Howard hadn't even paused he'd practically torn the shirt he'd been wearing off popping several buttons in the action, his tie had gotten stuck around his head and it had caused both him and Vince to erupt into a sudden giggling fit.  
'I love you.' Howard had smiled as he'd pulled Vince into his arms planting a warm hungry kiss on the other man's open mouth. _

_  
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'Howard!' Vince skidded across the slippery kitchen floor, narrowly avoiding the shattered glass he fell suddenly onto his knees.  
'Howard, Howard!' He scrambled across the surface, desperately trying to reach the other man. It had been a foot that Vince had seen; Howard had been lying on his back close to the fridge surrounded by broken glass and what appeared to be a river of milk, which pooled around his motionless form.  
'Howard!' He cried out as he'd pulled Howard's body into his arms, he was heavy.  
'Howard wake up, Howard…Howard!' Vince shook him awkwardly.  
'Come on small eyes.' He coaxed him again; Howard was still, he wasn't moving at all he wasn't even…  
'Howard please wake up, please…please!' Vince sobbed, tugging at his shirt.  
It wasn't real, he was still dreaming this wasn't really happening.  
'Leave it out Vince, Sooze has got a shift in an hour can't you two fuck in your room?'Leroy's shadow appeared in the kitchen doorway. He stood there for a few moments whipping the sleeping out of his eyes.  
'Vince?' The kitchen light suddenly flipped on and everything became suddenly real.  
'Jesus.' Leroy whispered, his eyes moving from Vince to Howard and then back again. It took him a few moments to collect himself.  
'Sooze, Jesus Sooze!' He called out for his girlfriend, running into the bedroom they shared.  
'Howard.' Vince hadn't really been aware of what was happening; one minute Leroy had been there and the next Sue had taken his place inching over the glass.  
'Vince let Howard go, you have to let me treat him.' Sue informed him, her voice shaking a little. Unlike Vince and Leroy, she'd actually had a proper semi well paid job as a nurse at the local hospital. Leroy had met her the third time he'd been admitted for alcohol poisoning.  
Vince glanced down at Howard who was rapidly changing from a healthy pink colour to an unearthly grey; he nodded his head and let the blonde women take over she pulled Howard off his lap.  
'Has he taken anything?' Vince just stared listening to the sound of Leroy phoning an ambulance. A real ambulance was coming to their flat, it wasn't happening none of it was happening.  
'Vince!' She shouted at him, snapping him back into some sort of reality.  
'No…no Howard hates drugs.' He clutched at Howard's hand, even now it was cold but not normal cold that could be easily warmed up. It was really freezing, bitter, deathly cold.  
'We had an accident, I think he hit his head…he said he didn't but I think he did…I think he hit his head. Has he hit his head? Leroy, has he hit his head?' He glanced up at Leroy for reassurance; he was hurriedly pacing the space behind him still on his mobile.  
'I don't know mate.' Leroy replied in a dull monotone drone, Vince had only heard him sound like that once, when they'd missed out on tickets to see _David Bowie _live.  
'Howard, Howard can you hear me? Can you wake up love?' The tone of her voice had changed, she sounded like Nurse Sue. She didn't sound like Sue Leroy's girlfriend Vince's flat mate anymore, it was clinical and routine.  
'Howard.' She called his name again, checking Howard's pulse as she did so. Vince saw it, the expression on her face.... She'd suddenly blanched and her eyes had darted in his direction.  
'He's going to be alright, he has to be alright…he's going to be alright isn't he?' Vince rambled as he watched Sue attempting to resuscitate Howard.  
'Leroy tell 'em I've started chest compressions.'  
Vince frowned trying to take everything in; this wasn't really happening. He was still dreaming, he was sure of it. They were still in bed, he was all warm and cosy in Howard's arms. It was just a nightmare, any minute now he'd wake up and…and but the longer things seemed to go on the less likely it had been, even for Vince, to believe that it was in fact just a dream.

Everything seemed to happen fast and slow all at the same time. Two paramedics had appeared, bursting into the kitchen and then they'd been in the ambulance, but for all of the action taking place around him Vince had felt like his limbs had been stuck deep in treacle. He'd just clung desperately to Howard, listening to words he didn't understand. Howard never moved he never held his hand back, there was just nothing. Vince had squeezed tightly onto his digits but there was no response. He suddenly remembered all the times he'd held Howard's hand before, he'd held it earlier.  
At the hospital, Sue went with Howard and the other paramedics into a room but they wouldn't let Vince follow. The doors seemed to slam in his face and Leroy pulled him back away from them.  
'It's okay mate, you know what Howard's like, he's always getting himself into this kind of shit.' Leroy mused as he manoeuvred Vince into a plastic chair.  
'Do you remember,' He grinned sitting next to him, trying to lift the mood. '…do you remember when you told me he died, went to monkey hell you said…' The breath caught in Vince's chest and Leroy stopped talking.  
'Vince.' Leroy whispered after a short pause. 'Its gonna be okay, I'm sure.'  
Vince suddenly didn't feel very sure of anything, he felt cold and tired. He burst into tears suddenly.

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_Howard watched him._

_He could always feel it, feel Howard's stare, even when his own eyes were closed and he was lost in darkness. Howard never slept as soundly as him, he'd always wake up a couple of times each night and then Vince would feel him watching. It was like his gaze permeated everything, even Vince's dreams. _

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_Mr Moon…_

_Mr Howard Moon…_

_Howard Moon…_

_Howard…_

_Dead…_

The words reverberate inside Vince's empty head. But it wasn't true, it couldn't be true…Howard couldn't die not really, not ever, death and things like that didn't count they didn't exist, not in their little world. Death was something grown ups did and they weren't grown ups, they were just them…Vince and Howard, Howard couldn't die. And then Vince remembered that he was thirty, well physically at least he was still six in his head, but physically he was thirty and Howard was thirty-four and that did make them pretty grown-up. When had he turned thirty? June, that's when he'd turned thirty.

And then he was standing there staring at Howard. He couldn't remember getting up or even moving. He'd never seen anyone dead before, even when Howard had died at the zoo he'd never seen him he hadn't been brave enough to lift up the monkey mask, he couldn't face it. It wasn't how he'd imagined it, not how it looked on TV, but then that was just pretend and this was…

Howard didn't look like Howard anymore, it was his body but something was different. It was like someone leaving the light on in an empty house, the house was empty Howard was gone, really gone.

There are so many wires and tubes all still sticking out of him, out of Howard, the first thing Vince does is attempt to cover Howard's scared chest with the scraps of his ragged shirt, its impulse and habit he knows how Howard feels about his scars. He sits down heavily in the orange plastic chair next to the bed, and he just stares and stares, his vision becoming misty. He feels cold, so cold. Vince squeezes his hand and rubs his upper arm in a vain attempt to warm him up, but it doesn't matter how hard Vince tries, he just can't bring the warmth or the life back.

'Don't…' The word escapes his lips, from somewhere far down the hall he hears a shriek and he knows Mabel has arrived. It's the audible sound giving voice to the torment inside him, he wants to scream but he's lost what little voice he had.

'Don't, please don't leave me…' He whispers hoarsely.

'Don't leave me Howard I'm scared I don't want to be on my own, I'm scared.'


	4. Can you read my mind?

Vince lays there listening to the dull distant sound of the ticking clock, his head hurts the dull throb reverberates inside his skull. The pillow under his is damp with a combination of tears and dribble, he closes his mouth and opens his eyes. The first thing that greets his watery blood shot gaze is the space, the empty space next to him. He reaches out running his hand across the spare pillow it feels soft under his touch, he pulls it close hugging it tight to his chest he breaths deeply, its Howard it smells like Howard.

Vince's heart aches the pain is unbearable he feels like he's dying, he cries out his body releasing the tension.

_They gave all the forms to her, to Mabel, they the Doctors walked right past him and they gave them all to her. No one cared that Howard had been Vince's best friend, that he loved him more than it was humanly possible to love another person, none of it was legal it was all just feelings, and feeling don't mean anything Vince had learned that._

Vince is lying in his bed its strange, he's asked himself the question how, why did he want to go back there, back to where Howard had…**left **him. He still can't bring himself to say it, not that, he can't even think it. He wanted to go back to his flat because, because he didn't have anywhere else to go he doesn't have any money, and he could face the Nabootique, there's too much there to many memories it's Howard's home, it was their home…it's just all too much. He hasn't moved in days, he's only left the house twice since Howard **left**, once he went to the funeral directors with Mabel to make arrangements and the second time he'd gone back to the hospital to be with Howard. Howard had looked so different from the last time he'd seen him, he'd been grey, really grey and there'd been no possible doubt that he was…**gone**. Vince had picked out some things clothes, he couldn't decide what Howard would have wanted to wear it had taken him a whole night, in the end he settled for the ghastly coloured suit he'd been wearing at Mabel's wedding, that had been the day Vince had come back and everything had been perfect. Howard always looked nice in a suit, Vince had hoped it was what he wanted. He brushed his hair; Howard is so scruffy Vince wanted to make him look…

He tries to remember what the last thing he said to Howard was, exactly. But he can't, he can't remember. Its all his fault, everything is his fault he should have made Howard go home, or go to the hospital, it's his fault he's **gone**. He should have been there he should have been with him Howard shouldn't have had to **go **alone.

'Vince.' His whole body tenses at the sound of his name. Leroy reaches out and touches him, Vince shrinks away he doesn't want anyone to touch him he doesn't want to feel anything, he wants it all to be gone being touched reminds him that he's still alive.

'Mate, it's half ten you should start getting ready for the…' Leroy goes all quiet. Its Howard's funeral. Its different to the last one that wasn't real it had felt more like dressing up, this is real this doesn't feel like dressing up, Naboo isn't going to save them Naboo wont do anything however had Vince begs. That's why he's not coming, he's not welcome he's not invited if Vince sees him he'll kill him, he warned Mabel that Saboo's not welcome either in fact none of the board of Shaman are going to be there.

Vince blames Naboo, for not helping but also because this isn't their life not his and Howard's, their life was never like this before they went to that stupid zoo and met that poison dwarf of a Shaman. Nothing exciting ever happened to them that's true, but at least they'd been safe and Howard had been…

It's all Naboo's fault.

But it isn't, it's his fault…

Vince starts to cry and Leroy tries to hug him. Leroy's not very good a hugging he's better than Howard he's more open, but things have never really been the same between Vince and Leroy since that night when they woke up in Amsterdam completely naked and unaware if they had actually done what they'd both thought they'd done. Leroy might have touches of Vince's famous androgyny but deep down inside he's strictly a muff man. Vince had tried to reassure him that they hadn't slept together and that even if they had Leroy would probably have been the one doing the bumming, but the whole Howard dynamic had unnerved Leroy.

'…the thing.' Leroy finishes, it feels like ages since he's started talking.

Generally Vince isn't known for doing at lot of thinking, but he's been thinking about today a lot about what its going to be like, he's scared that he'll run away at the last second, he wants to run away from everything he wants to find somewhere to hide somewhere that no one will find him. He doesn't want to cry he wants to be strong, he use to be strong.

'Is this your gear?' Leroy quizzed pointing the outfit hanging on the front of Vince's wardrobe.

'Do you want a hand, you know…' _'No, I don't need you to fucking dress me…' _Vince shot him a look.

'Sue's making some toast and stuff come out and have some when you've finished, yea.' Leroy leaves closing the door softly behind him, Vince has never known Leroy to be anything but loud but he's always quite now, always cautious, he barely speaks to him afraid he'll say the wrong thing.

Vince takes a deep breath breathing in the last of Howard' s scent which still lingers on the pillow, he steels himself after today he wont have to worry this, this is the last thing once this is done…everything will be over, _everything_.

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'Naboo give you these.' Bollo greets him in the glass fronted porch way of crematorium.

'I don't want them.' Vince sneered back glancing down at the bunch of flowers. He tries his hardest to hate Naboo but he can't he wishes he was there, he wishes…Vince swallows hard seeing the look of distress on the ape's weather beaten features, without saying anything he holds out his hand taking the bouquet, there's no card there's nothing anyone can say.

The doors are in front of him he suddenly feels like running away it washes over him and he gasps suddenly clutching at his chest.

'Precious Vince!'

'Bollo I, I…I can't, I can't…please don't, I don't want this.' His eyes dart about as he looks for a possible escape a way of making this go away. Bollo doesn't say anything he's just there with holding out his big furry strong monkey arm, Vince clings to him.

The doors open and they're suddenly both inside and its just a bad, no it's worse that Vince could ever have imagined. The first thing he sees if the coffin, Howard's in there, the lids closed he hopes its not too dark in there, Howard doesn't mind the dark but still its…

He clings on tighter too Bollo he must be pulling most of the hair out on his arms, but the ape never complains. They walk down the aisle past the pews Howard is waiting for him at the alter, it's a horrible irony. They always did get everything wrong. Oh god, there it was that past tense it just slipped in without him really even thinking about it. Leroy and Sue are bringing up the rear Vince can feel them behind him. There's not a bad turn out better than Howard's first funeral, Bob Fossil is there, Lester Concrake along with some of the old gimmers from Howard's jazzazise, Howard's annoying permanently smug ex-boyfriend Jack is there too and it looks like he's brought at date, who brings a date to their ex's funeral? Vince is surprised when he spots Mrs Gideon sitting a few rows from the back, the same Mrs Gideon who couldn't have picked Howard out in a line up. Finally he reached the front, the family pew is rather empty there's just Mabel wearing a pair of huge expensive looking black bug-eyed glasses, which cover most of her face and Kitten who's fidgeting next to her a plastic toy digger on his lap. Reluctantly Vince lets go of Bollo, who sits behind him with Leroy and Sue, he slips into the pew next to Howard's sister and before he knows it her hand is entwined with his. He squeezed her hand back and just longs for everything to be finally over.

He wrote stuff down things that he wanted to say about Howard, but he doesn't have the strength, he can't stand there next to Howard's coffin and talk about him in the past tense, say good-bye in front of other people. So after Mabel finishes her eulogy he folds the tear stained piece of paper back into his jacket pocket and just sits there, silent.

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'Mummy.' Kitten muses, nudging into his Mother his forehead creasing in a confused tight little frown.

'Yes, sweetheart?' Mabel keeps her voice low as she wraps one arm protectively over her son's narrow shoulders.

'You said Uncle Howard had gone to Devon to look after my hamster, didn't you?' She paused for a moment before nodding. She knew her son, she could tell when he was on the verge of doing or saying something, he was holding back gazing at the empty space next to him.

'Why, are you here then?' He asks the void of space in a hushed conspiratorial whisper.

'Have you got Hammy with you?'

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After the funeral they go to this house, it's really big and grand and somewhere deep in the countryside. Originally there had been talk of having the wake at the shop, or Vince's flat or Mabel's house. But Vince can't face ever going back to the shop, it feels wrong to have a wake in the same space where Howard…, and Mabel's house was one of the last places they were ever really happy, plus Saboo would have been there. So a big house out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by rolling hills and patchwork fields is the compromise.

Vince watches the trays of food being handed about by anonymous waiters and waitresses in black and white, there are more people there now people who couldn't make the main event. He hasn't eaten anything in days, food is like poison it makes him feel sick he escapes out on to a expensive grand stone terrace, which leads down to a long manicured garden. Mabel is standing there leaning against the carved banister watching her son as he chatters away to himself on the lawn.

'There's some stuff,' She pauses shivering.

'…in boxes in my garage I picked most of it up from the shop yesterday, Bollo…' She swallows her sentence breaking off mid flow once again.

'…Bollo cleared out Howard's room. You should have them, all of them.' Vince just nods.

'The boxes I mean.' She adds quickly, there's a nervous edge to her voice.

'What about your parents?'

'I think that the fact that neither of them bothered to turn up pretty much answers that, Vince.' She snorts with a hollow laugh. Vince wonders why Howard's parents hate him so much, why they hate her. She stubs out her cigarette crushing it under her pointed _Versace _heel.

'Kitten come on, back inside its getting cold sweetheart!' She calls out to the little boy.

'Awww Mummy five more minutes, please!' Kitten begs.

'No now come on, I'm not in the mood for this, not today.'

Her hand moves up to her face and Vince catches sight of the angry scar across her wrist, he stares at it for longer than he should. He thought about cutting his wrists the blood doesn't bother him, and he's too far gone to feel much pain it's that which bothers him, the fact that it might not work, that he might not die the first time she didn't die, did she? He couldn't face that waking up in the hospital, confronted by his complete and utter failure. Pills, pills are easier, but harder to obtain the prescription ones anyway. He's thought about just over dosing, but Leroy's warned off most of the drug dealers from selling to him, he'd have to go out of London to get his hands on anything; he doesn't have any money not even enough for a one way ticket.

Reluctantly Kitten gives into his Mother's will and he rushes past Vince, he smiles at him waving as he runs by, back into the house.

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She rubs her nose sniffing and snorting, it tickles. Blood trickles from her nostril splashing against the white porcelain of the sink she's leaning against. Howard would hate her for this, he'd give her that look that she dislikes so much, that look when she knows she disappointed him, she always disappointed him.

It's been a good three years, for her that's some sort of a record there was a time in her life when she couldn't get out of bed without being coked up out of her head, she couldn't face the world. Is this a dream? Or something that's fallen out of her broken head? Maybe she's still locked away somewhere…

She feels the familiar tingling, it's like there's plastic running through her veins everything is sharper, quicker, brighter, louder. She can do this, she reassures herself smoothing down the front of her dress, she glances up at the mirror hanging over the sink and the first thing she sees is Howard.


	5. Deals and Death, again

'Vince! Little man I'm back!' Howard's voice rang out through the house as the door slammed shut behind him. He was greeted by silence, he frowned that seemed to happen a lot now a days the silence he struggle to remember the last time he'd really talked to someone, anyone.

'Vince!' He called up the stairs wandering from into the living room from the hallway. Order and tidiness meet him, everything is stacked away, everything is clean it's like Vince doesn't live with him at all. There's a pink scrap of paper on the coffee table, Howard lifts it up and scans it quickly.

_Gone out!_

_Be back later._

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Vince always seems to be out these days, they always end up missing each other it's as if they're intentionally being kept apart. Before Howard can have a good long think about anything the doorbell rings, and the scrap of paper disappears. He doesn't know how he gets from the living room to the door but he's suddenly standing in front of it, opening it and then there's a girl.

'Mr Howard Moon?' The girl asks consulting the scarlet clipboard in her skinny arms.

'Ah…yes, yes I'm Howard Moon how can I…' Before he can finish his sentence he suddenly finds himself sitting on the sofa with the girl seated next to him, he has a steaming cup of tea in his hands he just stares down at it frowning trying to work out when he made it.

'We're having a problem with your paperwork, Howard.' The girl informs him, she's just a child she can't be more than twelve she's got a child's voice it's all girly and high pitched when did child labour become legal, he can't be that old can he?

'My, my paperwork?' Howard stammers confused. A file suddenly appears in her child like hands it's relatively thick and a subtle muffin colour there's a label on the front with his name.

'It would appear that you're not meant to be here Howard.' He moves to put his mug on the coffee table but he misjudges the angle and the liquid tumbles to the floor.

'Shit…I mean, shit!' He grumbles dashing into the kitchen to find something to mop the mess up with, tea towel in hand Howard rushes back into the living room his eyes widen the stain is gone and so is the mug and the tea towel. Everything suddenly lurches and he feels sick.

'Sinking in is it?' The girl has a pink glittery butterfly clip in her hair it bobs about when she talks. He's sitting back on the sofa.

'This…is my house…' He breaths unsure.

'About that, do you remember buying this house Howard? When did you move in? Do you remember moving in?' He swallows hard, he doesn't.

'When was the last time you saw Vince exactly, Howard?' That hits a cord.

'That's what I thought.' The girl muses with a cryptic smile, it's like she can read his mind he can almost feel her burrowing about inside his head.

'Now Howard, I've been sent here by the head honcho to troubleshoot this little problem.' The girl informed him sagely, as sagely as anyone could while blowing powder pink bubblegum.

'And if I can't help you you're royally fucked and the universe will end.' A childish giggle escapes her mouth; it dawns on him she looks a lot like _Shirley Temple_.

'No I'm only joking the universe won't end, but you are fucked.' It's disturbing hearing a child swear like that.

'Now I've been told to approach you with an offer, you can stay here in status or we'll try and find a slot for you somewhere, but…' She raises one golden eyebrow. 'I like you Howard, you strike me as a winner a man of action.' Howard puffs out; he doesn't notice her calculated smirk, she knows exactly how to hit the buttons.

'So I'm going to offer you a third way so to speak,' The girl leans in close whispering something against his ear.

'And that's just between you and me.' She grins.

Howard digest everything for a moment all the information whirling around inside his head, he jumps up suddenly.

'Are you…' He laughs, he can't believe what he's about to say.

'…are you the Devil?'

She smiles leaning back on the sofa crossing one tiny leg over the other.

'I go by many names, Sir.' She concludes blowing another bubble.

'But given your ideological background, yes I suppose I am the devil.'

'I don't understand?' Howard paces across the room.

'Yes I suppose this is rather cruel, I told … the other day when we were having lunch in _Weitherspoon's_ that … should be more hands on with your lot, like me now I'm all for the people.'

Howard feels faint like he's about to hyperventilate any second the whole room, no the world is spinning. This isn't, can't be happening.

'How…how…how?' He stutters gripping his arm tarring a Chinese burn across it in a vain attempt to wake himself up.

'You died Howard, don't you remember? You died on the kitchen floor in Vince's house.'

'No, no…no…no I didn't, no I…' But he did, the knowledge hits him like a brick he died, he died and it was horrible.

'_Vince.' _He can't be dead, if he's dead what will happen to Vince? He can't leave Vince, he has to find a way…And then she's looking at him.

'Why? Why are you offering to do that to help me?'

'Come here and sit down.' She pads the seat next to her, as soon as he sits back down she pulls out a Polaroid from a bright pink bag on her lap in the shape of a toy poodle.

'Bainbridge?'

'Mr Dixon Bainbridge has been a very naughty boy Howard, a very naughty boy. He escaped and I want you to find him and bring him back to me, if you bring him back to me then I'll do what I promised I always keep my word to the letter.' Howard can't believe his contemplating actually doing a deal with the twelve year old Devil, but then he thinks about Vince and he can't breathe he can't let him suffer, he can't leave him.

'What if I fail, what if I can't find him?'

'Then you'll take his place I don't mind which one of you I have as long as I have one of you, I've got a quota to fill. But I'd rather have him.' Her eyes narrow, he doesn't need to think twice.

'Do you have a pen or something?'

'Don't need one,' She pulls a funny looking electronic pad from her bag, which looks to small to fit something so large inside.

'…it's all electronic up here, stopped using pens two millenniums ago, we're progressive.' Howard signs his soul away for the second time.

'**Now, for the small print…'**

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Howard remembers what it was like to die, now. The first time he'd died back in Bollo's enclosure at the zoo had been so different it had been over really quickly, before he'd even had the chance to register what had been happening. The second time he could feel the life literally ebbing away from him, he heard Vince voice he could hear him crying but he'd been frozen stuck inside himself waging his own private war with the gathering darkness. Somehow it all seemed right, that he should die there like that when he'd been so close to being so happy. He should have asked Vince to marry him before, he shouldn't have waited he should have asked him the minute he had come back into his life. Howard had always been waiting for something, he'd never been quite sure what it was, the perfect person, the perfect life, the perfect job, he'd wasted so much of his painfully short life waiting. Thirty-four, that wasn't any sort of age to die at.

Howard never got anything right.

But he couldn't fail at this, he just couldn't. He didn't want to leave Vince, and he certainly didn't want to be the one to replace Dixon Bainbridge in hell.

This Howard Moon just could not fuck up.

When he opened his eyes he was back in the hospital, it took him a few moments to adjust and then he saw himself, he saw himself actually laying there…dead. There are no words, no description that can adequately described what it's like to see yourself like that actually dead, to be standing outside of your own body seeing for the first time what everyone else sees when they look at you.

His gaze shifts from his lifeless form over to Vince who is hunched over clutching at his hand and quietly sobbing. He looks so small, so defeated, all Howard wants to do is hold him.

'Don't, please don't leave me…' Vince's voice escaped his body in a thin desperate plea. Howard's heart broke he couldn't stand it.

'Little man.' He whispers softly.

_He remembers the rules, the fine print no one not Vince, not Naboo, not Bollo no one can see him._

Howard kneels down next to Vince, his hands tense it's an irony that he's always been a man that hated to be touched, that rebuffed any physical contact, he'd sell his soul all over again to touch Vince, to kiss him, to tell him that everything…everything is going to be alright that they'll get thought this, he'll get them through this.

Howard has to believe that, he has to believe it or it will never work.

'Little man, listen to me.' Howard exhales knowing that Vince will never hear him.

'I love you,' He pauses hearing another loud heart wrenching sob.

'I love you.' His voice cracks.

'And I promise I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you Vince.'

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Her favourite film has always been _Rebecca_. She's always liked black and white films; she'd been brought up on a diet of them from an early age. It was the only connection she ever had with her Mother.

She tried to read the book several times but it never measured up she always ended up picturing the film, and then she'd just lose interest and watch it again. She's never had much of an imagination, hallucinations she does, imagination is something she never quite mastered. Howard has always been the one with the imagination his ideas always extended far behind the boundaries of their back garden. He stopped playing with her when she went mad, they stopped being brother and sister then, she'd always been annoying she was his sister it was her job, but she knew most of the time after that, he'd wished she'd never existed. So she stopped existing. She'd never had much free will but whatever she had, had just all just melted away. After that she got use to people doing what they wanted to do to her.

She stares into the bathroom mirror transfixed it's him, its Howard standing behind her. He's not looking at her his face is turned away; he's pressed against the bathroom door. She blinks once, twice, three times but he's always still there. Just standing there. Her heart is racing she knows it's a combination of the coke and the _this_, she can't face it she can't face it all starting up again, she can't go from medication to medication until they finally find another one that works.

Howard's crying, she's only seen him cry three or four times. She wants to reach out she wants to comfort him, and then she realises suddenly that none of this is real its all inside her broken head.

_She can't see him, she can't see him, he's not there, it's not real, she just has to get through this and then go home and take one of her pills._

She collects up her handbag and moves towards the door, how is she going to get through the door with Howard standing in front of it like a big tree? She pinches herself he's not really standing there. Howard turns startled she gets the feeling that he didn't know anyone was in the bathroom, that he thought he was alone. He gazes at her and she tries her hardest not to see not to notice, but he spots the hesitation in her eye.

'Mabel can you…' His voice is thick with hope.

'…can you see me?'

_No_ she wants to scream at the top of her lungs, but instead her gaze darts away and she rushes quickly through the door.

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When they get home Saboo is gone, part of her is disappointed she asked him for space never fully expecting that he'd actually give her any. She feels like she's spent most of her life on her own only ever occasionally bumping into another human being. She wonders if it's another thing she's dreamt up like Howard in the bathroom, has she ever actually been married?

There both exhausted she carries Kitten's sleeping form back inside their home, laying him down gently across her mattress. She needs to keep him with her, she needs to know he's real. She stretches out next to him gazing up at the bedroom ceiling, she so tired that she forgets to take her tablet, she's so tired that before long she's fallen fast asleep.

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Howard knows he should have left Vince by now, he should be out trying to hunt Dixon Bainbridge down, but he can't, he can't bring himself to leave him. Howard realises something watching Vince waste away that, that shallow electric poof loves him more than he ever really thought he did. He knows Vince loved him but never this much. It's unbearable, he follows Vince everywhere like a constant shadow even though Vince never really leaves his bedroom. Vince has always been the stronger one, even now when he's at his lowest he's about a million times stronger than Howard, Howard would have taken the easy way out ages ago he wouldn't even have thought twice.

He can't stay with Vince forever though, that's another clause in the 'fine print'. It takes too much out of him to project himself back into the world for too long, he's getting better at it though his stamina is slowly increasing, but every time he closes his eyes time seems to jump forward, it's more than disorientating it makes him feel so dizzy that he thinks his head will explode and sick to the pit of his stomach. And the periods which he seems to skip last longer, the longer he's been projecting himself he's missed whole days. The next time he opens his eyes and escapes the darkness he's at his own funeral. The first thing he sees after his own coffin is Vince, he looks so thin and so pale he looks like he's dying, Howard can't face it he's a coward he can't face seeing Vince like that, he closes his eyes but he doesn't get very far the next thing he knows he's sitting in a pew next to his young nephew. He can see from where he's positioned that Vince is clearly shaking, this is such torture that he wonders if he isn't in hell already. He watches as his sister does all the comforting that he should be doing, he should be the one hold Vince's hand. It's then that he realises that he's being stared at he can feel a pair of eyes blinking up at him, he glances down at Kitten who flashes him a smile.

'Can you see me?' Howard asks the little boy waving his hand in front of his eyes, the little boy blinks and tries to push his hand away.

'Yep.' Hope, real hope flourishes inside Howard.

'Tell Vince I'm here, Kit. Tell him I'm sorting everything out.'

'I can't.' Kitten informed simply.

'What? Why?' Howard asked desperately.

'Because of Mummy,' The penny suddenly drops.

'No Kit listen to me it's not like Mummy, you're not like your Mummy I really am here you have to tell Vince please.' Kitten glances away looking over at his Mother and Vince.

'Why didn't you take Vince with you?' Howard frowns.

'I, I…I just wanted to get away and Vince, Vince wouldn't like it where I went. But I'm coming back, and I need him to know.'

'Did you have a fight? When Mummy and Daddy have a fight Mummy always tells Daddy to go away and never come back. Is that what happened did Vince tell you to go away?' He reaches out to touch the little boy but he remembers and suddenly pulls back, the last thing he wants to do is scare him.

'No it's not like that, me and Vince didn't have a fight I went on holiday to do a bit of work and Vince was busy at the shop and couldn't come.' He watched as Kitten grinned.

'Was Devon really that bad?' They both giggle, he's almost forgotten what it's like to actually laugh it feels like a relief, it makes him feel alive.

'Sssush.' Howard motions for Kitten to keep his voice down.

'Vince would have hated it, all countryside, wide open spaces and quiet.'

'Vince, would hate that.' Kitten agreed solemnly.

'I would like it though, why didn't you take me?'

'I will I promise when I come back, I'll take you on a really special holiday just you, me and Vince. How does that sound?' Howard feels suddenly dizzy he's been concentrating his energy for too long, he can feel himself fading slipping away, he glances over at Vince desperately.

'I've got to go now.' He whispered weakly watching Kitten's face fall.

'No, no, no I'll see you later I promise, but remember you have to tell Vince that I was here, you have to tell him that I made a deal with…'

And then Howard was gone.

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Howard wasn't sure how long he's been gone for, when he opened his eyes again he was standing in a garden.

'You're back!' Kitten appeared running in an excited circle around him.

'I promised, didn't I?' He grinned glancing around trying to get his bearings, he'd never been to this place before.

'Where are we?' He asked terrified that he'd overshot again.

'Still at your party, it's really boring everyone is crying.' Howard blinked so this was his wake, Mabel had spent a lot of money on him, a lot of Bainbridge's money he reminded himself.

'Have you seen Vince yet?'

'Nope.' Kitten replied. Howard could feel the frustration building up inside of him _'how hard was it too give someone a message?' _he was ready to explode, but before he could a wave of guilt washed over him, Kitten was just a child he didn't know what was going on it wasn't his fault.

'Where's Naboolio and your Dad?' He changes the subject.

'Not invited. Bollo is here though.' Howard starts to speak but Kitten interrupts him.

'Is Daddy with you?' He raises one eyebrow and shakes his head, Saboo can't be dead can he? Howard's pretty sure that the Shaman's not anything remotely approaching human, he's seen him turn into a bat and get a knitting needle in the head, he's not sure if that means he can actually die or not. But the Kitten doesn't have a clue so it could mean anything.

'Oh, it's just Mummy said Daddy was going away and I though he might have been with you.' This is all because of him, Vince and Naboo aren't speaking, Mabel has obviously kicked her husband out of their house, this is all his fault he's managed to ruin all the lives of the people he cares about the most.

When he looks up from Kitten he can see Vince and his sister talking on the balcony above him. They're not really talking she talking Vince just seems to nod every now and then, he looks down for the briefest of moments Howard forgets everything and calls out his friend's name.

'Vince!' Vince turns away his name burning a whole in Howard's throat, it hangs there invisible.

'Are you sure you two didn't have a fight?' He can hear his sister calling out for his nephew, and he shrugs defeated.

'I'm not sure about anything.'

'You'll work it out.' Kitten informs him, the little boy doesn't know it but he sounds just like the Grandmother he's never met. His parents, Howard suddenly realises that they're not there not at his funeral. Howard knows she didn't invite them, their parents might have been distant but they had always been correct, what would the neighbours think if they found out that Mr and Mrs Moon didn't attend their own son's, their only son's funeral? They wouldn't risk the embarrassment. He doesn't blame her not really, they never took any active part in either of their lives why should she give them this? He understands and he doesn't blame her.

'You better go, your Mummy wants you.'

'She looks angry and sad.' Kitten commented.

'Uncle Howard, will you come home with us later?'

Howard couldn't stop crying, he hid in one of the many plush luxurious bathrooms sobbing quietly to himself. Why was this happening? Why was this happening to him? Everything had been perfect and this was a nightmare. He didn't disserve this, Vince didn't disserve this, not after everything that they'd been through before, four years of solid patients and torture they disserved to be happy it wasn't much to ask. Howard dried his eyes his breathing retuning to something close to normal, a noise behind him a shuffle startled him and he spun around. He'd been bumping into people all day, being knock through walls and doors, but this was different he'd thought that Kitten was the only one who could see him but he's wrong, he sees the hesitation in her gaze.

'Mabel can you…' His heart is beating so fast he's pretty sure that at any moment it will drill a hole straight through his chest.

'…can you see me?' Her actions scream _yes_, yes she can see him, she's always been a terrible liar he spots it immediately.

'Mabel…' Before he has the chance to stop her she bolted out of the bathroom and down the corridor.

'Mabel!'


	6. It's the poison wrapped up in a bombom

**I'm sorry if this is really terrible Hayley (Sisi) is my BETA but I forgot 2 email her this lol…**

**Soz Hayley: (**

**Ne way soz if it's really bad lol… **

_Vince's answer machine clicked in. She thought twice about leaving a message, and redialled his familiar number. Vince's answer machine clicked in again, and again and again. It wasn't unusual Vince's phone was generally engaged, he was always talking away to someone but he would always get back to her, always even if he just send a text because he'd know she'd be ringing to check up on, Howard who never had his phone switched on and was always with Vince._

_But Vince was never going to pick up his vibrating mobile, because at that moment it sat limply singing away in his open unmoving hand. _

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Vince had waited, he'd bided his time until Bollo and Mabel were both out sight and then he'd left. He couldn't bare it any longer he'd had to get out, he couldn't stand it the noise the life, all the people milling about.

He'd started crying again as he'd found himself wandering along a narrow country road, he'd always hated the country, it was too quiet and it smelt funny. He'd felt out of place, Howard had always banged on about the benefits of the countryside how it was good to get out of the city every now and then, about how…how when they'd both ended up crumbling old farts they'd live in some ivy covered cottage in the middle of nowhere with a couple of rabbits. Vince had always hated the idea of his future ending up like that, he'd never seen himself getting old, he'd never wanted to leave the city and what had happened to him being rich and famous and a rock star?

He'd finally got a signal and ordered a taxi.

The next thing he'd known was he'd been driving along in the back of the taxi watching as the countryside hurtled past him, he'd gazed out of the window and soaked up the sight of the pale wintery sun as it had begun to dip on the horizon. Everything was golden, Howard would have loved it he would have said something profound and poetic. Vince had remembered when they'd taken Kitten to the Heath, it had been so sunny that day, he'd almost died from laughing as he'd watched Howard as he'd tried and failed miserably to fly his nephew's kite, Kitten's kite had eventually ended up tangled in a tree.

When he'd gone back to his flat the first thing he'd done was run himself a bath. He'd sat stewing away in the water sobbing desperately as he'd poured the remains of the half full bottle of vodka he'd found under his bed down his throat.

After his bath he'd spent and hour straightening his hair and choosing his outfit, he'd wanted to look his best…no better than his best he'd wanted to look perfect.

When he'd finished getting ready he'd drunkenly scrawled three notes, by that point he'd knocked back everything alcoholic left in the flat.

The first note had been to Leroy, it had been full of how he'd always been his best friend, what a laugh they'd always had, how his last haircut had looked really terrible, how great there band would have been, how much he appreciated him for always putting up with him, how he'd been sorry for letting him down so many times to do stuff with Howard, how he should have been a better friend.

The second one was to Bollo, Vince had explained how sorry he was, how it wasn't anyone's fault, how no one could have saved him he'd known that the ape would have blamed himself he'd wanted to put Bollo's mind at rest that it really would have been for the best.

The last one was to Naboo it was the easiest one to write, it outlined what Vince wanted to happen to his body when they found him. He'd wanted to be cremated like Howard, he'd wanted some of his ashes to be scattered in _Topshop_, whatever was left he'd wanted to be mixed up with Howard's and scattered at the zoo, what was left of the zoo. He didn't go into much detail about music or flowers or colours or readings Vince didn't care about any of that he'd just wanted to die, he'd just wanted to be with Howard, wherever Howard was he just wanted it to be all over to draw a permanent line in the sand.

Before he'd left the flat Vince had pulled one of the photos of him and Howard that had plastered his bedroom wall, he didn't want to die alone.

Vince had never found it hard to find someone to buy him a drink and that evening had been no exception. They'd all been on him from the moment he'd stepped through the doors, men women, they'd all wanted him they always had.

He'd been standing in the clubs moronic unisex bathrooms when he'd done it, he'd been staring at his reflection in the mirror and trying not to cry. It had been a week night and the club had been relatively quiet and the toilets had been empty. Vince had taken a long sip of his _Flirtini _before pouring the contents of the small plastic coin bag down his throat he barely chewed it tasted bitter, he'd washed it down with another long slurp from his drink he'd hoped that the alcohol in his blood stream would have gone someway to finishing him off.

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'_Vince, Vince!' Howard cried impotently as he was forced to stare into the mirror of life forced to watch as the person he loved most, the person his life revolved around, the one thing his soul vibrated for killed himself._

'_Vince,' His voice caught in his chest, his vision was streaming with tears._

'_Please…please do something, please anything. He can't, you can't let him die…I don't want Vince…oh God please help me…' Howard sobbed desperately he wasn't above, the little girl next to him hummed to herself rocking backwards and forwards on the heels of her shiny patent fuchsia Mary Anne's. She pulled the lolly pop she'd been busily sucking on out of her mouth, her eyes flicked from the vision of Vince back to Howard._

'_We had an agreement, you…you promised.'_

'_Indeed we do, Sir.' She grinned mocking him._

'_Please…'_

_She pulled an electronic pad out of nowhere gazing at it studiously._

'_There's only one name on our agreement Howard, and that's yours there's no mention of your Vince, now it's not my responsibility if your Vince with all his free will decided to go and do a silly thing like kill himself is it?'_

_Howard's eyes were drawn back to Vince, there was no point in any of this if Vince died, he had to live. Howard fell down on his knees in front of the prepubescent Devil._

'_Look I'll do anything, anything…' He begged._

'_You already did it.' She informed him matter-of-factly. _

'_He's an interesting one your Vince, I've been doing a little bed time reading on him, he's got quite the file you know.' She mused in a chit chatty manner, Howard's brain suddenly stalled._

'_I've got a special place for boys and girls like him, all mirrors and lots of nasty sharp edges.' No sooner were the words leaving her mouth than her demeanour suddenly changed as she took on the look of a sulky child being told off._

'_**Yes, but…oh but, yes. No, look that's wasn't my…' **_

'_**No I don't want you to come here, no I can…' **_

_Her unseen conversation halted when a small fluffy rabbit appeared in her open hands._

'_Why do you always have to do this, you're making a fool of me in front of a client.' She complained petulantly. Suddenly remembering Howard she pushed the rabbit in his face, he stared back at the emotionless twitching gaze._

'_Oh, this is Howard.' _

'_Howard, this is the Devine creator, the ultimate force in the Universe, just call it PomPom for short.' PomPom or God as it was most universally known just nibbled casually on a lettuce leaf. _

'_PomPom says the Vince thing will be dealt with.' And with that PomPom the rabbit vanished as quickly as it had appeared._

'…_now get up you look like a prick.' The image of Vince faded, the mirror of life clouded over becoming just another reflective mirror. _

'_I think it's about time you knew the reason why you ended up here.'_

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'What's this called again?' The girl seated on a high metal stool at the futuristic looking bar questioned, as she took another sip from her tall frosted glass.

'Somethin' sweet for Miss Clementine.' The bar tender grinned gesturing towards the plastic name tag she was wearing on the pocket of her shirt.

'Shonky bugger.' She chuckled finishing the last of her drink, knocking it back letting the luminous yellow liquid slip down the back of her throat burning her chest harshly. She hoped down the stool a little unsteadily.

'Oi, where's ya loos?' She quizzed, for some reason anytime she was ever outside of Australia he accent always got stronger like she wanted everyone to know she was an Australian subconsciously or something, when she was at home she never sounded as broad but in London she'd turned into a living caricature. She wandered in the direction the bar tended had pointed, she stumbled along the corridor wondering if she should have drunk all those triple Vodkas before ordering that cocktail. She found the bathroom, she found herself staring bleary eyed at the metal sign gazing back at her 'unisex'. She didn't like the sound of that, guys in her experience tended to piss everywhere sober or trashed. She pushed through the swinging door and the first thing that hit her was the smell, raw unadulterated urine, the worst thing was that the bathroom was pretty smart all brushed metal and cheerful neon. The two things that let it down were the stench of piss and the urinals against the back wall. She dashed into one of the cubicles, yanking her work skirt down she searched through her handbag fishing for her mobile. Finding it she moved to place her bag on the floor safely between her legs, it was a habit she'd developed since her bag had been snatched from over the top of a toilet cubical when she'd been at the airport. It was then that she'd seen it the curled hand over spilling into her cubical. She stared at it watching it twitch, there was something oddly familiar about that hand. She pushed it with the edge of shoe wanting to edge it out of her eye line, she caught a flash of a very familiar looking watch strap, it had _Gary Numan's _face emblazed on the dial, it reminded her of the watch she'd given…

Clem frowned her gaze caught by the hand and the watch, her heart seemed to skip a beat.

'_Vince?' _

'Vince!' She stumbled over her handbag as she tore out of her cubicle, her giving the neighbouring door a hard shove.

'Vince!'

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_When Howard next opened his eyes he found himself standing in the dark back in Vince's kitchen, he's eyes widen a little in the gloom as he watches himself walk through the door. _

'_Vince, what about Vince?' He questions trying his hardest not to notice how happy the other version of him looked. He'd felt happy, at that moment he'd been planning his future with Vince all out in his head._

'_I told you its being dealt with.' The little girl standing next to him answers tersely._

'_What does than mean?' Howard's voice escapes his body in an anguished whisper._

'_It means whatever you want it to mean, now stop being boring and watch the next bit.' She snaps at him, Howard's flooded with uncertainty he hopes it means Vince is alright but deep down inside he knows he'd never get that lucky that Vince is probably dead right then and there while he's playing this game. He looks through he can't help himself he does what he's told, he always does what he's told and he watches himself as the other version of him the past/living version of him is busily pouring himself a glass of milk, that's the last thing he remembers, everything after that is just Vince crying his name over and over again, spots of colour and then darkness which seems to stretch on forever._

_He realises for the first time that he wasn't alone, that something had been moving in the corner of the kitchen a vague shadowy figure. It hovers closer to the past/living version of Howard and he sees that it's one of the Reapers, only there's something not quite right about this one it's hands for a start, it actually has hands and not just bones there's something oddly jarring and familiar about the way it moves. Howard's breath catches in his chest as he watches the Reaper plunge it's flesh hand deep into his chest. Everything suddenly pauses as if it was on DVD. _

'_And that's how you died Howard Moon.' Howard's struck dumb by his confusion._

_And then his foggy memory clears a little and he remembers the figure on the road. There had been someone out there that night, he had hit someone of course it didn't really matter because that person was already dead._

_The girl pulls back the hood obscuring the Reaper's face and Howard is confronted by the contorted laughing face of Dixon Bainbridge. _

'_Bainbridge!' _

_The little girl responds with a silent nod._

'_Its how he escaped, disguised as a Reaper. I can't decided whether it's really rather clever or brash and crude, which do you think it is Howard?' Howard's just staring at the face of the man who has always beaten him, always succeeded where he has failed, always triumphed when Howard has just melted under adversity. And now this, now he's killed him but Howard is determined that Bainbridge wont beat him this time, he's going to be happy with Vince they're going to get married, he's going to open his club and Bainbridge is not going to take any of that from him._

'_You've got two weeks to find him. In exchange for saving Vince's life the stakes have been raised, less time for you and if you fail Vince will end up in that special room I told you about earlier.' _

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'_You're feet are cold.' A congested nasally voice had complained._

'_What?' Vince's voice had escaped his body in a high pitched dramatic squawk. His squawk was met with a giggle and then a long drawn out rattling cough, he'd rolled his eyes and jumped out of the bed hunting for his socks in the darkness. It was times like that when he couldn't help but think about Howard well no that was strictly true he never stopped thinking about Howard, all he ever seemed to do was… But if Howard had been there everything would have been different for a start he would have packed everything properly, nothing would be that messy, Howard had always been good a finding things like socks. _

'_I can't find 'em.' The light had flashed on and Vince had quickly located a pair of odd socks. He'd pulled them on quickly and moved to jump back into the bed._

'_Can I have a sweet?' A faint voice had croaked, Vince had rolled his eyes._

'_Oh don't look like that, I looked after you when you were sick.' Clutching the half eaten bag of pick and mix he'd bought early that day, Vince had slipped back under the warm rumpled duvet. As soon as he was back in the bed he'd felt a head nuzzling against his chest, he'd wrapped his arm around her shoulders._

'_You're rubbish at this,' Clem had complained as she'd greedily soaked up the warmth from Vince's body. He'd grinned as he'd glanced down at the top of her head, he'd squeezed her slender form tightly as she'd coughed and spluttered into a snotty tissue balled up in her calmly grasp, it was disgusting. Vince had never had that before anyone smearing their snot accidentally on his t-shirt, he would have run a mile before, but it was good and he'd liked it, it meant he wasn't alone. Clem had been right he had been rubbish at looking after her, he'd always been the one being looked after; being fussed over Howard had always been his nurse, and Howard had never ever gotten ill. Although as he'd been sitting propped up in bed staring into nothingness Vince had started to wonder if Howard had been ill, if he'd just never noticed?_

_It hadn't been long until he'd realised that Clem had fallen asleep. _

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When Vince finally opened his eyes the first face that greeted him was Clem's. She was leaning over him looking pale, drawn and worried. He stared at her wondering why and when her hair had changed colour, when had it been black? Yesterday it had been blonde and now…his head was spinning. He pulled at the oxygen mask which covered his face.

'No Vince, its okay you're in the hospital.' She grips his hand attempting to stop him from panicking. The hospital, Vince tried to think he successfully pushed the mask away, when he opened his mouth to speak the wave of pain suddenly washed over him. His jaw felt like it was broken unhinged and his throat felt as if it had been scraped out with a shared of glass.

'Cle…m…' He croaks out her name, she hovers over him a look of concern and fear in her gaze as she tries to force him to put the mask back on.

'Vince, the Doctor said you should keep this on.'

Vince is only half in the world, the other half of him has floated away, he feels tingly and slow, tired and blank…really, really blank he can't remember anything, not what he's doing there at least. He can't fight her off for long and in the end the mask is clamped back onto his face and he can breath again, he's all light headed. He just stares at her, he feels like he hasn't seen her in a long time but that can't be right because…because. Vince wonders how long he's been like this, if he's been in a coma or something? How did he even get like this?

After that he must have fallen asleep because when he next opens his eyes Leroy is looming over him talking to Clem, he looks worried. It must be serious is Leroy has flown all this way, he wonders if he's dying, he doesn't want to die.

'Le…roy…' When he next tries to speak it's only half as painful as before, his jaw still aches but his throat feels a little less raw.

'Alright mate.' Leroy sits on the edge of the bed with his back to Clem, he's smiling and trying to be upbeat put the paleness of his complexion gives his internal emotions away.

'It'll hurt like a Mother-bitch for about a week,' Leroy muses jabbing his thumb in the direction of Vince's jaw.

'They're sadistic bastards in 'ere.'

Vince feels like he's walked into someone else's conversation, he hears the words but he doesn't understand their meaning. He glances over at Clem whose busy working on a coffee.

'Bollo's on his way, he just sent me a text saying he's looking for grapes in _Tesco's._ By the time he's found 'em you'll be getting discharged, I told him not to bother but he's one stubborn monkey.' Leroy pauses from his babbling his hand ghosting over the fabric of his jacket pocket, there's something in there.

'Can you give us a second, love.' He calls over his shoulder making his decision. Vince watches as Clem silently gets up, he tries to stop her he doesn't want her to go but she's gone before he can.

Vince's fixes Leroy with an angry stare, he's got no right ordering his girlfriend about!

'This is a bit weird, init?' That's an understatement.

Leroy pulls out a clumped looking piece of paper from the pocket he'd been fiddling with earlier.

'You're a wanker.' He addresses the paper never looking at Vince.

'What!' The squeak of his voice causes Vince to almost double up in pain.

'You know what, you are a shit friend! You're always taking stuff from me Vince, you never give anything back! Like them hula hoops I asked you to buy me when you were working at that fucking bloody fucking zoo! I gave you the money and nothing…nothing fucking nothing…you just forgot, you forgot about me!'

Vince wonders why he's lying in a hospital bed being shouted at by his…best friend over a packet of hula hoops he forgot to give him in 2004.

'I didn't…I didn't forget…' He whispers weakly.

'I asked Howard to get 'em and he…' Leroy's mood softens a little at the mention of Howard's name.

'That's right blame Howard, half that stuff you use to tell me he did I don't even believe anymore…I think it was you just lying, you're always lying Vince!'

'I'm not! I did ask Howard I gave him the money and everything, he said he'd 'invested it', I think he bought a _Dime Bar _with it. I'm sorry I just forgot to tell you, if you want some more I can buy you…'

'I don't want a packet of fucking hula hoops, I want…' Vince doesn't have to be a mind reader to know what Leroy wants.

'I'm sorry.'

Leroy turns the piece of paper over and over again between his fingers, he's silent.

'This, this was all I got, this piece of shit!' He waves the scrap of paper about in front of Vince's face making him flinch, he's never ever seen Leroy like this before.

'You're my best friend Vince, MY BEST FRIEND!' Leroy's hands thump hard against his own chest.

'I know, I know you're mine too.' Usually when Vince says that he always feels like his lying, but something is different this time. Leroy shakes his head.

'Na Vince, you just expect mean to clean up all this shit for you. You must know how much a funeral costs; you didn't even leave me any bloody money you just expect me to pay for everything. I ain't loaded like Howard's weirdo slag of a sister, I couldn't afford to stuff your worthless mangy corpse in a shoebox, let alone one of them mahogany jobbies. But you don't fucking care I bet you never even gave it a second fucking thought, fuck it!'

'Leroy…'

Leroy opens his mouth to turn on Vince again but before he gets the chance to utter another word Bollo appears, looming large in the doorway.

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'What wrong with Precious Vince?' Bollo questioned anxiously. It had become apparent to everyone that there was something not quite right with their friend.

'I spoke to one of the Doctors,' Sue informed the three other 'people' crowded around the small sticky hospital coffee shop table.

'…Vince has had a massive emotional trauma, he's sort of made himself forget everything.' She continued.

'So he's got amnesia or something, but he can't have cus he knows all of us.' Leroy glanced pointedly in Clem's direction.

'It's more like he's developed a selective memory; he's made himself forget about everything that's happened since he came back from Australia. He doesn't know he lives with us, he still thinks he's going out with you, and he doesn't know Howard's dead. He still thinks he's in Australia. The Doctors don't think he can cope.'

'What are we going to do?'

'Nothing.' Sue exclaimed simply.

'We just try to act as normal as possible, don't lead him on it's only a temporary condition as soon as he's back at home he'll start to remember. But we can't mention Howard being dead, the Doctor I spoke to said it might tip him over the edge, that Vince might end up catatonic.'

Neither Leroy, Bollo or Clem had the faintest idea of what catatonic meant but they nodded along regardless, acknowledging that it did in fact sound quite serious.


	7. Broken heart

Against her better judgement Clem ends up going back to Vince's flat. He didn't want her to leave him, he'd grip was vice like on her hand, she didn't want to leave him not like that not when he had needed her so much.

Leroy, and the ape called Bollo had taken Vince straight into his bedroom, she found herself following them. Seeing Vince's bedroom was strange, it invoked mixed feelings within her. For a start there was just so much stuff that they'd bought together, that they had collected, there was a couple photographs of her as well. It was strange, it made her feel guilty, because she hadn't kept anything that reminder her of their time together it had been to…

Clem sat on the edge of the bed watching Vince as he slept, her insides knotting and twisting knowing that this was all too much, that she was in too deep.

'I like you're hair, I've always had a soft spot of brunettes.' Vince croaked, breaking the desperate silence that had fallen over the room. Subconsciously, she ruffled her hand through her short, dark locks. He flashed her that grin of his, and she found herself reluctantly returning the smile.

'The roots are a right bugger.' She complained with a chuckle.

'Tell me about it.'

Vince reached out for her hand, at first Clem avoided his touch, but it was long until she'd found herself lying on her stomach, on top of the covers of Vince's bed, her head angled, they grinned at each other.

'We're not together anymore are we?' He whispers weakly.

She shook her head weakly.

'It's my fault isn't it?'

The knot in Clem's stomach strained, her heart fluttered and she felt at any second she'd burst into tears, she hadn't cried, not really cried in years, not since her brother had stolen her bike when she'd been ten and scratched the then brand new paint work, she'd cried then, and given him a good kicking.

'You know I care about you,' There was the rub, if Vince had said he still loved her Clem probably would have melted right there and then, fuck the amnesias, and the dead boyfriend, they could start from scratch or where they'd left off. And this time she wouldn't be living in the shadow of Howard Moon. But Vince had never said he'd loved her, ever, and it was wrong it was all so wrong, and sick.

'You big Galah!' She shoved him in his chest playfully with a smile that never reached her eyes.

Vince Noir makes her a terrible person.

'Will you stay the night, I don't wanna be on my own.'

_No!_ Her insides scream.

'You're not on your own Vince, you're mates are here.'

'I don't want them, I want you. Please,' He touched her in the way he always did, running one hand over her back, trying to get as much contact as he possibly could.

'Please Clem.' She could never say no to him, nothing had changed, she gave in and she hated herself even more.

'Alright, but know funny business.' She giggles softly, as Vince wrapped his arms tightly around her, it wasn't long until she was watching him sleep again.

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_Vince dreamt._

_It was strange. When he was with Clem he always dreamt of Howard. The times they'd shared, all the things Vince imagined that they'd do together as a 'couple' in the future. But this night his dreams were filled with Clem, and Australia, and death._

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When Mabel opened her eyes again Howard was staring down at her.

'You're back.' She exclaimed hoarsely.

'Where, where did you go?' She quizzed as she pulled herself up into a sitting position. She'd fallen asleep on the sofa.

'I…' Howard couldn't remember. He blanched, the fear taking over.

'Bainbridge killed me!' He gasped, as if he was verbally vomiting.

'He actually killed me!' Howard wanted to cry. She reached out to touch him, her fingers glancing off the icy whisper of his spectral form. Was he fading? He'd appeared so much brighter, and clear last night. The edges of his shirt, and hair were now fainter whispers. She kept the observation to herself.

'Howard, that doesn't make any sense. Bainbridge is dead. I've got all his money.'

It's not suppose to make sense, it just is, Howard mused silently to himself. It just is.

'He actually did it. I always knew he hated me…'

'It's not just you, Howard. He hates us both.' She cut him off. Retracting her hand she let it rest limply against her stomach.

'This isn't fair!' She cried, Howard knew exactly how she felt.

'You and Vince aren't meant to get married! You're meant to be my unpaid babysitters until Kitten's at least eighteen!' Howard couldn't help but chuckle. It was an empty bitter, echo of a laugh. It broke her heart.

'I found a dress,'

'What?' His forehead knotted together in tight confusion.

'A dress to wear to your wedding! It's peach, and it's got this petal detailing on one shoulder,' Her hands ran over the creased material of her right shoulder.

'Vince is gonna pitch a fit when he sees it.' She grinned getting lost in the image of Vince's petulant visage.

'Hang on one moment, Sir. A dress, you found a dress? But I only just decided that I was,'

'Oh come off it Howard, this has been on the cards since Vince came back! Bollo's even got a bet on, the pots up to about 100 euros now, everyone reckons that Vince will ask you.' Howard took a moment to digest the information.

'Vince?'

'Not me though, I know you've got it in you Howard.' She winked at him playfully. They were all right; he should have done it before. He'd just never thought of it, but everyone else had obviously. He wondered if Vince had been expecting it, if he'd been waiting for Howard to ask him to marry him for all those months. He shook his head. Vince had never waited to be asked to do anything. If that had been the case he'd already have asked Howard himself. Vince is an expert at taking the initiative.

'Well, thank you for that vote of confidence.' The smile that had migrated across his face quickly faded. They both remembered.

'You're sure it was Bainbridge?' She quizzed, her left eyebrow quirking upwards.

'It defiantly him, he did this to me.' Howard started to pace across the narrow living room backwards and forwards, wearing an invisible grove in the carpet. After a moment she spoke.

'He's been here,'

Howard stilled.

'…I wasn't sure before. Saboo doesn't know. I couldn't sleep about a month ago, I came down in the middle of the night,' Howard's gaze was locked onto the shag-pile rug, which sat in the middle of the room. He listened silently.

'…I was in the kitchen having a fag, and I…' She swallowed hard.

'…I thought I saw him standing at the bottom of the garden.' Howard couldn't help it, but his mind wandered as he thought about what he'd been doing with Vince a month before. That he had been living his life completely unaware.

'That's not just it Howard. Things have been moving. Not here in the house. But when I went round to Vince's for a coffee, I put my cup down and the next thing it was gone. We couldn't find it anywhere. And that morning, the day you…' She can't bring herself to say it.

'…I'm sure someone followed me into the shop. It must have been Bainbridge!'

Howard's heart sinks in his chest. He's been such an idiot. Bainbridge has obviously been planning this for…well, since he died. Dixon Bainbridge is no fool, he will have thought his way around almost every forcible permutation. Howard hasn't got a hope of matching that!

'We have to tell Vince, and the others!'

Howard shakes his head pitifully.

'They can't see me. The only person who can see me is you, and…' _Kitten_, he keeps that last piece of information to himself.

'…they are not going to believe you.' They both no why noone is going to believe her.

'We have to do something Howard! We can't just sit here! And we are not gonna let Bainbridge win! I'm going round to see Vince.' Howard opens his mouth, but closes it again. There's something about Vince, something that's happened to him, but Howard's forgotten.

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'_That'll be 265 Euros, love.' _The taxi driver snorts. The smell of sweat, and stale tobacco fill the small enclosed space.

'It smells.' Kitten complains.

She drags out what looks like the right amount of money and throws it on the driver's lap, before hoisting Kitten up into her arms and making as dash for it. It's not that she doesn't have the right money, it's just habit, that's what she's always done with cabs.

'You're getting heavy.' She lets Kitten slip safely onto the pavement, they're standing on Vince's road. Kitten glances at his Uncles, whose busy hovering next to his Mother. But remembers what he must not tell. He cheekily winks at Howard, thinking that this is one of the best games they've ever played.

'Are we going to see Vince, Mummy?' Kitten asks, slipping his chubby hand tightly within his Mother's grasp.

'Do you want to come up?' Howard thought about it for a few moments. He knew this was a bad idea. He could just feel it, it felt all wrong.

But he went along with it anyway. It wasn't long until the three of them were outside Vince's front door. She knocked nervously.

It took a while, but the door finally opened, Leroy appearing behind it. His face fell.

'What do you want?'

'I wanna see Vince. Is he in?' She motioned to walk forward, but Leroy slipped his arm across the frame blocking her entry.

'He's ill.'

'This won't take five minutes. It's important, just let me in.' Leroy's gaze shifted from her to Kitten, and back again.

'He's not well enough for any of your hysterics.' He warned, his resolve ebbing away.

While the conversation at the door was going on Howard slipped by Leroy and into the flat. He suddenly felt chilled. This was where he died. He avoided the kitchen and went straight into Vince's bedroom.

The sight that greeted him broke what was left of Howard's ailing heart.


	8. Hard times

Vince was lying on his bed, buried deep under the covers. At some point during the night Clem had gotten cold, and ended up snuggled against him. She felt warm and comfortable wrapped in Vince's arms, his familiar smell invading her consciousness. Clem hadn't pinned away without him. She'd gotten use to it eventually. She dyed her hair about a million times, went to parties, and kissed a lot of boys. But noone had ever made her feel like Vince.

She hoped someone would though.

They'd slept together. But they hadn't had sex. Vince was in no condition mentally or physically. And it would have all been too weird for Clem. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind, truthfully.

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What was left of Howard life, his world, collapsed around his ears at the sight of Vince. It hadn't taking him long, Howard acknowledge ruefully. Painfully.

Was he that easy to forget? To replace? Howard was barely cold in his grave. He wasn't even in his grave! And there Vince was in bed with some trendy dolly bird. The image of the pair of them burnt into Howard's memory. He wanted to cry. Really, really cry. The pain in his chest, the lump in his throat, everything felt unbearable. The room was spinning. Her face filled Howard's mind. It was an oddly familiar face. One of the dog eared photographs above Vince's bed caught Howard's eye. It was sandwiched between two pictures of him and Vince. And old one from Vince's very first day at the zoo. He was smiling, and trying not to tremble with a newt in his cupped hands. And a more recent one taken in a photo booth. Vince had his arms wrapped tightly around Howard's neck, he was kissing the side of his head, dramatically.

The middle photography was of a tanned Vince, and a girl with curly blonde hair standing on a beach. It was her. Her hair was dark now. Black just like Vince's.

Howard wasn't sure what was worse. The idea that Vince had pulled some random. Or the idea that she wasn't random at all.

Was she his girlfriend?

Had she been there all the time? Hovering on the edges of their happiness?

Was she the reason Vince hadn't wanted to move in with him? So that he had somewhere to meet her? Were Leroy and Sue in on this? Naboo and Bollo?

Howard hardened. Vince would learn. He would just stop. What was the point in struggling, fighting against fate? Howard might as well go to hell. He felt like he was there already. He would take Vince with him.

But he couldn't…

Howard couldn't let Vince die. Not even after this. He still loved him. He would always love him. But that didn't stop him from hating him.

Howard stumbled backwards through the hard fabric of the closed bedroom door. His ears were ringing, pounding. But through the haze he could hear his sister's voice. She was still talking to Leroy.

Time didn't seem to matter anymore.

'_He's not well enough for any of your hysterics.'_ Leroy warned her.

'_I'm not hysterical. I just need to see him.' _

'Don't.' Howard whispered softly, surprised that his mouth could still work.

'What?' She glanced up at him confused. The expression on her face blanched.

'Don't bother. Vince is…busy.'

'But Howard!'

Leroy's expression changed as his eye line flicked between her, and the empty space over his shoulder she was talking to.

'No.' His voice sounded harsh.

'Go away! You're not doing this!' Before she knew what was happening the door was slammed in her face.

'Leroy! Leroy!' She hammered blindly against the wood.

'Stop it. Just please.' Howard gasped.

'But…'

He nodded in Kitten's direction. The little boy stood behind them, his small eyes wide with fear and confusion. She smiled weakly, moving forward wrapping her arms tightly around her son.

'Mummy, what's going on? Why are you shouting at Leroy?'

'I'm not shouting, darling.' She reassured, giving him a tight squeeze.

'Me and Leroy are just playing a game.'

'Oh I see,' Kitten flashed a grin at Howard.

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'Who was that?' Sue questioned, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand as she wandered out of the bedroom she shared with Leroy.

He didn't answer her. Not at first. His back was turned away, and he was just staring at their battered front door.

'Leroy?' Her fingers ruffled through her straight bleached locks.

'You know that bitch has always been an attention seeker.' Sue had never seen him like that before. Since Howard died, Leroy was always angry. It went against his nature. Leroy Blanche was a sweet idiot. Who worked at the local ice-rink selling slush puppies to gorillas, and who occasionally took photographs from his Dad's ski lodge, for the Government. He liked blonde girls with nice arses. And his most taxing decision most days was finding an outfit that didn't clash with Vince's. He wasn't angry.

'She drank bleach on the day of our school prom because she couldn't go. Only it wasn't bleach, it was just pretend…but she ruined everything. Howard didn't go cus of it. And Vince weren't happy cus Howard wasn't there. Everything is shit cus of her.'

Sue didn't know what to say. She just reached out one long slender arm. Leroy didn't wait to be asked twice, he bounded slumping forward burying his head in the crook of her neck.

'It will get better.' She soothed, running patterns across his back with her fingers.

'It's not meant to be like this, Sooze. It's all too much. This is really real. Like proper grown-up life and death, and shit and stuff.' Leroy breathed, the words catching in his throat.

'_I don't like it.' _

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The moment that Vince opened his eyes, Howard's name escaped his lips. He could feel him. Howard. It felt like he was watching him, the way he use to watch him back at the zoo when Vince would stumble in from clubbing. Off his face on drink and drugs. Howard always made him feel comfortable. He'd lay a blanket over him, and watch him sleep.

The face that greeted him along with the blazing sunshine however, wasn't Howard's it was Clem's. Vince smiled weakly, as rested his hand against her smooth cheek. The sound of shouting floats through his bedroom door. He can pick out Leroy's voice, and a girl. She sounds shrill, and American. It's probably, some girl who Leroy's kicked out of his bed. It's not the first time they haven't been able to take NO for an answer. Vince has never been able to understand why. If it was him, he'd expect a suicide. But Leroy is just, well he's just Leroy.

The shouts die down. And suddenly Clem's gaze meets his own. They blink at each other silently. He'd thought she was asleep.

'You survived then.' She grins.

'Course. Like I told you before I'm Vince Noir, Cockney Ragamuffin from the streets.'

They both end up laughing.

'As if. I bet I've got more Cockney in me than you have in your little finger!' She gives the smallest finger on his left hand a playful tug.

'Oi!' Vince cries in mock indignation.

'I'm from SOUth London, and I'm gonna jab you up!' Vince drawled. Before Clem had a chance to react he had pounced on her, tickling and jabbing at her ribs.

'Awww Vince, get off me you big poof!' She bucked against him, doubling up with giggles.

'No Vince…don't!' Clem hiccupped desperately.

Vince paused suddenly. The room span. His chest hurt.

'Vince, Vince! Are you alright?' She asked cautiously. Vince's face paled. He looked like death.

'I don't feel,' He frowned weakly, as she guided him back into the pillows on his side of the bed.

'I think I'm gonna have a little sleepie.' Vince exhaled shakily, his eyelids drooping shut.

'I'll get us some breakfast.' Clem hovered over him, planting a warm kiss against his clammy forehead. She hadn't even thought about what she was doing until she'd done it. Her stomach suddenly jimmyflipped.

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'_Howard, please tell me what's wrong. What's going on? Is it Vince? Is something wrong with him? Howard?' The taxi driver glanced spuriously into his rear view mirror. Casting one beady eye of the woman, and little boy who sat in the back. She was a nice bit of crumpet he supposed, well she would have been if she'd filled out a bit more. He didn't like skinny women. She had to be one of the skinniest he'd ever seen. At first he thought she could have been a model. On closer inspection she wasn't tall enough, and not really that pretty. _

_Howard. That was a strange name for the little boy. He didn't look much like a Howard. Old fashioned names, that's what was popular now. His niece had called her son Stanley. And only the other day he'd had some grumpy Northern bearded berk, in the back, with a set of precocious twins called Walter and Arthur. _

'_Howard, please talk to me!' The taxi driver watched her silently as she bowed her head limply against her chest, strands of chestnut hair falling across her face as she started to cry. Howard, the little boy cuddled into her tightly._

'_Don't, cry Mummy.' _

_The taxi draws to a halt outside a tatty looking second hard shop. The windows look like they need a good clean. He wonders how such a shop keeps going? It's neighbours are both closed down and boarded up. The whole street is ailing. But not that one little shop. _

_Drugs. The taxi driver reckons. Dalston is full of drugs. And a shop like that, selling old bits of tat nobody else wants has got to be a front for some sort of shady operation. _

_He doesn't think to long about it though. The next thing he knows a hundred Euro note is flying towards his face. He reaches in his pocket to pull out her change, but the skinny woman, along with the little boy has disappeared into the shop. A bell rings. And the taxi driver pulls away. A fifty Euro profit burning a hole in his pocket. _

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The bell rings, and it sends a shockwave through Howard.

The shop is usually in an untidy mess, especially since Vince took soul charge of the management. But someone has turned the place over. Everything is broken and in disarray. Kitten makes a move to run up the stairs, but she catches him by the hood of his jacket.

'No sweetheart, you stay down here.'

'Keep an eye on him.' Howard nods.

Cautiously she makes her way up the stairs to the flat. Inching over the debris, which is no mean feat in shoes with heels as high as her's.

The flat is in the same state as the shop. The sofa has been turned upside down. The television smashed. The doors of Howard's and her old room both hang of their hinges.

'Naboo! Bollo!' She calls out nervously. In the chaos she finds a frying pan to wheeled as some sort of weapon. It's heavy, she can barely lift it. She clutches the metal object tightly against her heaving chest.

There's a rustle and then a flash of black, before she has the chance to swing she screams lashing out with the frying pan. She makes contact with something. Everything is black because her eyes a squeezed tightly shut. There's a thud. She hears the sound of Kitten's tiny feet hurtling up the stairs.

'Bollo.' She makes out the sound of Howard's voice, and opens her eyes frowning down at the ape groaning at her feet.

'Oh Bollo, I'm so sorry I didn't see you I thought…' She babbles kneeling down next to the concussed ape.

'My monkey head.' Bollo groans, rubbing the back of his bruised coat.

'Who did this, Sir?' Howard questions, but Bollo doesn't answer him.

'Where's Naboo?'

Bollo took a long drag from his inhaler.

'Naboo gone. Order of Shaman came. Did this to flat.' The ape gasped, pulling a piece of paper from his fur he pushed it under her nose.

'They've arrested Naboo, and…' Her heart felt like it had stopped beating. Her eyes glazed over as she read the other name, and the charges.

'…_Saboo_,'

'Oh Mabel.' Howard frowned, wanting to touch her. To reassure her. This was all his fault.

'They've taken the board of Shaman in for questioning.'

'Why?'

She let the piece of paper fall down against her lap.

'It's because of you.' She whispered softly. She looked as if she was about to burst into tears any moment. Heavy tears rimmed her eyes, but stubbornly refused to fall.

'I have to go. I have to go to him.' Her jaw clenched, as she fought hard to regain control over her fevered emotions. Howard was overcome with pride. She was so brave, much braver than him.

'Bollo come to.' Bollo volunteered without hesitation, bringing a smile to the corner of Howard's mouth.

'No Bollo, you stay with Kitten. Take him home.' Bollo nodded, his chest puffing out a little as he smiled at the little boy.

'Bollo keep Kitten safe. We make rock cakes.' She hugged the ape tightly, sniffling as she buried her face in his course hair. Recovering herself, she got up from her knees. Thinking.

'Did they find Naboo's secret stash?' Bollo shook his head, feeling dizzy.

'What about the emergency rug?' Again it was the same reply.

'What are you thinking about doing?' Howard quizzed his determined looking sister.

'We're gonna break them out.'


	9. Just talking

**Thank you Lu for my lovely reviews: D**

**Ooooh that so was a tiny poem lol…**

**This bit is a bit boring, just talking really…lol…**

'Bollo.' She snatched the moment to address the ape, as they searched through what was left of Naboo's secret potion stash.

'This good for exploding.' The ape informed, directing his comment to a small pink sparkly vile, which had been fashioned into the shape of a star.

'It's pretty.' She grinned.

'Bollo,' She continued again, seizing the opportunity to ask the question Howard wouldn't answer. Howard was hovering despondently in the living room watching over Kitten, while the little boy watched cartoons.

'…is everything alright with Vince? I mean I know he's…' She struggled to find the right word. _Upset _sounded so trivial.

'Precious Vince try to kill himself.'

She hadn't heard him properly. Vince would never kill himself, not even over Howard. He wasn't the type, he was too…brave.

'I don't understand.' The words felt like lead in her mouth.

'Precious Vince take overdose.'

'But he's, he's alright isn't he? He's not dead is he, Bollo?'

Sombrely Bollo shook his head. The breath she didn't know she'd been holding onto suddenly escaped her throat in a rush of hot relief.

'Vince precious flower almost die. Doctor says very sick. Doctor says Precious Vince not remember.'

'About the overdose?'

The great ape shook his head again, as he continued to riffle through the pots and bottles.

'Precious Vince not remember coming back from Australia. Not know Harold dead.'

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Howard felt sick.

It was only partly due to his mortal fear of flying. Which considering he'd already died in a pretty horrendous manner, and that he now only consisted as a vague outline, even he found his continuing terror irrational.

Mostly Howard felt sick because of Vince. He couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't stop replaying the image of Vince with that girl. She'd been lying on Howard's side of the bed. When he thought about…

He wanted to die all over again. He wanted to hurt Vince. He just wanted to know _why_?

Why, why, why? Why did Vince had to spoil everything again?

They'd both been so happy, or at least that's what Howard had thought.

God, he really was an idiot! Naboo, Bollo, Mrs Gideon, Bainbridge, they'd all been right, all along, he was a fool.

'Howard.' The sound of her voice cut through his misery.

'You know this is hopeless, don't you.' He exhaled softly.

'Oh yep,' She answered back enthusiastically.

She's not like Vince. Vince would run head long into a situation like this not understanding the danger or immensity of what he was doing. He wouldn't think twice. But she has, she's thought about this and she still doesn't care.

'I don't want you risking your life just for me.' The guilt overwhelms him. His stomach churns. Is that even possible?

'I'm not.' She replies simply, wounding Howard deeply. She sees it the hurt burning deep in his gaze.

'You're my brother, and you know how I feel about you. But I wouldn't be doing this, I wouldn't risk leaving my son an orphan, or my husband a widow if it was just for you. I'm sorry.' She ends the sentence sadly. But it's right, it's how she's meant to feel. It still hurts a bit though.

'You know me and,' The sentence dies in his throat. _Me and Vince would always look after Kitten, if anything ever happened to you and Saboo._

It's not true anymore.

'I know.' Howard watches her silently for a few moments her dark hair rippling in the wind as the carpet they're on speeds across a cloudless azure sky. They left London along time ago. Howard's not even sure they're in England anymore.

'Vince will be alright, Howard.' The silence shatters again. On the inside Howard winces.

'I'm sure he will.' He spat harshly, unable to control his emotions. He can't stand to even hear Vince's name.

'What did you see, in Vince's flat? You disappeared, what…'

Why should he lie to protect Vince? Why shouldn't everyone hate him as much as Howard does?

'He was with...' Howard can't breathe.

'…he had some dolly bird…' _He had some dolly bird in our bed!_

The rage boils impotently up inside him. He wants to scream, and finally suddenly he does.

'VINCE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!'

'He didn't.' His ears prick up at the sound of her whisper.

'I know what I saw!'

'I know what you think you saw, but you didn't see what you think you've seen.' That doesn't make any sense. She shook her head trying to arrange her thoughts in a clearer light. Howard's mouth falls open to counter her argument, but she quickly cuts him off.

'I talked to Bollo he told me everything.' She sounds so distraught.

'Howard, Vince tried to kill himself last night. He's really ill.' It all floods back to him the sight of Vince dying on the floor of some anonymous night club toilet. How could he have forgotten something like that? But Vince isn't dead! He's not dead!

'The girl you saw in Vince's bed, she was his girlfriend.' The voice in Howard's head suddenly mocks him. _There, you see she __is __Vince's girlfriend. _All the positives suddenly become negatives.

'Bollo said it was all over before Vince came back from Australia. He didn't know she was even in the country!' Vince never told him he'd had a girlfriend. Howard still knew practically nothing about what had happed to Vince in the time they had been apart. Although to be honest he hadn't been forthcoming about his relationship with Jack either. Vince had never known anything about Jack until, he'd arrived at the shop one day. He can still see the expression on Vince's face. The look of shock written across Vince's features when Bollo had let slip, who Jack was and what he had meant to Howard. And now he knew how Vince had felt.

'It was just a lucky coincidence that she found him when she did. She saved Vince's life.'

Howard knows it wasn't luck.

It's not just his life hanging in the balance. It's Vince's, his sister's, Naboo's, Saboo's!

'Can this thing go any faster, Sir?'


	10. He's not meant to live, Bollo

It was dark.

The sun seemed to have set hours ago. The only light emanated from the moon, which shone high, and impassive above them.

The rug stuttered, and then staled, and then fell out of the sky. Sending Howard and his sister careering across the forest floor. Howard didn't feel the impact.

After the noise, the quietness descended.

Howard opened his eyes, and found himself staring up at that moon again. He turned his head his small eyes fixing on the shadowy outline lying next to him.

'Mabel.' He whispered inching closer to her. She looked so small. To him she's always looked small. He can still remember the first time he held her, as if it was only yesterday. Howard had been almost six when his parents had brought her back from the hospital. Of course he'd been bright enough to know his Mother was having a baby, but the fact hadn't phased him. He'd never even considered having anything other than a baby brother, so it had been somewhat of a shock when he'd been confronted by the cooing pink bundle.

'_You've brought the wrong one home, Sir.'_ He'd announced. _'That's not a boy!'_

His Father had smiled, one of his rare truly happy smiles, and informed Howard that THEY had in fact brought the right baby home. That she was a little girl, and her name was Mabel Minnie Daisy Moon.

At some point he'd ended up holding her, and all he could think was how tiny she was, how delicate and precious. How much trouble he would have been in if anything ever happened to her.

'Mabel.' Howard called out again, his voice suddenly hitching in his throat at the sight of the dark gash across her forehead. He leaned in close, as close as he could to her. Relief flooded through him at the sight of her chest as it bobbed up and down. At least she was breathing.

'Come on, you have to wake up.' A flicker crossed her features.

'Wake up, Sir!'

The life of the forest suddenly burst back into life. There was a new sound a rustling, getting closer, something was coming.

'Mabel!' His voice was desperate.

'Wake up now!'

The rustling grew louder, becoming more like heavy footsteps trudging across dead leaves.

At the best of times Howard found it had to think in a situation like this, his first instinct…well only instinct was to run away. But running away was going to do him absolutely no good. Without thinking he reached out forgetting the state of his body. His hand sunk deep inside her chest, he expected it to go all the way through her and out the other side into the soil beneath. But it didn't, his hand just hung there half imbedded. He could feel her. He felt her heart beating; it rushed through his ears pounding away. Howard could feel the places she'd sprained her ankle, and broken her rib. And there was something else. He pulled his hand away suddenly.

'Oh God, what have I done?' He buried his face in his hands.

They're had been another heart beat.

Why did he have to be so selfish?

People died every day, who weren't supposed to, what made him any different?

Why did it have to be her? Out of everyone, why did she have to be the only other person who could see him?

It was all just some joke. Right?

The rustling suddenly grew so loud that it was almost on top of them. Running out of ideas Howard did the only thing he could think of, and suddenly dove inside his sister comatose form. He tried not to think about how weird it felt. He never liked women at the best of times and this…

Taking control over her body he quickly gathered up the potion bottles, which had fallen but not smashed. Tucking them into the lining of her jacket pocket, Howard slipped back out of her.

After that everything just went black.

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_Howard wasn't sure if he was dreaming. Did the dead still dream?_

_Or was it a memory? He was starting to forget._

_He dreamt/remembered/thought about Vince. Howard saw them sitting at the bottom of the garden, in a tatty pair of deck chairs. The garden at the back of the Nabootique was surprisingly large, but unsurprisingly wild. _

_Vince was grinning away, clad in a pair of ridiculously large sunglasses. He was slurping at a brightly coloured cocktail, and wiggling his bare feet in the paddling pool he'd forced Howard to blow up, while he'd sat back in his chair flipping through Dazed and Confused._

'_I love you, you know small eyes.' Vince grinned, casually glancing over the top of the pages of his magazine. _

Howard's eyes fluttered open. He felt distant, dazed, and confused. The world above him span. His ears rang with the sound of talking. Familiar voices two men, and one women. He sat up suddenly.

'Howard!' He heard her voice. She was sitting on the floor, Naboo and Saboo were hovering over her.

'Howard!' She called out for him again. Saboo glanced over his shoulder, he gazed straight at Howard, and then turned back to face his wife.

'No one is there.'

Howard's heart sank in his chest.

'I thought I lost you. When I woke up you were gone.' She ignored Naboo, and Saboo, she was talking to him.

Howard paused glancing around frowning at the bars of the cage they were locked up in.

'Why, didn't you tell me you were having another baby?' She jumped at the accusation.

'What difference does that make?'

'What…Mabel, you can't go gallivanting about on flying carpets in your delicate condition.' Shakily Howard got to his feet, attempting to dust down the front of his rumbled clothes out of habit.

'I'm not a flower Howard! I'm not the first…' Her voice died in her throat, her small eyes darted nervously in Saboo's direction. He was looking at her as if she was insane.

'He doesn't know does he?' Howard had always been able to read her mind. Silently she shook her head.

'They think you've gone wrong.'

She shrugged. She doesn't care.

Howard can hear the sound of Naboo lisping something. The gash on her forehead is angry and bleeding.

Howard watches as Naboo starts to pace around the bars.

'I'm sorry,' She grips at the dark fabric of Saboo's sleeve. He opens his mouth to correct her, but she cuts him off.

'It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have tried to punish you for what happened to Howard, you couldn't have done anything…'

Saboo leaned forward silently pressing his palms against the side of her head.

_The next thing she knew she was standing in a hospital corridor, listening to the sound of strange people talking French. _

_Saboo was there. _

_Naboo was there too. _

_Howard was lying motionless in a hospital bed. She could see herself slummed fast asleep in a nearby plastic chair. She could still remember how hard that chair had been on her neck, and back. _

'_Harold dying.' Bollo hovered just behind her in the doorway of the room._

'_We know that you ballbag!' Naboo lisped harshly._

'_Naboo get Vince…'_

'_It's too late for that.' _

_The monitor at the side of Howard's bed began to bleep and flicker out of control. _

_Howard was dying. _

'_He's not meant to live, Bollo. None of them are.' _


	11. Catching knives in the toilet

**Thank you to Lu and Hayley for my previous great reviews: D**

**Everyone else who read but doesn't review WHY? Lol…give it a go even if you hate it, it's just nice to know what you think.**

**Also my dates might be a bit out. Kitten is meant to be four but he was born in 2007. That's because this is a little bit in the future, and also the Boosh doesn't have a time line, so just go with it lol…**

'_I wanted to tell you.' The voice behind her, made her jump. She turned her head frowning at Saboo. Her small eyes flicked between both the images of her one husband. _

'_I don't understand?'_

'_This is some really ugly shit.' Against herself, she couldn't help but smile. It was only a small one, but the corners of her lips were still upturned. He stood next to her, and the pair gazed over at the action taking place in the room. She wasn't listening. She was watching, but she couldn't hear anything. _

'_This isn't what happened?'_

'_It's what should have happened.' Saboo conceded. She watched as the monitors Howard was attached to blinked, and flashed. A nurse came hurtling in, running straight through her, and Saboo. She felt sick._

_Another one appeared, and then another. She saw herself waking up. None of this had happened._

_And then Howard was dead for the second time. First time?_

_It was all over so quickly._

_And then she felt the grief all over again, it was paralysing. It washed over her, and she remembered how it had been when the Doctor had told her Howard was dead. She can't forget the expression on Vince's face. He'd looked so small, so lost. He'd been like a mirror reflecting externally everything she'd been feeling internally. _

'_You saved Howard?' Slowly she regained the power over her tongue, which had felt limp and leaden in her mouth. Saboo avoided any point of eye contact, his eyes darted around the room that didn't exist. _

'_Saboo?'_

_He cracked like a softly boiled egg._

'_I didn't do it for Howard. This goes against everything I believe in. I've broken all the rules, and I didn't do it for him.'_

_There was more to this. Her stomach began to churn. She reached out resting her fingers against the side of her husband's face. _

'_Don't.' Saboo caught her hand, pulling it away._

'_Don't make me do this.' He croaked, his eyes falling downwards never making a move back up from the floor._

'_Do what?'_

'_This.'_

_The next thing she knew she was standing outside. She could feel the breeze of her face. A dark scene was presented before her. A cemetery with row upon row of faded head stones. A grey imposing sky, threatening rain at any moment. The closer she got the more she saw. She could pick out familiar forms. Naboo, Bollo, Saboo, the board of Shaman, all clad in black. Tony Harrison had even made an effort wearing a black top hat and tie. _

_She wasn't a genius, but even she knew that this would have been Howard's funeral if he'd died in France. _

_But where was she? She couldn't see herself._

'_Where am I?' Saboo didn't respond. _

_Why wasn't she there?_

_The ominous feeling began to multiply, turning quickly into dread. _

_She pushed through the pitiful group standing at the graves side._

_Frost obscured the name on the plain marble headstone. She whipped at it, her fingers turning numb with the cold contact. She traced the letters of Howard's name._

_**Here lies the bodies of**_

_**Howard TJ Moon**_

_**19??-2007**_

_**Beloved Brother, Uncle and Friend**_

_There was more. She continued to rub away at the rest of the frost obscured letters._

_**Mabel Minnie Daisy Moon**_

_**1981-2007**_

_**Beloved Wife and Mother**_

_**And**_

_**Kitten Howard Moon**_

_**Born and Died 2007**_

'_I couldn't let you die, either of you. That's why Howard had to live.' She stood unblinking at the sight of her own name. At Kitten's name._

'_This,' She sobbed._

'_This, was what was meant to happen?' She felt confused. How could anything be so cruel? _

_She felt Saboo's hand on her shoulder. _

'_How? How did it happen? Why?' The anguish tore through her, mixing with anger. Why did she have to die? Why Kitten, he was just a little boy? He was her little boy. Why Howard? Why did their lives, their futures meant so little that they could just be extinguished all at once?_

_Saboo knelt down next to her, resting his head against the fabric of her narrow shoulders._

'_It doesn't matter.' His breath was warm against her ear._

'_Tell me.' She sobbed, her head falling limply against her chest. Saboo tightened his grip on her bony upper arms._

'_Kitten is born,' He almost can't bring himself to say it._

'…_he's too little, you're in shock. He's so small, he's not ready to be born. They do everything they can. I do everything I can…but he…he…' She shakes her head. Saboo is flooded with relief. _

'_After that you just give up. You die of a broken heart.' His voice catches in his throat, and before he can stop himself he's crying. _

'_No.' She exclaimed suddenly twisting awkwardly wrapping her arms around his neck._

'_You did,' She gasped, stuttering between laboured breathes._

'…_you did the right thing.' She clutched at him tightly. _

'_I broke the code. I made Naboo help me.'_

_Slowly her tears stopped._

'_I don't care. Do you care?' Saboo didn't have to think about it long._

'_No, not really.' They both smiled weakly._

'_Not really?' She questioned with a raised eyebrow._

'_Well sometimes I do, like when your brother goes off on one of his lectures, and I have to pretend to be interested. And the Jazz, that really is the worst sort of thing,'_

'_Hang on I like Jazz! You said you liked me singing Jazz? You told me you liked Jazz!' Saboo shifted awkwardly on the damp grass._

'_Okay firstly, I really wanted to shag you. Secondly in my defence, you have a beautiful voice, even when you're engaged in the odious act of singing jazz. And thirdly I never once said I liked Jazz.' The atmosphere lifted. She leaned forward and planted a damp affectionate kiss on Saboo's lips._

'_You know none of this make sense.' Saboo informed, when they parted._

'_Yep.'_

'_No, I don't mean that.' He motioned towards the gave._

'_I mean Howard dying now. You see Howard can't die, because Naboo and I bound his life to yours. So for anything to happen to him, it has to happen to you as well.' _

_Is that why she can see Howard?_

'_He's not dead,' She blurted out. It sounded out loud just as insane as it had in her head. She saw the look in Saboo's eyes._

'…_I mean he is,' She quickly backtracked._

'…_but he isn't. Not in the traditional sense. I can see him. But it's only me. He came with me on the carpet, he's in the cage with us. He said it was Bainbridge who killed him.' _

_She finished with a sharp intake of breath, and watched the expressions that crossed her husband's features. Doubt, confusion and then something she hadn't seen before._

'_Do you believe me?' _

_She could tell he wasn't sure._

'_I would have felt something. Naboo would have…'_

'_It's only me! I'm the only one that can see Howard. Saboo he doesn't have long left, he's starting to fade away. You have to believe me!' _

They were back in the cage, which the sounds of the forest at night. Howard and Naboo were both staring at them.

'We have to think of someway of getting out of here.' Saboo skipped over her plea. Howard thought for a moment, and then suddenly remembered.

'Naboo's secret stash! I hid the bottles that hadn't smashed in the lining of your jacket.' Her fingers quickly dove in, finding the four remaining unbroken bottles.

'You clever girl!' Saboo kissed her excitedly, carefully taking the positions out of her grasp.

'It wasn't me. It was Howard. Howard put the bottles in my pocket.'

'The star of Andromeda!' Saboo whispered almost reverentially, as he fingered the small pink glowing bottle she'd been attracted to earlier.

'Did Bollo give you this?' Naboo quizzed moodily.

'Yes, but Howard,'

'He's a ballbag.' The tiny Shaman grumbled.

'Thanks Naboo.' Howard muttered despondently under his breath.

'I'm getting that upgrade.' Naboo continued. Howard perked up a little bit when he realised it was Bollo, and not him that had incurred the Shaman's wrath. His heart sank however moments later, when he considered the thought that he'd never be on the receiving end of Naboo's moods again.

Despondently Howard watched as Saboo moved his sister out of the way. He lifted her up and carried her to the relative safety of the opposite corner of the small enclosed cage.

Naboo gave the star shaped bottle a quick shake, and then through it against the bars. He ran as fast as his tiny Shaman legs would take him joining them in the corner.

The collective breath was held.

And then a bright flash of light. The explosion powered through the side of the cage, tearing through the bars. Even Howard's ears were ringing.

Through the smoke Naboo, Saboo, and his sister darted through the newly made hole.

'Come on Howard!' She called out to him, her voice louder than she'd obviously expected it to be. Howard swallowed hard and followed them, floating behind as fast as he could.

The four of them darted through the dark overgrown forest as fast as they could. In the distance the sound of shouts could be heard.

Naboo whistled for his carpet. Through the darkness, a rustling 'whoosh' rang out. The carpet sprang out from the tree line diving low, stopping at the feet of it's master.

'Hurry up ball bags.' Naboo's voice rose briefly to something approaching emotion, as he quickly jumped on the rug. He was joined by Saboo, and the pair pulled Mabel on board.

Nothing.

'Why aren't we moving?' She questioned.

Naboo frowned at the state of his stationary carpet.

'It's just a back up, it only flies two.'

'The three of us put together can't way as much as that ape of yours, Naboo.'

Confronted by the situation, Naboo calmly considered all his options and then announced.

'I'm getting off.' He moved to slip off the carpet, but she caught by the sleeve of his robe before he could. They both stared for a few moments at the flash of turquoise fabric in her hands.

'You can't. They'll kill you.'

Naboo shook his head sagely.

'I've still got to have a trial.'

Not for the first time in his life Howard felt pathetic and impotent. In the back of his mind he wonders if he could be as brave as Naboo. He seriously doubts it. The bravest he's ever been was in that cave with Old Gregg, and even then he couldn't let the creepy Merman die. He'd had to save him, and in the process, well…He'd never really been brave. What would Vince do? It was hard to tell. Although knowing Vince he would have probably found a way of winning over their captors.

Howard was most surprised by the fact that Saboo didn't try to stop Naboo from hoping off the rug. He didn't even look at Naboo as he did so.

She started to cry. The loss of weight floated the carpet up from the floor.

'Naboo,' She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Naboo was just a dimly outlined shadow.

'I believe you.' Saboo admitted finally.


	12. Just like heaven

**Thanks once again 2 Lu and Hayley for their lovely reviews: D**

**This has got to be the most boring chapter ever lol…**

**Anyway enjoy…**

'_Howard!' _

Vince wakes with a shriek. His heart pounding, forehead drenched in sweat his gaze wildly darts around the unfamiliar bedroom. On the pillow next to him sits a folded piece of paper. At some point Clem had left. He glances at the contents. Her mobile number, her name and a shy looking **X.**

He falls back against the dampness of his pillow. Glancing up at the ceiling above him, he blinks at the face of _Mick Jagger _staring back at him. Vince has always put posters on his bedroom ceiling. Howard has always hated it. Howard always makes such a fuss about _Jagger's _mush looming down over him. He always complains about waking up, and _Jagger _being the first thing greeting his shrimp-like gaze. What Howard doesn't know is Vince is planning more, when they move in together the entire ceiling of their bedroom is going to be covered in pictures of _Iggy Pop_. He can't wait to see the expression on Howard's face when he sees it. Vince smiles at the thought of it, Howard's gonna flip. His smile soon fades however, as he realises he doesn't have the slightest idea what he's been thinking about. All that stuff that was so clear a second ago, is now just blank again.

He feels strange like he wants to cry. Vince hardly ever cries Howard's the crier, he always manages to blub over something.

Something is wrong with him. Vince pushes himself up onto his elbows surveying the bedroom. It's his space, there's no denying that. From the clothes bursting out of the wardrobe, to the clothes littering the floor, to the clothes covering almost every available space, everything is chaotic, cluttered, and mostly created from fabric. He catches sight of himself in the oversized mirror hanging on the opposite wall. For the briefest of moments it's like he's looking at a stranger. He runs his finger through his hair. It's different. The ends are softer, feather cut and layered. The colour has remained black, but somewhere along the way he's added red flashes. When had he done that?

He his face looks grey, and he's eyes are red rimmed and puffy.

Shakily he crawls out of the warmth of his bed. He shivers in the icy chill of the bedroom. Vince only ever puts the heating on when Howard is sleeping over, he likes it to be toasty and warm for Howard. Vince doesn't want him worrying either that he can't afford to heat his own home.

_Where is this coming from?_

He feels light headed when he finally stands up. His stomach growls, he can't remember the last time he ate something. He runs his hand across his t-shirt clad outline, every single rib ripples under his finger tips. Generally that's something that should have made him immensely pleased, but it doesn't.

Vince slowly hobbles out of his bedroom. The door slowly creeks open in front of him, and the first thing that greets his bloodshot gaze is the sight of Leroy sat on the sofa, his leg folded up underneath him, a joint hanging out of his mouth, as his thumbs frantically move across his _Playstation _controller.

Leroy glances up quickly, his face blanches at the sight of Vince.

'Vince…mate…' He stutters pulling the joint out of his mouth, he pauses the game, and Vince is suddenly next to him on the sofa.

Vince stares blankly at the brightly coloured figures frozen on the screen.

'I'm scared.' Vince croaks weakly. Leroy's mind suddenly goes blank. He doesn't know what to do, or what to say. In the end, Leroy just says nothing.

'I feel like there's so much,' Vince exclaimed quickly, before burying his face in his hands. He didn't cry though, Leroy was thankful for that. He couldn't have stood the sight of his best friend in tears again. It wasn't Vince.

Vince rubbed furiously at his dry eyes, before finally speaking again.

'Clem left me her number.'

Leroy took a long drawn out drag from his joint.

'You wanna call her?'

Mutely Vince nodded.

'She seems like a good girl.' Leroy mused, relived by the subject change.

'Nice tits.' He winked forgetting briefly. A smile spread in one corner of Vince's mouth. After that they both grinned at each other. Leroy passed Vince what was left of his joint. He took a shaky inhale.

'Do you ever see Howard, now?' It was a simple question. One that Leroy hoped he wouldn't have to answer before Sue came home.

What should he do? Should he say yes? Say No?

'You know it's alright. You can mention the old Jazzy freak in front of me.'

An image suddenly flashes through Leroy's mind, a memory. It comprises of him, and Vince sitting on the sofa, Sue on the floor with her legs crossed, and Howard taking up the remaining space in a nearby chair. It doesn't sound very Gentlemen like, but Sue always prefers to sit on the floor. Him, Vince and Sue are playing on the _Playstation_, while Howard has his head buried in a copy of Jazz Fanciers Monthly, trying in the most obvious way possible to display the fact that his face was on the cover. Vince delighted in torturing Howard for being pompous the way he always did. What Howard hadn't know however was that despite his allergies Vince had carried a copy of that edition of the magazine everywhere he went thrusting it in the faces of the Shoreditch glitterati every opportunity he got, exclaiming _'That's my boyfriend!'_.

'Howard was your mate too.' Vince continued, causing Leroy to shift awkwardly between the sofa cushions, he cleared his throat.

'Vince, mate.' Leroy was saved by the sound of a key scraping across the latch on the front door. Sue burst through the front door carrying a steaming carrier bag.

'I'll plate up.' Leroy announced without hesitation, relieving his harassed looking girlfriend of her load.

'I popped by the Indian. I thought Vince deserved a treat.' Sue grinned, a weak smile slipped over the grand Prince of Camden's features, it never reached his insides he felt like a child being talked around.

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Howard's beady eyes never strayed from Naboo's familiar outline. He was so focused on the Tiny Shaman that he hardly noticed the shudder that tore through the carpet. The second shudder however, he did notice. He glanced up just in time to see another flying carpet dash across the horizon, swooping towards them.

'It's a trap!' Saboo stated the audience, as a flash of light snaked towards them. The second carpet, which dwarfed their own considerably, chased them across the sky. The two angry looking Shaman riding on the back, sending thunder bolts in their general direction.

Once again Howard felt helpless, watching as his sister leaned over the edge of the carpet tearing off a heavy branch from the top of the canopy of trees beneath them. The second carpet now appeared suddenly next to them.

'Surrender or you will be destroyed!' One of the Shaman's barked.

'Never!' Mabel shrieked back as she attacked at the Shaman's seated on the carpet, swinging the branch in their direction.

Howard was desperate to help. Shakily he stands up next to her.

'What can I do?' Howard quizzed breathlessly.

'I dunno, Howard. Haunt them.'

A concept suddenly formed in Howard's mind. He jumped fearlessly from their carpet, to the adjacent one. Putting all his effort, all that was left of the physical being that had once been Howard Moon into his finger tips, he pushed off one of the Shaman's tall pointed wizard-like hats. Triumph floods through him as he watched the fabric hat tumbles gracefully back down to earth.

'Good one, Howard!' Howard turned flashing his sister a wide, proud grin, forgetting the exact context of the situation. It was brought back to him however a moment later, when he watched in frozen horror as he saw Mabel overbalance, and fall into the path of one of Saboo's spells. The flash hit her squarely in the chest. She seemed to fold into herself as she collapsed.

'Mabel!' Howard leapt across the gap between the carpets, falling onto his knees next to his sister. _Not again. Not again. Please, don't do this to me again!_

Howard wasn't sure what Saboo had done, but the second flying carpet was no longer chasing them.

'If you've hurt her.' Howard warned him hollowly.

'Why did you have to get in the way?' Saboo asked her motionless body.

'Get in the way? You're the one who can't shoot straight!' Howard glanced over his shoulder, and nodded in agreement with his sister who was standing behind him. The double take was almost cartoon-like.

'You…' He pointed at her motionless body.

'You!' He pointed at her.

'You're not dead are you?'

She shook her head, folding her bony arms across her chest.

'I hope not. It was just a transference spell I think.' She peered down at herself critically.

'Do I really have that many lines?'

'Focus.' Howard ordered her, taking her by the arm tugging her down next to him. It was the first time he'd really touched anything since he'd died. He couldn't help but smile.

'You're cold.' Her fingers slipped underneath his.

'What exactly does a transference spell do, Sir.'

'It transfers.' She giggled raising one eyebrow. She rolled her small brown eyes and continued.

'It means I'm here and there. But I can't got back there,' She addressed her body.

'…for at least another twenty-four hours. Last time he did this I was floating about for a whole day.' Howard jumped as she suddenly took a surprising intake of breath.

'This could work out for us.' Her faux American accent became more pronounced as she spoke. Howard tried to speak, but she cut him off.

'This isn't the first time I've said this, but I never thought I'd say this to you.' A frown fell across her brow.

'Use my body Howard.'

'What?' Howard stuttered.

'Use me. I can't get back in, but you can. One of us should at least make use of me. Use me Howard.'


	13. Our faces split the coast in half

**Thanks to Hayley, Thursday and Brie for the lovely reviews: D**

**I will reply to each separately I promise: D**

**Not much more left: D **

The first time Howard had been inside his sister had been strange enough. Even thinking of it like that…Everything just felt so wrong. Surely somewhere this constituted incest.

Before had just been a taster. Now he was immersed in her, Howard felt like he was being lost. She clutched at his hand tightly as they traversed the corridors of her mind.

He had never thought about what it was like in her head. Now that he was confronted by it, it seemed so deep and dark and ominous. He just wanted to do what needed to be done, and then leave as quickly as possible.

It wasn't like this inside his own head, everything was methodical and ordered. Ordered to the point, where from the outside it could easily appear that he was mental. And it was nothing like Vince's empty coconut husk of a brain. Whoever had designed the layout of his sister's brain obviously had, had no formal training. Most of the corridors appeared to have been fashioned from angles, and seemed to vary dramatically size.

There were doors as well. Howard had compartments inside his brain, which were assigned for specific things. For instance there was a large devoted to jazz, and in contrast a small section comprising of colours/fashion/celebrity. The subject most constantly on Howard's mind, the thing that filled up over half his boxes was Vince.

Like Howard's boxes all the doors inside her head were surprisingly well categorised. He stopped briefly at the one marked _Happiness, _a collage of faces covered the door all smiling. Him and Her. Her and Saboo. Kitten with him and Vince. Bollo and Naboo. Him and Vince. There were nearly as many pictures of him and Vince together as there were of her, Saboo and Kitten. So him and Vince being together makes her happy.

The space that was gloomy already was suddenly thrown into complete darkness.

'Sometimes the lights go out.' She informed casually. Seconds later everything was light again.

'Why do I keep hearing _The Cure_?' Howard asked confused, referring to the opening bars of _Just like heaven_, that had been playing over, and over again.

'That's what that is!' She squealed.

'You know, I've had that song in my head for days. I couldn't work out what it was, funny huh?'

'Hilarious.' Howard frowned back.

'Can you please do something about it? I can't hear myself think.'

'That's up to you now Howard.' She exhaled, her voice sounding fainter.

'Wait, I need you! Where are you going? You can't leave me, I need you!' She smiled at the sight of his panic.

'You don't need me Howard. You've never needed me…besides I'll be back later.' She stifled a long drawn out yawn with the back of her hand.

'Where are you going?' The fear was thick in his voice. He didn't like the idea of her drifting off. Where was she drifting off too?

'Just away.' Before he had the chance to react she was gone, the way she was always gone.

'_Ooooh, look after Baby, Howard.' _

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Howard's new eyes fluttered open. He surveyed the world through his new gaze. It wasn't radically that different. He suddenly realised that Saboo was peering down at him. Her heart went funny. It sped up considerably at the sight of the anal, squeaky voiced Shaman. Completely involuntarily, a serious of images involving well…Howard attempted to block it all out.

There was no time for that sort of funny business. There were limits to everything, or so he always believed. The last thing he wanted to know was the why, wherefores and hideously graphic details of his sister's sex life.

'That, wore off fast.'

'Yes' Howard swallowed thickly as he struggled to sit up. Saboo's hands were on him, trying to help him to get up. Howard flinched from his touch.

'Mabel, don't be like that. It was an accident, you know I'd never hurt you.' Saboo's voice sounded softer than Howard had ever heard it before. He sounded hurt to Howard's ears.

'No, of course I know you'd never hurt her, Sir.'

Howard didn't realise his slip of the tongue until it was too late.

'Her…me. Me, I mean me!' He stuttered. 'I know you would never hurt,' Howard's voice died in his throat. He didn't like the way Saboo was staring at him. What should he do? More often than not most of what Howard said went under the radar, even with Vince. He didn't know what to do with someone actually paying attention to him. Howard did the only thing he could think of doing in the situation, however humiliating it was. Howard fainted. Well at least pretended to faint, falling easily into Saboo's strong arms. It was stereotypical, but wasn't it what pregnant women did? Howard was sure he could get away with this. Besides whatever anyone said, he knew what a great actor he was.

With his eyes firmly closed, through choice this time. Howard felt himself being lifted off the carpet, and finally onto firmer ground. He couldn't help but wonder if she was alright. Everything was going so wrong, so fast Howard could barely keep up. He had always had a suspicion that he'd been born under a fated star, but this was just ridiculous.

'Mummy! Daddy!' Howard's ears pricked up at the sound of Kitten's familiar squeal. He recovered himself quickly, the last thing he wanted to do was frighten his nephew.

'Mummy!' The little boy ran towards him, wrapping his pudgy arms tightly around Howard's neck.

'Kit.' Howard clutched the little boy tightly, shedding a multitude of tears on the fabric of Kitten's narrow shoulder.

'Mummy, why are you crying?' Kitten asked, his forehead knotting tightly in confusion.

'I'm not. I'm just,' Everything washed over him. The fact that he could touch his nephew. The stress of being alive and dead at the same time. How much he missed his old life. He knew now how much he'd taken for granted. Her hormones weren't helping either.

'I'm just happy, big man.'

Howard felt Saboo's hand on his collar. Instantly he knew something was wrong.

'Mummy's tired, she needs to have a little rest.' He gripped the flesh of Howard's upper arm, and pulled him along, quickly into the confines of his sister's house. He dragged him up the stairs, his hand tightening like a vice. Something was wrong.

Saboo dropped the pretence as soon as the bedroom door snapped closed behind them.

'What have you done with my wife?' Saboo snarled, pinning Howard against the fabric of the door. Howard gulped nervously.

'What are you talking about, Sir?'

Saboo's hands were suddenly wrapped around Howard's neck, choking the life out of his sister's body.

'You sound just like that doss bag, Howard.'

'No, no…please…' Howard gasped. He desperately attempted to struggle, but her body was just too weak. White hot spot swam in front of his gaze, as he fought to breathe.

'Please don't kkill me,' He managed to stammer. Saboo released the pressure from his thumb just enough, so that Howard could squeak again.

'…I've…she…me…we've got so much too give!' It was the dreaded conformation Saboo had expected.

'I knew you were him! What have you done with her?'

Saboo's vice-like grip enclosed around Howard's slender neck once more. All the oxygen rushed out of Howard's lungs, and he was sure he was just about to die again. His mouth moved with the action of a gulping fish.

'What? Speak up I can't hear you!' Saboo ordered. Her heart pounded in Howard's ears, all the blood was rushing somewhere, he just wasn't sure where. He gulped again. Suddenly Saboo let him go.

The force of the air rushing back into his chest collapsed Howard in on himself, he slumped to the floor on his knees, a coughing, spluttering mess.

'Where is she?'

'I don't know.' Howard answered truthfully, when he finally regained control over her abused vocal cords. Saboo lunged towards him again, causing Howard to shrink back against the bedroom door.

'She's safe though!' He exclaimed, thinking quickly. 'I'd never put her in any danger!' Howard wanted that to be desperately true, but he knew how much he'd always failed her. He'd failed her by not protecting her from Bainbridge, he'd failed her when he'd let Old Gregg kidnap her. He was a terrible brother.

'I knew it.' Saboo uttered to himself as he paced the length of the bedroom, his heels leaving a deep impression in the plush carpet.

'I knew no one could recover from one of my spells so fast, I'm not bloody Harrison!'

'Is that all you really care about? That you're the best Shaman?'

The Shaman halted mid step, he fixed Howard with an accusing stare. She's told him things. Things that Howard didn't even know that she knew, things that Vince, that Naboo, that Bollo had told her. Things about Howard's past, things he's still ashamed of. He can almost read the venom of the Shaman's dark gaze. _'No, that's you!' _

'I'm going to cast you out!' Saboo informed.

'No please don't, you have to help me!' Howard begged pathetically. He couldn't, wouldn't go back to being a ghost again. His begging however seemed to have the opposite effect on Saboo.

'I always gave you the benefit of the doubt, but you really are pathetic.' _Moon_. That was it, the thought snapped quickly into his head.

'Bainbridge!' He called out.

'Bainbridge is back!' Howard continued.

'Why should that concern me exactly?'

'Bainbridge is back. It won't take him long to work out some devious way of becoming flesh and blood again, Sir.' The words flowed quickly from Howard's lips like a dictionary of vomit.

'So?'

The next bit was a lie, a gamble Howard prayed would pay off.

'How can you be sure Mabel is really over him? They were married. How do you know that she won't just change her mind again, and go back to him?'

Saboo seemed to pause.

'Because I know my wife.' The weaver in Saboo's voice told Howard there was doubt.

'Isn't it better to know for sure? To stop it before it has a chance to start? If you help me catch Bainbridge then you'll stop it before it ever starts, if it ever starts. Help me.'

'Your argument is a persuasive one.' The Shaman mused, stroking the whips of a beard which clung to his chin.

Howard sighed in relief; all the effort had exhausted him.

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After that there was nothing for a long time.

Howard drifted into darkness.

'Mummy! Mummy wake up.' The sound of Kitten's voice woke him from his deep sleep. The little boy's face floated into Howard's blurred vision. He yawned and smiled.

'You've been asleep for ages. Daddy said I shouldn't wake you up.'

'It's all right. I think I was just about to wake up anyway Big man.' He reached out his fingers tracing the smooth outline of the side of Kitten's cheek.

'That tickles!' The little boy giggled.

'Oh does it now, Sir.' Howard chuckled, his hand migrating to Kitten's side, tickling him in the ribs.

'Stop it! Stop it!' Kitten pleaded between breathless gasps, and giggles. Howard could clearly remember the last time he'd done this, the memory flashed up in his mind. It had been in the shop, Kitten had been perched on the top of the counter, while Howard had been engaged in the taxing art of tickling him senseless.

Howard stopped. An expression of disappointment fell over Kitten's features.

'You're being funny today Mummy.' Howard watched as Kitten crawled onto the bed next to Howard. He wrapped his arm tightly around Kitten's tiny body, greedily soaking up the warmth of the little boy. He can feel the way she loves her son, it's different it's like nothing Howard's ever felt before.

'Where is your Daddy?'

'In the basement, he's busy he told me not to bother him, either.'

Howard couldn't help but think about Vince, he had to see him. He couldn't wait any longer, he had to see Vince, even if it was for the last time ever. Even if it was just to say goodbye. Howard knew it was selfish, but he had to tell Vince how much he loved him.

'Do you know where your Daddy put his magic carpet?' He whispered softly against the side of Kitten's head. The little boy nodded, puzzled by the question.

'Silly Mummy, he put it in the garage!'

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Howard left Kitten on the sofa under the supervision of Bollo. He made the Ape and the boy promise that they wouldn't let Saboo know that he'd left the house until the very last moment.

Howard knew he didn't have long, he jumped awkwardly off the flying carpet. Hobbling across the street, Howard felt like his feet were being crucified by his sister's too high, too tight shoes.

'How does Vince walk in these things?' He mumbled under his breath. Howard paused outside the steps, which lead to the front of the shabby building Vince inhabited. His chest tightened, as the door swung open and from the light of the communal hall a figure emerged.

For a moment his heart constricted at the thought, the possibility that it was Vince. But it wasn't. It was Sue struggling to take the bins out on her own. She clutched two bulging bin bags in each hand as she teetered down the wet steps.

'Sue.' Howard called out, thankful that if it wasn't Vince at least it hadn't been Leroy. He'd seen how Leroy had treated his sister.

Sue jumped almost half out of her skin at the sound of her name.

'You scared me.' She exhaled clutching at her chest.

'I'm sorry,' Howard exclaimed as he moved into the pool of orange light cast by a street lamp.

'You shouldn't be here.' Sue warned him, as she tossed the bin bags into a large plastic bin. Brushing off her hands, she turned to start back up the steps without even a backwards glance.

'Please!' Howard called out after her.

'Please! I have to see Vince, you have to let me see him.'

Sue paused on the fifth step.

'Leroy said,'

'Yes, I know what Leroy said, but this will only take a moment. I just want to see Vince, I need to know…I have to tell him…'

The fire of hope rekindled inside Howard, as he watched Sue slowly spin around on the worn heels of her trainers to face him.

'Alright, you can come in. But only for a minute, and none of that spooky stuff.'

Howard didn't wait for her to change his mind. He hurtled up the steps behind Sue as quickly as he could.

'No, none you have my word, Sir.'


	14. It's cold on the outside

**Thanks to Brie for a lovely review: D**

What wakes Vince up is the pressure against his hand. The familiar brush of skin against skin.

'Howard?' He mumbles softly, still half asleep.

Vince's eyes slowly drift open, and the first thing he sees is her face.

Alert suddenly, he pulls away from her grasp as if he's been burnt.

'You bitch!' Vince snarls. Her face twists from a smile, to utter confusion.

'Vince.'

'Don't ever speak to me!'

'Vince, please!' There's the hint of desperation in the tone of her voice. She reaches out for him. In shock Vince scuttles up the length of his bed, flush against his wall and crouching on his pillows.

That bitch has ruined his life. She's taken everything. She took Howard away from him. What more does she want?

'How did you, how did you get in here?' He questions her, ruffling his hands through hair. He can't look at her. He won't look at her. Vince's gaze is stubbornly fixed on the twisted fabric of his duvet.

He's thought about all the things he'd do to her if he ever saw her in the flesh again. He's replayed the moment over, and over again in his mind. So many times. But now, when it finally comes to it, Vince finds himself incapable of any sort of action.

'_Little man_, I don't have time for this.' Little man. Vince supposes she's heard that from Howard.

'Don't.' He spits. Vince Noir is dangerous when cornered.

She backs off, and changes her tack.

'Little man, listen I know this must be hard to,' She swallows nervously. 'to understand. But it's me Howard, I've come back. I don't have a lot of time. I just need you to know,' She pauses again her eyes watering slightly.

'I need you to know how much I love you. How much I've missed you. Vince, I will do…I have done anything to come back to you. I promise everything is going to be alright, Little man. Howard Moon is on the case.' She finishes with a grin.

Vince just sits. His brain cell slowly digests what's just been said. Vince can't comprehend what's going on.

Is she joking?

Is this a game her and Howard have come up with, another chance to have a good laugh at him? No, Vince knows Howard would never do that not to anyone, and especially not to him. Even if Howard doesn't love him, he's not cruel.

So, she's just nuts then. Is the final evaluation Vince comes to.

She obviously interprets his silence as something else.

'Oh god Vince, I've missed you so much!' She moved closer to him. Vince froze, her hands were upon him touching the skin of his arm. The way she touched him was so familiar. It was like a tune you know so well, that you can't dislodge from your brain, that lingers on the tip of your tongue.

From the corner of his eye Vince studies her. Her eyes are closed, she looks as if she's savouring his touch.

What sort of sickness is this? Does she want them both or something? Vince has done a lot of things, one of the weirdest being that threesome with Jacque LeCube, and an oblong. But this is just disturbing.

'Get out.' Vince exhaled shakily. She didn't hear him not at first, she just clung to her. His flesh felt like it was burning.

'Get out!' He exploded, throwing her off. He watched as she fell back against his bed in shock.

'Vince!' Her small eyes widened.

_Small eyes. Small brown eyes._

Vince jumps suddenly off his bed, and grabs her. He doesn't hurt her, Vince would never hurt a woman. There's just enough pressure to control her. She wriggles, and pleads as he drags her across the room.

'Little man, no! Please listen to me! I know, I know this is unbelievable, but it's me! Vince, it's me Howard! Please just listen!' She digs her heels in, she's stronger than she looks.

'You have to believe me! I know it's hard, but…'

Vince manages to hold her in place long enough to open his bedroom door.

'Something only you and me would know!' She blurts out, as he pushes her over the threshold of his bedroom.

'…when we were drunk that time, and I asked you to dress up as a footballer, and I was your biggest fan.'

'What are you talking about?'

Vince catches sight of Sue who's nervously milling around the living room.

'Did you let her in?' Vince questions her angrily.

'Vince I…' Sue's eyes dart from Vince to her, and eventually come to rest on the floor.

'She was sitting on my bed!'

'It's not her fault. Sue just wanted to help.' The sound of her voice sends a wave of hatred vaulting down Vince's spine. He can hear her in that shrill voice of hers telling Howard that she loves him over and over again.

'Shut up! Just shut up!'

He can't think. He wants everyone to go away.

Leroy appears, and joins the chaos.

'Leroy! Leroy it's me Howard! It's me!'

Leroy crosses the small space between his bedroom door and Vince's, he grabs her other arm aiding Vince as they drag her the rest of the way out of the flat.

'Vince please!' She begs again, the front door looms in front of them.

'Leroy, Leroy remember when you told Vince you had that date with that girl with pink hair who works behind the counter at _Oddbins_? Only you didn't did you Sir, because I saw you coming out of that pub where they have all those tribute acts. You were dressed up as Benny Andersson.'

'ABBA! Leroy you went as ABBA?' Vince's distaste is clear. His attention span being what it is, he completely forgets about throwing her out.

'It wasn't like that, Vince!' Leroy attempts to explain. He's taken on the sheepish demeanour of someone whose just been caught cheating on their better half.

'I fancied the bird that was Agnetha! And Howard promised he'd never tell anyone!'

'Howard Moon would never betray a confidence lightly, Sir.'

Vince couldn't stand it anymore. He opened the front door and unceremoniously pushed her out of the flat.

'_Vince! I love you!' _

Vince closed his eyes. Resting his head against the rough wood of the door.

'Why did you let her in.' He whispers softly. His breath leaves his body in ragged huffs.

'I'm sorry. She said she just wanted to talk to you. I thought it might do you good to talk about Howard.'

'Why would I want to talk to her about Howard! She's the reason Howard's gone.' Vince misses the look that passes between his flat mates.

'Leroy.' Sue's voice is filled with concern.

Leroy sighs softly. Moving forward he rests the palm of his hand against Vince's back.

'Vince mate come and sit down yeah, there's some stuff we need to talk about.'

'I'll go and check if she's alright.'

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Vince looks different when he's sleeping. The years seem to fall away from him, along with all his well crafted pretensions.

Howard can't help it, he knows it must seem creepy, but he loves to just watch Vince while he's fast asleep.

He positions himself carefully on the corner of Vince's bed, feeling the mattress sag under his weight. It's real and satisfying.

Before Howard can stop himself he's touching Vince, brushing a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. Howard's hand hovers, and eventually comes to rest on Vince's gently curled hand.

Howard's longed for this. Even if it is with someone else's fingers he still relishes the touch of Vince's warm skin.

Vince's breath hitches, and he stirs.

'Howard.' He utters softly.

Howard's heart misses a beat.

Vince's eyes slowly open, and then it happens.

'You bitch!' Howard can't think. He doesn't understand what's happening, and how he's provoked such a response. The younger man throws him off with a disgusted sneer.

'Vince.'

'Don't ever speak to me!'

Howard wasn't sure what reaction he'd been expecting. As usual he hadn't really thought anything through the way he should have. Howard isn't as quick to jump into things as Vince, he tends to over think everything. Well, over think all the wrong things at least.

He doesn't understand this though. Vince's reaction seems to extreme. Howard knows that Vince and his sister are friends. She pays for Vince's Botox, for that reason alone he practically worships her. Vince shouldn't be acting like this. He seems so angry. Howard has never seen him like this before, so distant.

Howard tries his best to reason with him again. Vince just pushes him further away, and ends up looking a pathetic sight huddle against his bedroom wall.

They say that grief does strange things to people. And Vince is strange. But this is wrong.

'_How did you, how did you get in here?'_

Vince's gaze seems to wander and fix on everything else in the small room but Howard. He denies Howard the eye contact he so desperately needs.

Howard can feel his time running out. Time in this body. Saboo's going to be coming, he'll know exactly where Howard has gone. He doesn't have time for this.

'_Little man_, I don't have time for this.' It seems for dismissive than Howard had originally intended. He's so bad at this, talking to other human beings. Even with Vince it can be a struggle. He feels like he never says the right thing, that he's permanently hurting someone's feelings, or has his foot stuck in his mouth.

Vince takes it as badly as Howard thought he would. His one worded reply is filled with scorn and bile. Howard's forgotten how vicious Vince can be, especially when he's cornered. That's exactly how Vince is acting, as if Howard's purposely backed him up against the wall.

Howard takes a deep breath and just tries to explain everything.

'_Little man, listen I know this must be hard to understand. But it's me Howard, I've come back. I don't have a lot of time. I just need you to know_ _much I love you. How much I've missed you. Vince, I will do…I have done anything to come back to you. I promise everything is going to be alright, Little man. Howard Moon is on the case_.'

Everything flows out of Howard's mouth in what feels like a blind parade of words. He doesn't even really understand what he's said himself. For the longest time Vince doesn't speak. He does that rapid eye thing, that lets Howard know Vince is thinking. Attempting to digest everything he's just said. Howard for once interprets the silence as a good sign. More than anything Howard wants Vince's trust. He wants to know that Vince believes that for once Howard can sort something out on his own without monumentally cocking it up.

Howard gazes at Vince, whose still caught up in his own thoughts. Howard's has missed the simple pleasure of just sitting next to the younger man. He inches closer, he can't stop himself. He doesn't want to crowd Vince, but he can't help it. Howard's feelings slip out of his mouth before he has a chance to properly register them. He reaches out brushing the tips of his fingers across Vince's skin. It feels perfect. Howard's been waiting for this moment for so long his heart is aching with the relief.

'_Get out!' _Vince shrieks. The next thing Howard knows is her body flying backward against the bed.

There barely seems to be a pause. Vince is on his feet, and this time it's his hands that are on Howard's borrowed frame. Only it's not a touch Howard's ever felt before. It's vice-like, spiteful and above all angry.

For the first time in his entire life Howard is suddenly afraid of Vince. Afraid of what the younger man might do. He drags Howard roughly across the room, and all Howard can do is beg. Beg for Vince to listen.

_Why won't he listen?_

Vince's bedroom door suddenly appears in front of him. Howard knows if he doesn't do something now, anything he'll lose his chance of letting Vince know what's going on.

Howard struggles to pull something out of the bag. Anything! A memory that only they share. The only problem is Howard's forgetting, he's forgetting so much he's not sure what he remembers, what he's imagined, what he's dreamed. It feels like nothing is real.

And then from the very back of his own mind he catches a glimmer of something. A memory, something that only he and Vince are privy to. It's something truly ridiculous, a drunken request. He asked Vince to dress up for him as a football player. It's so mortifying. Howard did it on a whim after he'd spent the afternoon watching Vince teach Kitten how to play football. Vince had been so different, and Howard hadn't been able to stop his mind from wandering. Alright he couldn't resist Vince's sturdy drummers, and sweaty locks. But it's was, is deeper than that, Howard's never been remotely sporty. The closet he gets to exercise is once a week at his Jazzersize workout. Seeing Vince like that was deeply attractive.

'_What are you talking about?'_

Vince glares at him. He looks at Howard like he hates him. Briefly Vince turns his attention away from Howard and starts shouting at Sue. Any moment she's going to cry. Her lip is wobbling. Howard can't stand to see her like that. Sue was only trying to help him, she doesn't disserve to be attacked.

'_It's not her fault. Sue just wanted to help.'_

Vince turns the full beam of his hatred back on Howard. He can feel Vince trembling with rage. Howard tries desperately to make Vince listen to him. But the more Howard says, the more he pleads, the more he stokes the fire of Vince's vehement dislike.

It's just like being a ghost all over again. No one can hear him raging alone in the dark.

Leroy suddenly appears. And before Howard knows what's happening, before he could react Leroy is grabbing the other side of his body pulling him towards the front door. Howard doesn't have the strength to fight them both. And he remembers the baby. He doesn't know anything about female anatomy, but he imagines this can't be doing the baby any good.

He has to stop this. In desperation Howard calls out to Leroy.

And then in the midst of everything Vince and Leroy start arguing over _ABBA_.

Howard's head is spinning, everything is too much. All the noise all the movement. He' surprised by how use to nothing he's grown.

Together Vince and Leroy unceremoniously throw Howard out of the flat.

'_Vince! I love you!' _


	15. Ice cream for dogs

'Mate, I know you're confused.' Leroy carefully sat down on the sofa next to Vince. He was treating him as if was some sort of terrified stray cat, who would bolt off into traffic at any moment.

'Can't you remember anything?'

Vince doesn't speak, he just stares blankly at the tatty carpet.

'Mate.' Leroy whispers as softly as he can, resting his hand lightly across Vince's hunched shoulders.

'Mate I know, we all know, she's a crazy cow,' He continues studying Vince's reactions intently.

'…but she's still Howard's sister. And, we both know he wouldn't want you treating her like that. It ain't her fault Howard's dead' Leroy can guess what Howard's reaction would be if he'd seen them dragging his sister about like that, he'd have turned them both inside out.

The briefest shadow of emotion floats across Vince's face. His forehead twists into a confused frown.

'What?' He croaks harshly. He doesn't sound like Vince. His voice resembles that of a taxi driver with a sixty-a-day habit.

'Don't get all,' Leroy struggles to think of an appropriate word. '…het up again.'

'No! No! No!' Vince exclaimed suddenly, clutching at the side of his head as if he'd been burnt. Leroy's eyes widened as he watched his best friend rock backwards and forwards on the sofa, a picture of distress and confusion.

'Vince, calm down.' He doesn't know what to do. He hasn't known what to do since Howard died. He's scared that he might have killed Vince. That he's pushed Vince over the edge.

'I'm sorry.' Is all Leroy manages to whisper.

Vince stills.

Silently he climbs off of the sofa, and stumbles towards the direction of his bedroom.

Leroy watches paralysed by uncertainty. He feels like his life as become an episode of _The Bill _or _Holby City. _Gritty, and real with emotions that extend far beyond his limited range.

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Howard runs away.

One moment he's staring at the chipped, peeling exterior of Vince's front door, and the next he's running, hurtling down the corridor as if his life depended on it.

This isn't him, he realises as he races down the stairs. This is her. It's some sort of inbuilt switch that Howard can't control. He can't make her legs stop moving.

And then suddenly he's outside. He manages the first couple of damp steps, but he trips on the third. Somehow he catches himself.

Howard can't stop himself from crying. He feels the weight of all encompassing dome resting on his shoulders.

Howard carefully lowers himself down so that he's sitting on the bottom step. It feels wet under his bum.

He tries to be careful with her body. He doesn't know anything about women. He doesn't have the slightest idea about pregnancy. He's never wanted any of that. Even before Howard realised he was gay, he'd never once imagined himself with a family. His fantasies had revolved around finding an intellectual equal, visiting museums and galleries, listening to Jazz, and having long debates about literature. Vince would call it boring, and he'd be right. It was a mask Howard supposes, a way of attempting to skip over the inevitable no sex part. In truth Howard had never imagine himself being intimate with any woman, ever! The thought still terrifies him a bit.

That list, the jazz literature list, when it comes to Vince Howard has completely thrown it out of the metaphorical window. The only thing they've ever had in common is a propensity to attract trouble.

Howard sobs as he buries his head in his hands.

'_Mabel.' _He jumps at the sound of the voice behind him. Sue appears hovering next to him on the step.

'I'm so sorry,' Howard stares at her profile.

'…I've made such a mess of things. I never meant to drag you into this.'

Sue flashes him a weak smile. Her gaze is filled with understanding and pity.

'It's alright. It doesn't matter.' The tears continue to roll slowly down Howard's cheeks.

'Leroy and Vince, they didn't mean it. Leroy's just overreacting because he's so scared for Vince. He goes at everything like a bull,' Sue's smile spreads into a warm grin at the apparent thought of her boyfriend's funny ways. And then the smile is gone swept suddenly away, Howard know she's thinking about Vince.

'He really loves Howard.'

'_I know.'_ Howard breathed, weakly his eyes dropping to the hands that aren't his own folded on his lap.

'Everyone grieves differently.' He's only half listening; he feels his body turning numb with the cold. At any moment it's going to rain, he can smell it in the air. Howard's never been very astute, but somehow he can always tell when the heavens are about to empty. He's lost count of the time he's told Vince to take a brolly out with him, and the number of times Vince has come home looking like a drowned rat and complaining.

Once back at the zoo…

_The zoo!_

How could have been so blind, so stupid? If he wanted to find Bainbridge, which he did, there would only ever be a handful of places he would go.

_Bainbridge would go back to the zoo._

So feasibly he could be there right now!

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_He's not dead! He's not dead!_

_No…No…No!_

_Howard's not dead! Howard can't die!_

Vince attempted to reassure himself, as he sat in a crumpled heap on his bedroom floor.

_Howard's gone, but he isn't dead…he's not dead._

The feeling of sinking dread overwhelms him.

_Why, can he remember? Something is stopping him from remembering, he can feel it._

Vince glances around the dark enclosed space of his bedroom, and for the first time he really looks. Nothing gets in the way, nothing distracts him. Well hardly anything distracts him.

He sees the photographs, which pickle the wall above his bed.

_Vince and Howard._

_Why hasn't he noticed them before? _

Vince can only recall ever kissing Howard on 'that night'. 'That night', which is burned forever in his memory. He'd thought about kissing Howard dozens of times before then, but that was the only time he'd actually ever physically done it.

Vince had kissed Howard on the roof. They'd slept together, and then Howard had dropped him like a pair of boot cut flares the next morning. That was it!

_But obviously it hadn't been the end of the story. _

The proof that, that was the end of the story were staring back at him. Capsules of time trapped forever on shiny pieces of paper.

Vince brushed his finger over the edges of one of the photos. It was of him and Howard eating ice cream in a park in the summer. The sky was so blue, and the sun was so bright, Vince could almost feel it blasting out across the image.

'_**Howard?'**_

'_**Hummm.'**_

'_**Do you reckon they make ice cream for dogs?'**_

'_**No, I shouldn't think they do, little man.'**_

'_**What not even in LA? I bet Paris Hilton gives them mouse hounds of her's ice cream. I reckon Ben and Jerry's do a special range.'**_

'_**Maybe, in America.' **_

'_**Howard?'**_

'_**Hummm.'**_

'_**I reckon we should make ice cream for dogs. You know like start our own business. I reckon we'd clean up with all them 'my dog is my baby' nut jobs!' **_

'_**Have you gone wrong?'**_

'_**Na, no way listen, we get a tin of dog food, right and we just stick it in an ice cream maker. We can get Bollo, and Leroy to taste test it.' **_

'_**Yea, just a couple of flaws in that brilliant plan, Vince. Firstly Bollo is a Gorilla, and Leroy is a man…'**_

'_**No cus, Bollo will eat anything, and Leroy likes dog food.' **_

'_**What? No, I don't want to know. Anyway, you're missing the most important ingredient. We don't own an ice cream maker.'**_

'_**Howard?'**_

'_**Hummm.'**_

'_**Can we have an ice cream maker?'**_

'Howard!' Everything was flooding back to him now.

Vince had to find him. He ran out of his bedroom, taking Leroy who was still sat on the sofa completely by surprise.

'Vince!' Leroy called after him, as Vince flew out the front door and down the stairs. His heart was hammering in his chest. All he could think about was Howard. She was Howard! He knew she was.

All Vince wanted to do was apologise. He wanted to make Howard know that it didn't matter if he was stuck in his sister's body for the rest of his life, at least he had a life! They had a second chance. That it wouldn't doesn't bother Vince that Howard is a woman now. And Howard's sister's not exactly the most unattractive female on the planet, and Vince had kissed her before.

_Does Howard know that?_

'Howard!' Pushing open the door that lead to his building, Vince clattered into Sue. Reaching out he managed to catch her before she fell backwards down the steps.

'Where,' Vince gasped, his body heaving under the strain. He had never run like that in his entire life, not even when he'd been pursued by angry coconuts out for blood.

'…where is he?' He spluttered.

'Mabel, you just missed her.'

'Which, way did she go?' Vince scans the empty pavement in both directions, desperately searching for any sign of Howard.

'I called her a taxi.'

The desperation began to well up inside of Vince. Why, was everything taking so long?

'Did she go home? Back to Naboo's? Where did she go?'

Sue paused trying to think. Vince swallowed down the urge to shake her.

'She said something about a zoo.'

'The zoo!' He exclaimed, the relief suddenly overtaking him. He grabbed Sue by her narrow shoulders planting an excited and thankful kiss on her lips.

'I need to borrow your bike?'


	16. The end of the world pt1

It's been years since Vince has ridden a bike. There's that saying Howard likes to use _'it's just like riding a bike little man, you never forget',_ well Vince sort of has forgotten. The metal frame rattles dangerously beneath him, and he can't seem to go in a straight line. He swerves dangerously across the road.

Moments later it started to rain. Not a drizzle, not a shower, proper Monsoon rain. The sort of rain he remembers as a child growing up in India.

Within minutes Vince is soaking wet, and shivering. His long mass of hair clung to the side of his face, a soggy limp black mess.

'Fuck this!' Vince exclaimed as he jumped off the bicycle. It clattered to the wet concrete.

He was sure Sue would understand, that she'd forgive him for leaving her only mode of free transport in the middle of an empty road in the centre of London. Besides Vince promised himself he'd buy her a brand new bike.

It didn't matter, nothing mattered. It was just another thing that could be sorted out later.

_Howard!_

Vince broke into a sudden run, his glittery _Chelsea boots _pounding a steady rhythm across the pavement.

The taxi came to a sudden halt.

'That'll be sixty-nine Euros, love.' Howard swallows hard as he glances out of the taxi window into the darkness. The heavy rain beats down against the roof.

He silently pays the driver, not bothering to wait for his change.

Howard shivered, the elements blasting him as soon as he stepped out of the taxi. He should have worn a warmer coat.

He heard the engine spark up behind him, and then he was alone.

Howard felt alone. Vince, his sister, Naboo, Bollo they were all gone, and now it was just him. But, this was what he'd always wanted, wasn't it? To be left alone, without the constant babble or interruption.

The zoo's rusted gates stand before him, he wonders what lies behind them. Is Dixon Bainbridge inside just waiting for him? Howard wonders what states his old home has been left in.

Secured only by a flimsy padlock, Howard reaches out tentatively pushing the gates open.

'_I've been expecting you, Moon.'_

The next thing Howard knows it that he's falling. Falling in complete darkness. Darkness which seems to last forever.

But of course it doesn't. The impact of the ground when it comes is sudden, but not fatal.

With his eyes tightly shut, Howard feels himself bounce, the earth is soft and cushion like underneath his body. When he finally finds the strength to open his eyes, his gaze is filled with flecks of golden glitter, a wide expanse of blue sky, and green grass.

'_The moron awakes.' _His ears fill with the boom of Dixon Bainbridge's impressive baritone.

Howard sees him, for the first time in what feels like a life time. He finally sees the face of his greatest rival, the man who killed him. Death seems not to have really touched Bainbridge, he's perhaps a little greyer and frayed around the edges, but the mustard polo neck, blazer and swagger of confidence are all still firmly fixed in place.

'I must hand it to you, Moon, you've been most entertaining.' Bainbridge's laugh cuts through the silence.

'This ends now, Bainbridge!' Howard cries, the frustration and rage boiling over inside of him. He's always hated Dixon Bainbridge, and now finally Howard T.J Moon will have his day, and his revenge. After this moment noone will ever think of crossing him again. He'll be brave, and finally a real man of action!

Bainbridge's narrow gaze shifts downwards resting on Howard's bawled up fists.

'Do you know what separates us, Moon? What has always separated us? Why I'm a man of action, and you're not even a pitiful excuse for a human being?'

Howard moves forward, but stops suddenly as his eyes widen on the familiar form Bainbridge produces from almost thin air.

His sister. Her hands are tied in front of her body, and she's gagged with a piece of white cloth.

'This.' Bainbridge smirks.

'This Moon, is what we men of action call leverage.'

Howard feels as if her heart is about to burst from her chest at any moment. He desperately tries to think.

'You can't hurt her!' He remembers suddenly that she's an out of body spirit, she can't die at least not in that state.

'And, I always thought he was the one with the brains in your pitiful excuse for a family tree.' Bainbridge dug his elbow against her ribs; Howard felt heat rush through him at the sight of her flinch. Her small brown eyes were crying, crying out to him.

'No, no of course you are right, Moon. I can't harm my beloved ex-wife, but…'

Howard couldn't stop himself jumping back slightly at the glint of the gun Bainbridge produced from his trouser pocket. So, that's what that had been, for a moment Howard had been seriously concerned that,…No! None of that mattered.

'…I can shoot you, you're flesh and blood now. Her flesh and blood to be mater-of-fact about it. If I kill you in her body, you'll both die.' Howard suddenly found himself staring down the barrel of the gun.

'You know, I've had fantasies exactly like this.'

Bainbridge rested his face against the side of her cheek.

'You know my dear, I always knew I'd end up shooting you one day.'

His finger inched across the trigger. And Howard held his breath, their breath.

What happened next however, Dixon Bainbridge man of action just hadn't foreseen. Because Dixon Bainbridge celebrated explore and millionaire had never know two very vital things, he'd never known true friendship or love.

Just as he pulled the trigger, Vince Noir suddenly came tumbling down out of the sky, and straight on top of Howard Moon, knocking him on to the grass, and out of the path of the pesky bullet.

Seizing her opportunity Mabel finally put that one lesson of Wing Chun she'd had along with her brother, elbowing Bainbridge in his ample stomach, and knocking the revolver out of his grasp.

'Howard!'

Howard felt like the last of his life had suddenly been wrung out of his being.

'Howard! Howard! Howard!' His ears pricked up at the sound of Vince's voice.

'Howard! Are you okay? Where are we? Why were you just standing there like a box?' Vince's face loomed suddenly into view. Howard felt the dreamy smile that slipped over her features, as the sight of his Vince.

'I missed you, little man.' Was all Howard could manage at that present moment. He'd planned a long love filled speech for when in his head they'd finally be reunited, but all that had flown out of his mind at the sight of Vince leaning over him.

Howard reached out resting his hand against the younger man's bony cheek.

'So, this is the bit where I kiss you.' Vince grinned leaning further down over Howard, pressing their bodies together. Only it wasn't their bodies, well at least not Howard's. He couldn't kiss Vince in his sister's body, it wouldn't be right.

He ducked his head to one side, Vince planting his lips against Howard's cheek.

As Howard turned his head he caught sight of the small silver bullet, which had rushed over him, continuing on it's trajectory until it hit the horizon line, and tore a small black whole at the exact spot where the sky and earth met.

Howard wasn't the only one who had seen the bullet work its damage. Bainbridge suddenly cried out, his thick voice filled with something close to fear.

'You fool!'

The place that Bainbridge had trapped Howard had been no ordinary cage. It was the point at, which all reality flowed. As the whole got larger, it sent shockwaves through the very core of time and space. Everything that had ever been, everything that would be ever be trembled. The constant loop that was the past, present and future shattered.

Howard knew it was the end of the world.

But it wasn't just the end of our Howard and Vince's world. It was the end of all the millions of different variations, and alternative universes of Howard Moon and Vince Noir. The one where they were still just two 'friends' who worked at the zoo, or in the shop. The one where they were blissfully married, and planning to adopt. The one where they were ruthless criminals. The one where Vince had actually given birth to Howard's three children. The one where Howard was a hit man.

It was the beginning of nothing. And the end of everything.


	17. Minding the slumber of parakeets

**Thanks to Kathrynew30 and BrieStarWarsQueen for lovely reviews over here: D**

**And also 2 Lu and Thursday for lovely reviews on LJ: D**

The once soft ground began to shake, cracking and breaking into pieces.

Before Howard knew what was happening he feels himself plummeting downwards. He desperately scrabbles for some sort of purchase, his fingers digging and clawing across the earth.

Beads of sweat suddenly form across Howard's brow.

He doesn't want the world to end. Dying is one thing, it's inevitable, it will even happen to Vince one day. But for the whole of creation to be blotted out in a single instance, Howard can't face that.

Bellow him Howard suddenly sees the gaping void of black 'nothingness'. He's clinging just above it by the very tips of his fingers.

Howard doesn't want to forget. He wants to go on remembering everything, even the bad things. Howard doesn't want to lose himself.

_Mum and Dad. Childhood. First bike. Mabel. First day of school. First lot of school bullies. Leeds. Jazz. New school. Vince. GCSE's. College. Zoo. Working with Vince. Living with Vince. Naboo. Bollo. Bob Fossil. Mrs Gideon. The ape of death. Mutants. Monkey Hell. Old Gregg. Driving. Leroy. Lester Concrake. Documentaries. Socks. Tweed. Tea. Kitten. Jack. France. Paris. London. Success. Failure. Kissing Vince. Birthdays. Christmases. Stationary Village. Muffin. _

Howard closes his eyes, as he desperately tries to keep hold of everything he is.

His right hand slips first. Howard can't help but worry about Vince. Where is he? Has he fallen in already? Howard just wishes he could see him one last time.

He decides not to open his eyes again, Howard would rather live his last few seconds of existence in blissful ignorance. As his left hand loses its tenuous grip, Howard feels himself continuing on his downwards trajectory.

He waits for the end. But it doesn't come. Howard suddenly stops falling. He feels the hand on his own, and without even needing to look up he knows its Vince. Vince has saved him yet again.

'What took you so long?' He grins up at the flushed face of his saviour.

Vince doesn't reply. His tongue peeps out from the corner of his mouth, his forehead furrowing as he tries to keep hold of Howard in the awkward angle he's caught him at.

'Urgh…Howard…' Vince gasps, the skin between his fingers turning white with the pressure.

'…yyou…you've gotta keep, keep you're sister away from the _Hobnobs _yeah,_…_she weights a flipping ton!_' _He laughs breathlessly.

Howard knows Vince wants him to play, to say something silly to make everything seem less, well just less, but he can't.

'_I love you.' _ He exclaims instead.

'Don't,' Vince whispers back. His face suddenly hardening, he looks so much older, older than Howard has ever seen him.

'Don't say it like that, you make it sound…'

_Final. _

Vince can't bring himself to say that word.

Howard feels himself shift downwards as Vince's feet begin to slide forward.

'H…Howard, I…can't hold onto you. You…pull yourself up on my arm.'

Howard swings his body across; reaching out grabbing one of Vince's straining arms. His legs kick at the empty air beneath him as he tries to pull himself up. He can't do it, her bodies not strong enough.

'I can't!' He cries out in a mixture of frustration and fear.

'HHoward!'

Just when he's about to give up, Howard catches sight of a slab of earth, it's small, just about the size of a house brick. It passes him sucked downwards, just as it swirls past his foot, Howard seizes his opportunity pushing up against it. The added upwards thrust propels Howard's body forward, and he manages to pull himself up to Vince's shoulder blade. He's clinging so tightly to Vince, he doesn't even feel it as the younger man pulls him up the rest of the way.

'You did it!' Vince's arms wrap themselves tightly around Howard's borrowed form. He plants a wet kiss on Howard's forehead.

'Oh yeah, and I love you too, you big pumpkin.' Vince flashes him one of his patented cheeky grins. Emotion suddenly floods Howard, and he feels like whatever terrible thing happens it doesn't matter because he's not alone, he won't ever be alone again, because Vince is with him.

He buries his face in Vince's chest, it's a strange experience being so much shorter and smaller than Vince. The top of Howard's head brushes against his chin. Vince glances down at him, his mouth pursed ready to speak.

'How touching.' Bainbridge's baritone rings out behind Howard's head.

From the corner of his eye Howard catches a glimpse of metal, instantly he knows what it is.

A flash of thoughts rush through Howard's head. _Why? Why is he still trying to kill me? Were all going to die, everyone is going to die. Why can't he just leave us alone?_

He doesn't have the opportunity to react, before he does Vince steps suddenly in front of him taking the impact of the bullet fully against his chest.

Time stands still, and the universe stops ending.

Howard stares at Vince.

And Vince stares blankly down at the bloody hole in his chest.

Calmly Bainbridge aims his revolver again, pointing it squarely at Howard.

'No!' Mabel's scream cuts through the silence. She leaps forward pushing Bainbridge has hard as she can. The extra weight and sudden pressure over balance Bainbridge. His eyes go wide as he teeters over the edge, and then surprisingly mute he falls backwards into oblivion.

'Howard.' Vince frowns, reaching out for Howard as he slips down onto his knees. He feels like he's going to throw up. Howard catches him before he slips any further.

'Howard, Howard it hurts.' Vince breathes through tightly gritted teeth.

'I know, I know.' He longs for the end now. He needs it to be over, he won't watch Vince die.

'I'm here,' Howard soothes, clutching Vince tightly in his arms. He feels the wet patch spread across his knees, and he knows that the bullet has gone all the way through.

'Howard!' Vince cries out again, squeezing at the Jazz Maverick's hand. Mabel skips easily between the spaces coming to rest on the other of Vince. Howard stares up at her desperate for once for some sort of guidance.

'I'm here, I'm here little man. I've got you.' He rocks Vince in his arms, peppering his face with tender soft kisses.

'I'm…I'm sorry.' Vince whispers softly.

'No, no ssush, ssush.' Howard doesn't know what to do, and then suddenly it comes to him.

'Bouncy, bouncy. Oooh such a good time. Bouncy, bouncy.'

'_Shoes all in a line.' _Despite the pain he's obviously in, Vince sluggishly joins in with the Crimp.

Vince tightens his grip on Howard, and the Crimp ends before it ever really gets started. Howard can't stop himself from crying.

'You don't have to be sorry, you never have to be sorry, little man. All this,' _It's all his fault, Vince is only dying because he made the mistake of ever getting involved with him._

'I don't want to die, Howard.' Vince seems so small, and pale. His eyes are so wide, he looks like a child, all Howard wants to do is protect him, but he's failed at that. Just like he failed his sister the first time.

'No, no, no…little man, you're not going to die. I won't let you die.'

A weak laugh escapes Vince's dry chapped lips.

'I love you, greasy spoon.' The silky grin spread across his features slips, and Vince's lively bright gaze suddenly turns distant and glassy.

'Little man, Vince…Vince!' Vince is dead. Howard can feel it, the whole world has spun off its axis, and his heart has broken.

'Oh Howard, I'm so sorry.' She sounds just like his echo.

Howard doesn't want anyone to be sorry. All he wants is Vince. He can't die like this. Howard buries his head in the crook of Vince's neck, blocking out the ending world.

'_I've come to collect, Mr. Moon.' _His heart stops at the sound of the small childlike voice.

'Go away!' Cradling Vince's lifeless body in his arms, he glances up fixing the little girl with a rage filled bloodshot stare.

'_We made a deal Mr. Moon, I hope you haven't forgotten.' _The little girl inches closer, and Howard can see the flashing lights and butterflies on her trainers.

'_I'm down one soul, now that Mr. Bainbridge is gone for good._' She petulantly replies, frowning briefly at Howard's sister. The hairs on the back of his head suddenly stand up on end.

'Leave her alone!' Howard warns, feeling brave, he's got nothing left to lose.

The little girl shrugs her shoulders, and moves casually past Howard's sister.

'_Now I can have you, or your Vince. It really makes no difference to me either way.' _She concludes simply.

'No!'

The little girl's eyebrow twitches.

'_It's been a very long time since anyone said that word to me, Howard Moon.' _ He tenses. The quiver of a smile chases across her lips.

'_I've sort of missed it.' _Her whole face cracks into a warm smile.

'_Very well, I shall leave your Vince alone.' _She holds out one small pink hand. Howard stares down at Vince. He doesn't matter what happens to him anymore, all that matters if that Vince lives.

'Bring him back, back to life.'

She rolls her eyes, and grabs Howard by the collar of his shirt.

'Bring him back!' Her tiny frame is beguiling, she's strong. Howard could almost laugh at the thought that he's engaged in a struggle with such a young child. But there's nothing funny about this.

'_That was never part of our agreement.' _She might be strong, but she'll never be able to make him leave Vince, not while he's still like that.

'FUCK THE DEAL!' He shrieks at the top of his lungs. His sister jumps nervously in surprise.

The girl's smile twists into a smirk.

'_Oh, if only it were that simple.' _She muses loudly to herself.

'_Bringing the dead back to life isn't part of my repertoire, I'm afraid. Well, not in this case, because you don't have anything left to give me do you Howard?' _

Howard knows instantly that's she's tricking him again, the inside of his head is screaming, but he refuses to listen.

'_Anything…I'll give you anything.'_ He means it with all his heart.

Howard wakes up with a sudden snort.

It takes him a few moments to adjust to his surroundings. He's in Vince's room, snuggled up under the warm duvet. Soft, early morning light is streaming through the gaps in the poorly made multicoloured curtains.

His heart stills, as an arm suddenly flops across his chest. He turns his head against the pillow, and sees Vince lying fast asleep next to him. Vince's shallow sleeping breathes are better than the best Jazz. Better than anything.

A rustle in the corner of the bedroom distracts him from the form of his sleeping lover. The petite figure steps forward.

It wasn't a dream.

'What does this mean?' He questions nervously.

'_It means Mr. Moon that everything is back to the way it use to be.'_

'How? Why?'

She makes a clucking noise.

'_Simple human magic. You love your Vince more than,' _She pauses briefly, tapping her stubby finger against her chin.

'…_well anything!' _She concludes frowning at her poor vocabulary.

'I don't understand.'

'_You don't have to, it is what it is. You were prepared to offer up not on your soul, but your heart as well. To enslave yourself to me for eternity, which is a jolly long time. It's devotion that even I can't break.' _

Howard carefully sits up in bed, trying not to wake Vince. He frowns hard trying to digest everything he's just been told.

'What about my soul?'

'_Ah yes, you part with that far too readily I must say. I had a look over your file, it doesn't belong to you, so you couldn't sell it to me, our agreement is void.' _

A dizzy grin appears over Howard's tired, weather battered features.

'Who does it belong to?' He quizzes cautiously remembering a very similar deal he'd once struck with the Spirit of Jazz.

'_Naboo. You and your Vince, should read things before you sign on the dotted line. Naboo's ownership of both your souls is written into your tenancy agreement.' _

That doesn't surprise Howard the way it really should. Of course Naboo owns their souls, that way if anything happened to one of them he would still force them to work in the shop. Maybe though it was something deeper than that, maybe Naboo was protecting them from themselves. Howard had already given his soul away twice, and Vince would very easily part with his for a lifetime's supply of free_ Topshop_ vouchers.

'_Now, I must say goodbye I've got a little business to conclude with an acquaintance of yours.'_ She winks at him cheekily.

'Wait, no! There's so much I have to ask you! What about the world, is it still ending? What about Naboo? My sister, why was she the only one who could see me?' Only now does it hit Howard that he's actually back in his own body again.

'_Well, the world is always ending. Naboo is currently passed out of his sofa in that grotty little flat you call a home. And your sister has excessively high levels of dopamine in her tiny brain, due to the fact that she's stopped taking her medication.' _Because she's pregnant, Howard remembers suddenly. He's going to be an Uncle again, he's not sure why people say that, he's never stopped being an Uncle to Kitten. And Vince will get the chance to do everything from scratch, they can do it together like a proper family. Oh god, that sounds grown up, and serious. When did they start living a life that involved any other children but them?

'Kit he saw me too, does that mean, is he like her?' He can barely bring himself to finish the sentence. It's something they've both always been afraid of, that their crap genes would eventually end up ruining Kitten's life.

'_It's hard to say. He might take after his Mother, but then again he is only a child. Didn't you ever see something strange when you were a child?' _He's still seeing them.

He opens his mouth to say something else, but before he has the chance the little girl is gone. Howard stares at the empty space.

'Fucking hell Howard, I ain't never drinking again.' Vince croaks from beside him, blinking up through his messy fringe. Howard doesn't respond he just savours the moment for all it's worth.

'My head is banging! What happened to that promise I made you make, the one where you promised never to let me drink again? What happened to that?' Howard shuffles down the bed, and rolls on his side. They're so close the tips of their noses brush against each other.

'And don't look at me like that, it's well creepy.' Vince complains again.

Howard plants a kiss on his lips, and Vince's face twists suddenly in disgust.

'Urgh, morning breath!'


	18. Good job for you I wasn't born a killer

**Thanks to Thursday for having a look at this and telling me, which bits are rubbish lol…**

**Also thanks 2 Hayley: D Brie, and Kathrynew30 for their lovely reviews: D**

**This isn't the end…there is now one chapter left…eek this is getting so long and boring lol…soz everybody lol…**

**One Month Later **

**(March)**

Howard glances around nervously. His whole body feels suddenly flushed and prickly. He pulls at the collar of his shirt.

It's been a month since he died, it's a bizarre and sobering thought. In that time nothing has really changed, he's still living with above the shop, and Vince is still sharing with Leroy and Sue. They still haven't managed to save any money, and Howard hasn't had any time for flat hunting.

But despite everything, Howard has never felt happier, finally he feels like he's on the cusp of something truly fantastic.

And tonight going to just get better.

He glances out of the restaurant window, watching as numerous shadowy figures hurry past desperate to escape the wintery downpour.

Howard's face lights up as he spots Vince amongst the anonymous throng. He stands out instantly, glad in a pair of spray on silver skinny jeans, a t-shirt with a spray on tuxedo motif, and what he calls his 'cosmic' velvet jacket. The rain doesn't even touch him, he looks perfect as ever, as always.

Vince quickly dashes through the restaurant doors, and Howard stands up waving.

'Alright.' He grins, somewhat breathlessly, kissing Howard without hesitation.

'Sorry I'm late, a seagull got stuck in my hair.' Its Vince's elaborate way of saying the tube was delayed.

Howard pauses, watching as Vince pulls out the chair opposite his own. His legs have stopped working, he feels like he's going to vomit. This is happening, really happening.

Vince slips out of his jacket, and reaches for the menu.

'You ain't ordered yet, have you?' He quizzes, glancing over the top of the menu.

Howard swallows thickly, shaking his head mutely.

'Good, cus this might take a while, I'm flippin starving. Naboo had me doing the stock take all afternoon, he wouldn't even let me have a break for lunch!'

Howard's more than certain that, that's illegal, but in the same breathe he also remembers Naboo's ownership over their souls, which is most definitely contrary to employee rights.

'Howard?' Howard sits down abruptly, banging his knees on the underside of the table.

'Jesus, how many of them have you had?' Vince smirks, nodding in the direction of Howard's half full pint glass.

'Not enough.' Howard mutters under his breath.

'What you having? I like the sound of that Pakora, thing. You having a starter?'

Howard feels himself blanch, and Vince's face sudden turns from a grin to serious concern. His hand slips over Howard's, stroking the rough skin over his knuckles.

'You don't look well, Howard. If you're not feeling up to this we can just go home.'

It's an easy and tempting way out. But he just can't, he's waiting long enough to do this, Howard Moon won't back down now.

'No I'm perfectly fine, Sir.' He smiles weakly, resting his hand over the top of Vince's giving it a reassuring squeeze. Reluctantly Howard realises his grip on Vince, and takes a long sip from his pint glass, finishing off the contents in almost a single gulp. The alcohol does nothing to settle his nerves

'It's well nice here, Howard.' Vince muses glancing around at the restaurants' exotic interior, which is made up of a mirrored wall, clashing black floor boards, tangerine floral wallpaper, and a gold leaf ceiling. Of course he's been dropping massive hints about booking a table since he read an article about it in _Cheekbone. _But he hadn't ever really held out much hope, it was the last place Vince would ever expect Howard to willingly step inside.

A fifteen year old waiter with a ridiculous gravity defying quiff appears at their table. Howard feels instantly awkward at the sight of the 'teenager', and the ice bucket he is clutching in his hands. Howard feels suddenly incredibly old, and very cheesy.

The thought strikes him that he can't propose here, not like this. Not in front of a room full of trendy Camden types, who are all around the right ages to be his offspring.

He watches as Vince spots the bottle of Champagne. The younger man's grin grows wider, his wide eyes flicking to Howard's face. Underneath Vince's excited smile, there's something else, a deeper more meaningful look.

Howard tenses as the ice bucket is placed next to his elbow, he feels like his heart is inside his mouth. Vince starts to speak, he makes a strangled squeaking noise, but before he has the chance to vocalize any further, there's a sudden bagging on the window.

Howard's not sure if he's ever been happier to see the group of hangers-on Vince calls his 'friends'. He even manages a smile and a wave.

Vince however is sitting in complete contrast to Howard. His features are fixed and stony, and he looks almost disappointed.

One of the brightly coloured girls mimes for Vince to 'call her on the weekend', and then the ridiculous, androgynous gang disperse as quickly as they appeared as if on queue.

The bottle of Champagne pops, and their glasses are filled. Howard keeps quiet studying the menu.

'Are you ready to order, little man?'

The night hadn't gone the way either of them planned or expected. Howard couldn't summon up the courage to propose after such a fluttering start, and Vince didn't push him.

But despite that once everything had settled down, they'd had an amazing night. They made the most of the Champagne, gorged themselves on food until the buttons and zips of their trousers almost burst, and they laughed.

Laughing is not an uncommon occurrence, they are one of those couples that laugh, especially at each other.

And tonight they've both been on top form. Howard recounted in glorious detail the jealous argument that had taken place at five o'clock that morning, between Naboo and Bollo regarding Bollo's 'lady friend'. The very argument Vince had snored obliviously through, while Howard had hovered at the key whole of his bedroom door 'not listening'.

'_I don't snore!' _

Vince had come back with a story about the 'flick' fight he'd had with a twelve year old girl over a _Neurotica _tee in _Topshop_. Of course, Vince proclaimed himself the winner, but the distinct lack of any shopping bags signalled to Howard the true outcome of the battle.

So now their standing outside the front door of Vince's flat. Vince is busily engaged in trying to fit his key into the lock through his haze of drunken double vision, while Howard is chuckling away to himself for absolutely no reason, his arms wrapped tightly around Vince's waist.

They're not half as drunk as they were. What turned out to be a _long_ walk home has sobered them both up somewhat. Howard doesn't think they'll ever be allowed in that restaurant again, right this minute their names are probably being added to a 'lifetime ban' list.

The key twists in the lock and the pair stagger into the flat. Vince is slightly taken aback by the sight of Leroy ensconced on the sofa playing on his _Playstation_.

'Alright?' He casts Howard and Vince a cursory glance over his shoulder, before turning back to the television screen.

'What are you doing here?' Vince questions, his voice more than slurred.

'I live here.' Leroy exclaims, pausing the game briefly to dig his fingers into a bag of _Haribo Starmix_. Vince's eyes narrow as he watches his friend shovelling sweets into his mouth.

'Where's Sue? I thought you two were going out?'

Watching the exchange between Vince and Leroy, Howard quickly makes his escape to the toilet.

'She got called into work, some bloody pile up. I dunno how she does it, mate.' They both let their imaginations run wild at the thought of a night out being ruined by work. Like Vince, Leroy is also afflicted by a terrible allergy. The allergy in question is not the dreaded Jazz, but instead gainful employment. He's never been able to hold down one job for more than a month at a time, his CV is currently longer than an average sized Blue Whale.

Vince rests against the back of the sofa, Leroy angles his head grinning up at him.

'So, did he ask you then? What does it look like?' Vince's eyes shift downwards and he stares at his ring less digit. He feels empty inside. How can something you only hoped for, something that only ever existed on the inside of your own head make you feel so…so…the opposite of good.

'Is it really small and cheap? Does it clash?' Leroy's voice brings Vince reluctantly back into reality, he hears the toilet flush.

'It didn't happen.' He muses through gritted teeth, slipping out of his jacket. Leroy's head spins almost 360 degrees. Vince knows the flurry of questions that are just about to bombard him. He doesn't want to hear them, he feels stupid getting his hopes, and the hopes of everyone else he knew up for no reason, but he had been so sure.

And then the thought suddenly pops into his severely under crowded brain. Why is he waiting for Howard? If it's left up to Howard they'll never get married.

Is this what it feels like to be a grown up? Vince is struck by the fact that he actually likes it.

As soon as Howard ducks his head out of the bathroom, Vince launches himself upon the Jazz Maverick. Wrapping his legs tightly around Howard's waist, Vince's tongue probes away inside his mouth.

Leroy lets out a long groan of disgust attempting to smoother himself with a sofa cushion.

'Stop it! Stop it!' His cries are muffled by the material.

A sliver of a smirk creeps through Vince's kisses. He likes winding up Leroy, the more Leroy complains the more Vince enjoys the overall experience. If Howard was the slightest bit drunker, and less in control of his faculties, Vince would certainly consider giving Leroy a sight to complain about. But as it is he can already feel Howard start to pull reluctantly away.

Vince's cheeks feel flushed and hot as he slides carefully down off Howard's sturdy frame. Howard ducks his head down planting a quick kiss on Vince's swollen lips. Vince's stomach jimmyflips at the blush burnt across Howard's features. Howard takes his hand, and nods bashfully in the direction of Vince's bedroom door. Vince's grin only gets wider. He takes the initiative, Vince always takes the initiative, clasping at Howard's hand forgetting to be disappointed, dragging him unceremoniously into his room.

Taking a deep breath, Leroy pushes the material of the cushion away from his face. He glances at his paused game, before peeling himself off of the sofa. It doesn't take him long searching through the clutter of the crowded flat to locate Sue's_ IPOD_ under a pile of what he hopes is clean underwear. She'll be pissed she forgot to take it with her.

Popping the headphone into his ears, Leroy pours himself back onto the sofa scrolling through his girlfriend's playlist. Sue isn't like any of the girlfriend's he's ever had. For a start their relationship has extended far beyond the three week period, and she's also pretty cool. Unlike most of the other girls Leroy has ejaculated inside, her playlist isn't littered with dippy piano playing dolly birds called ridiculous made up names like Allegra or Alison, or drippy mass-produced boybands. Instead it's a cacophony of _Blondie_, _Daft Punk, David Bowie, Le Tigre, Siouxsie and the Banshees. _

In the end Leroy settles for _Hong Kong Garden_, a song loud enough to drown out even Howard's bellowing. The thought of it makes him involuntarily shudder, as he starts up his game again.

It's not that he's a prude, or even something extreme like a homophobe. Leroy doesn't really care much about that sort of stuff one way all the other. And Leroy has often found himself in the same room, when Vince has been knocking off some bird at parties.

It's just the Howard factor.

In Leroy's opinion Howard isn't the sort of person that has sex. Has ever had sex. He's all cords and roll necks, not flesh and blood.

Leroy's carefully constructed asexual image of his friend gets routinely shattered by the sound of Vince's head board banging against the paper thin patrician wall separating their bedrooms, and Howard's ear shattering moans of _'More, faster, more!' _and Leroy's particular favourite _'Harder Vince, harder…' _

And it's not just once or twice a night, he could easily cope with that. He'd just drown it out with a bit of sex of his own. But Vince and Howard seem to shag every hour of the day and night, for hours on end. And even Leroy can't keep up with that, Sue won't let him. The torture never seems to stop, they just keep going. And Howard has yet to master the art of volume control. They've had actual complaints from the neighbours both above them, and bellow. Sue's got a pair of _Care bear _ear muffs, and Leroy's got headphones that they each of them wear whenever Howard is staying over.

The nights are the worst.

It's impossible to sleep in _SkullCandy _headphones. Sometimes he just lies in his bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling his eyes growing more and more blood shot as each hour ticks slowly past.

Leroy's not in the slightest bit jealous. There's no way he wants to swap places with Howard, well not really. He's not going to lie, he has thought about it more than once. There's something about Vince, something confusing, it's never mattered that he was a boy, he just sort of makes you fancy him.

Everything has changed now. It's not just the two of them anymore, him and Vince, he's pretty sure it will never be just the two of them ever again.

Leroy feels a bit pathetic admitting it to himself, but that month where it was just the two of them living together doing whatever they wanted with no girlfriend and no Howard was actually the happiest period of his life.

'_I've gone into the future.' _Vince pants, as he flops down against Howard's sweat slicked chest. Howard smiles at him attempting to catch his breath. He wraps his arms tightly around Vince's smaller frame pulling him close.

'You're wonderful, little man.' Howard grins dreamily, planting a kiss on Vince's sticky forehead. He means it of course, with all his heart. Vince is wonderful, and this is Howard's idea of Heaven. Nothing matters, everything else evaporates when it's just the two of them, the whole world just stops.

It's hard for Howard even now to understand why he thought he ever wanted anything else but this, anyone other than Vince. They have discussed it once or twice, and Vince has always attempted to reassure him that it was a joint thing. That they are both as blind and thick as one another, which is probably true. But he still can't shake the feeling that it's his fault they lost so much time, that he was the one keeping them stuck.

And in a way he supposes he still is.

Howard can feel Vince start to sag against him, his breath suddenly turning shallow. He has to act fast before sleep claims the younger man.

'Little man,' He muses his voice sounding rough and horse.

'Mummmh.' Vince mumbles, his eyes drooping dangerously.

Howard can't help but chuckle.

'Vince, look at me. You and I need to have a talk, Sir.' Vince's head suddenly shoots up, and he fixes Howard with a funny sort of stare. His gaze is loaded with a mixture of trepidation, anticipation, and fear, and his body suddenly goes very still and ridged. Howard studies Vince features for a moment, brushing a strand of misbehaving hair out of his wide eyes. His stomach twists a little. Vince's make-up is smudged; the two thick outlines rimming those eyes are half way down his face. Long black streaks.

There's something about Vince, especially when he looks the way he currently does, that Howard finds more than alluring. There are of course much stronger words he sure he could think up, a whole dictionaries worth, but even inside the safety of his own head he feels himself blush.

Howard's pretty sure that convention dictates that there is something odd about a big strapping Northern _Man of action_ (which he certainly is), getting bummed senseless by a shiny Camden dolly-boy plastered in make-up. Howard's never had a lot of time for convention, he's his own man, he goes his own way, and so on.

And if he occasionally wants to have sex while dressed as an elderly pensioner there's nothing wrong with that, either.

'It's a good talk.' Howard reassures him, giving Vince a tight squeeze.

A simple 'oh' is all that escapes Vince's lips, as he relaxes. It's all anticipation now, as he rests the tip of his bony chin on Howard's chest.

Howard's come to terms with the fact that tonight won't be the night that he finally asks Vince to marry him, but it doesn't mean he can't ask him another question.

'Live with me, Sir.' He suddenly blurts out, taken even himself by surprise at the suddenness of his comment.

The corners of Vince's smile tug downwards slightly.

'Yea, of course I will. You know I wanna get a place with you more than anything.' His voice sounds hollow, and his smile forced.

Howard shakes his head, trying harder to clarify his request.

'No, no little man, I mean live with me here.'

He can almost see the lonely cog slowly bursting into live inside Vince's head.

'You wanna move in here? Ain't it gonna be a bit cramped?' Vince's face suddenly creases into a confused frown.

'It would be if the four of us were cohabit…, leaving together. But what if it was just you and me? This flat is certainly substaina…, big enough for the two of us. And there's even a spare room for your clothes, and Kit when he sleeps over.'

There's no change of expression. Howard wonders quite how Vince has managed to save them both so many times when he obviously finds it hard to understand the simplest of conversations.

'What about Leroy and Sue?'

'Ah well, they would have to move out, Sir.'

Vince's eyes widen to almost unnatural proportions at the thought of making his friends homeless.

'You've gone wrong, Howard.'

Howard takes a deep breath, and a minute to compose himself. He feels like he's trudging up Mount Everest, if it was composed entirely out of golden syrup, with an elephant strapped to his back.

'No Vince,' He grits his teeth, trying hard not to let the frustration overcome him. And then he decides to come at it from a completely different angle, peppering Vince's contorted forehead with a serious of kisses.

'You know…' _kiss _'…that show Bollo likes…' _kiss _'_Wife Swap_'

Vince pulls away before he gets the chance to kiss him again.

'I get Leroy!' Vince announces suddenly, his voice goes up an octave.

Howard briefly analyses Vince's statement. He ignores the part of his brain that informs him gleefully that Vince answered that question far too quickly. He knows how much his Little man loves him. He's sure instead that Vince wanting Leroy in a 'wife swap' based scenario is grounded in Vince's own brand of logic. He and Leroy are best friends, and given the choice Howard would much prefer a week living with Sue. She always seems so quite, and as an added bonus she seems to be at work a lot.

'…not actual _Wife Swap_, Little man. I was thinking more flat swap. You and me could live here, and Leroy and Sue could move in above the shop.'

Vince falls very quite for a moment, the line on his forehead knotting even deeper as he mulls things over.

'I don't know why I never thought of it before. All this place really needs is a lick of paint and a good tidy up. It will be quite habitable, once Howard Moon has finished with it.'

Vince is only half listening.

He's happy and excited, of course he is. This finally seems like something that might actually happen. Truthfully though he's never cared where they were as long as they're together.

But it wasn't the question Vince had really, truly in his heart been hoping for.

He shifts his weight, slipping out of Howard. Vince's back finds the rumbled space next to him.

'You don't look happy, Little man.' Howard's familiar features hover over him, and Vince can't help but grin.

'Course I am, you Jazzy spanner.' He reaches up resting his hand against the side of Howard's rough cheek. A glimmer of uncertainty trails it's way across Howard's face. Vince raises himself up a little on his elbows, mashing his lips messily against the Jazz Maverick's bristly lisps.

And then it came to him in a sudden flash, the way most of his best ideas usually do.

'Genius!' Vince suddenly shrieks, pushing Howard off of him and wriggling out of the bed. He quickly dashes completely naked across the bedroom throwing open one of his many wardrobe doors, diving almost inside.

Vince can feel Howard's eyes on the back of his head as he hunts away, wondering why it's so hard to find something that is so big.

'Vince?' Howard's voice is full of trepidation, Vince can tell he thinks all the baubles have fallen off his Christmas tree at last.

He's about to turn and present his gift to Howard, when he remembers that he's naked. Ordinarily Vince would never mind being naked, but he can't do what he's planning to do in the all-together. He finds his pants and slips them on quickly. With the formality over he rushes excitedly over to Howard's side of the bed.

Howard can't hide the fact that he's worried. He's only ever since Vince this frantic when he's been scouring through the rails at _TKMAXX_.

'Vince?' Howard calls out nervously, sitting up in the centre of Vince's bed, watching as the younger man tosses random articles of clothing over his shoulder. Howard would consider it quite a good view if he wasn't so perplexed.

He doesn't get long to savour the sight of Vince's raw exposed arse, when suddenly Howard's perfect view is spoiled by a pair of blue and white Y-fronts.

Vince's has the look of a man possessed, his smile even for him is unnaturally wide. Clutching something wide and dark in his hands, Howard watches him wordlessly as he scuttles quickly back around to the bed.

'I got you a present ages ago, only I forgot to give it to you, cus this rat, right gave me a funny stare, and there was that fire sale on at _Topshop_,' Vince pauses briefly remembering the importance of breathing.

'…anyway, here it is,' He thrusts the box under Howard's nose.

'Doyouwannamarryme?'

Howard blinks once, twice and then a third time.

'What?' He whispers trying to make sense of the jumble of words that have just flown out of Vince's mouth towards him.

Vince takes a sudden sharp intake of air.

'Do you,' He frowns, his large eyes shifting from Howard's expression down to the box and back again.

He's nervous. Howard's only ever seen Vince nervous once or twice before, and every time it has been a shock to his own jumpy system. He just can't get use to it, and he definitely doesn't like it.

Howard's jolts as Vince takes his free hand inside his own. They are both trembling, they shoot warm toothy grins at each other.

'Do you wanna marry me, Howard?'

A million thoughts explode inside Howard's head. The first being that YES!, and the second being that yet again Vince has managed to poach his thunder.

The overriding feeling however is how right this is. Who was Howard actually kidding thinking he would ever be able to propose? In the end it had to be Vince, it's always had to be Vince.

Howard realises slightly awkwardly that he hasn't said anything for at least a minute. Vince's face is frozen in a moment of desperate anticipation.

Howard opens his mouth to speak, but the only thing that escapes his lips is a weak reedy squeak. He tries again, and there's just nothing.

'Have you lost your flippin voice, small eyes?' Vince quizzes. Howard manages a weak nod, and they both break into smiles.

'Only you.' Vince teases, leaning across planting a kiss on Howard's lips.

'That's Vince Noir branded magic, if that don't kick start your vocal cords nothing will.' Vince muses with a chuckle as they part.

'_Ask me again.' _Howard recovers, swallowing thickly.

'…before you scare it away for good.'

The younger man raises one ebony eyebrow, dragging the moment out just to torture the Jazz Maverick.

'Vince, please.' Vince kisses him again, strictly for medicinal reasons.

'Howard Moon, do you reckon you'd wanna sort of live with me forever, and change your last name to Howard Noir _'lives in the Spar'_?'

Howard doesn't wait to give Vince his answer, throwing his arms tightly around the smaller man's neck.

'Yes, alright I haven't got much on.' Vince rolls his large eyes, as Howard pulls him closer enveloping him in a flurry of hungry kisses.

'But,' He pulled away breathlessly. 'I'm not changing my name, Sir. Howard T.J Moon stays. Men of action, little man, seldom change their names when entering into the noble institution of wedlock.'

The self appointed Prince of Camden briefly looks disappointed at the prospect of Howard not taking his last name. But his mood excitedly changes as he gesticulates towards the wide black box resting on Howard's lap.

'Open it! Open it!'

Howard chuckles and does as he's commanded. Pressing his fingers against the lock mechanism the top of the case snaps open, and he finds himself staring at one of the most beautiful saxophones he has ever seen.

'Vince…' He whispers weakly.

'Do you like it? The website what Bollo found said it was one of the best. I wanted to give you something you like, Howard.'

He does like it, he thinks it's the most thoughtful present anyone has ever given him. And the fact that it has come from Vince means ever more. Howard knows what it must have taken for Vince to buy this for him, his allergy.

The money flashes through Howard's mind suddenly. He's well aware how much this must have cost. He's all aware of the fact that Vince doesn't have 50 Euros to his name.

'Little man,' He pauses trying his hardest not to hurt the smaller man's feelings.

'How did you,…did you…you didn't…' Howard can't bring himself to ask the question, everything is so perfect, he can't let his stupid mouth and his big feet spoil the best moment of his life.

'So, can I have my ring now?' Vince lets him off with a cheeky wink. Howard deflates somewhat with the realisation that he's been as transparent as a plate glass window.

'How long have you known, Sir?'

Vince's tongue slips into the corner of his mouth, the way it always does when he's attempting to concentrate or lie.

'I just guessed.'

That's short hand for either Naboo, Bollo or his big mouth of a sister let something slip. No one of them probably just told him. In hindsight it was a mistake to ask all three of them to accompany him ring shopping.

'In that case maybe we should buy a lottery ticket for this Saturday, it's a roll over.'

'Genius! But I ain't sharing with you if we win. Someone with your lack of style small eyes, don't disserve a large cash pay out.'

Howard leaned over the side of the bed retrieving his crumpled jacket from the floor.

'Ah, but little man you're forgetting once we get married everything I own belongs to you, and vice-versa.' He informs as he searches through the pockets of his tweed jacket. Vince eyes the fabric nervously.

'Yeah, well we gotta get married first.' Vince snorts.

After several frantic moments Howard manages to locate the small velvet ring box. Anxiously he presents the box to Vince, who eagerly snatches it from his grasp, it is in no way the romantic image Howard had carefully crafted in his mind.

He feels himself hold his breath again as Vince opens the box, his expression is unnervingly blank.

'You don't like it do you? I knew you wouldn't.' Howard whispered somewhat crestfallen. He had been certain at the time that it had been the right ring, the only ring for Vince Noir, an impressive looking white gold skull with two polished jet black obsidian eyes.

'No, I actually do like it.' Vince informs his voice thick with amazement. He pushes the ring box back in Howard's direction, holding out his hand.

'Well, I ain't gonna put my own ring on am I, you plum.' Howard's cheeks flash bright scarlet.

This is one of the momentous events that you're supposed to look back over on your death bed, and think _'Christ, I really fucked that up!'_ Howard has spent many a long night ever since he bought the engagement ring considering all the ways in which things could go drastically wrong. He's covered the basics Vince not liking it, the ring not fitting. But Howard's also branched out into wild flights of nightmarish fantasies. For instance what if the ring cuts Vince's finger off? What if it's haunted? What if it once belonged to an angry tribe of torch wielding fairies, who are hell bent on revenge? Fairies are like women, you can't hit one, it goes against the rules of basic human protocol, or something.

Although, as Vince, Naboo and Bollo delight in reminding him whenever they remember to remind him, that he actually has hit a woman on more than one occasion.

Howard can feel the blood rushing to his head, pounding away in his ears. He shakes as he takes Vince's hand in his own. He's never noticed before how much smaller Vince's hands are than his own. They're sort of pale and delicate, probably the only delicate things about Vince.

The ring feels cold and heavy in his grasp, it seems to grow heavier by the minute.

'I'm so excited I might fall over.' Vince warns him rather unhelpfully.

Howard closes his eyes, and slowly slides the ring on to the end of Vince's finger. He grins becoming more confident as the metal meets no resistance. _It just fits! _

When Howard opens his eyes next he's engaged and Vince is kissing him.


End file.
